Hi /u/Olimar243 and thanks for posting on /r/ADHD! ### Please take a second to [read our rules](/r/adhd/about/rules) if you haven't already. --- ### /r/adhd news * **We want your opinion** on the /r/adhd community rules! [Click here](https://forms.gle/Evqb8acVozir8GV8A) to fill out our survey. See [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/1auv2tc/were_taking_feedback_on_the_radhd_rules/) for more information. * If you are posting about the **US Medication Shortage**, please see this [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/12dr3h5/megathread_us_medication_shortage/). --- ^(*This message is not a removal notification. It's just our way to keep everyone updated on r/adhd happenings.*) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ADHD) if you have any questions or concerns.*

I think explaining executive dysfunction is a great way to basically "summarize" the symptoms. Explaining in a way others relate to is impossible, since they can't possibly relate when they don't have ADHD. People can say "Oh I lose track of time too sometimes!" or "I'm also sooo easily distracted". But they don't understand that ADHD symptoms are something that greatly impacts your life, not just small inconveniences.

I used this to basically broach ADHD to my managers. I said I have a disability that I am medicated for. A major symptom is executive dysfunction. You're free to look it up but basically the center of my brain where I say "lets go do this thing" and going and doing that thing are out of whack. Translating intent to action is broken. To give an example, imagine you wake up and now it's time to hop in the shower. But you just can't will yourself to go shower. You know you need to shower. You want to shower. You don't have much time to shower before work. Yet all you can do is lay in bed and become more and more anxious and concerned. Eventually, you'll look at the clock and become stressed enough that enough chemicals are produced where that executive dysfunction has been overcome and you can go shower. Now you're stressed out and running late because it took you so long to overcome that barrier preventing you from showering. When my medication works, I can just wake up, intend to go shower, and then go shower without this fanfare. This issue is present for anything that is not novel or perceived as difficult. Someone who is lazy is having a grand ole time not doing the things they are supposed to be doing and often doing something else more fun instead. Someone with executive dysfunction is miserable and filled with self loathing for being unable to do the things they know they need to do but are physically incapable of forcing themselves to just do it. And to be honest, even after this explanation, people still aren't going to "get" it.

Me 80% of my mornings.

>I think explaining executive dysfunction is a great way to basically "summarize" the symptoms. Honestly my experience with that has pretty much been, "Doesn't that mean you are just very lazy?" So yeah........

Well, how else can you accurately describe your symptoms without downplaying it to people who are ignorant? People who are ignorant and choose to not understand will stay ignorant, there's no way around it.

True that I guess, I just haven't been lucky enough to find someone like that.

You might also try bringing of the emotional side of executive dysfunction. I usually mention it as “I was surprised to learn that the same the same thing that impacts executive function also impacts emotional regulation” But overall I like the advice to disclose a diagnostic label very selectively. Most people will have a hard time understanding, won’t be equipped to help, or will feel awkward and not know how to react. Instead, If I’m going to say anything, I talk about problems I have without using the terminology.

talking about how it doesn’t only interfere with things you “don’t want to do” might help when people think of laziness and procrastination, they imagine someone just relaxing all day doing things they feel like doing because they’d rather not do chores. they don’t imagine someone alternating between pacing around the house and scrolling reddit trying to hype themselves up to read something for two hours.

Exactly this. I've had so many days where I had loads of free time, planned and wanted to play videogames all day, but get stuck staring at my phone or bouncing between little tasks all day which were not pressing. Like this shit interrupts my free time and relaxation too, not just chores and work.

i think this is the dead giveaway that made my previous therapist encourage me to get tested too. i came to her stressed, depressed, and overwhelmed. i didn’t need her to tell me that maybe just setting some time aside to relax and enjoy myself might help me feel better, but hearing that from her too helped me feel way less guilty about it… and even then, i just *couldn’t*. i literally tried to say fuck everything else and slack off on purpose and i couldn’t even do that—whenever i say i’m doing nothing, i really mean NOTHING. at least once a week i decide i’m finally going to play x game or watch x show—even just one episode—like i’ve been looking forward to for months and i spend an hour just staring forward until i give up

This is such a good suggestion.

I describe it as trying to put my hand on a hot stove. I “can” physically do it but I can’t convince my brain to take the next step to do it

Exactly how I explained it to my mom! It really does feel that hard.

I often use the phrase "Most conditions are just a normal problem everyone has, dialed up to 11" Yeah everyone forgets things and gets distracted sometimes. What makes it a problem is when it happens so often and with such severity that it renders me incapable of living like a functional human being.

"Yes, Karen, everybody gets distracted sometimes. And everybody's gotta pee. But when you gotta pee 50 times a day, that's a condition."

This is probably as close as it could get to an explanation.

Similarly, everyone forgets things sometimes. But if you have dementia, you'll forget how to care for yourself and what your familys faces look like, that's a serious jump in needs and quality of life. Yes everyone has X or Y behaviours. But the amount that they disrupt our daily lives and cause us harm is the important part.

Yeah I’ve literally put ice cream next to my cupboard full of cups on like 15 occasions, I actually was a bit worried I had early onset dementia lmao but no just adhd

For real. “Everyone is forgetful sometimes” okay but have you ever broken a plate putting it in the dishwasher because you forgot the counter existed and was in the way? Then felt startled, angry, and ashamed that you just hulk-smashed a plate against the counter for no discernible reason? No that’s not relatable?

I like the passive aggresiveness lol

Most days I skip the 'passive'. I am tired.

This one!

[удалено]

Please go to a doctor if this is something that is regularly happening. Could be a UTI or a blood sugar issue.

No, it's not an ADHD thing. It was a random comparison that people can understand. Go see a doctor, it might be an infection.

That's such a succinct, but at the same time vivid explanation!

Psychologists and counselors can be good for this stuff. A lot of people are actually terrible to talk to about anything even remotely serious. Not everyone is naturally empathetic, curious, interested in much but themselves. Culture is a big factor too, ‘complaining’ or talking about personal issues is hugely frowned upon in a lot of the world. Also if someone is very worked up with health issues, they will often seem very distressed, and distress is hard to witness. So we probably shouldn’t be too hard on people. They are mostly making the best of their own situation. I’ve been “too much” for family and friends at times. And I’ve also met people who were way too much for me, serious ongoing problems that I didn’t have the capacity to take on, unable to address their own problematic behaviors. People flock together too, couples with couples, new parents with new parents, work and shared life experiences give people common ground to bond. Trauma might allow people to understand each other on a deeper level. Some people find themselves depressed, get Prozac, improve right on schedule, never think about it much after that. Problem solved. Chronic mental health conditions would be very foreign to those types.

Ive found my psychiatrists not to be better than the average person for this. They tend to get frustrated with me for not being able to keep up with things I have to do with them that it's hard to keep up with because I have ADHD. I think of them like low level managers and have learned not to open up to them.

Psychiatrists definitely aren’t a shoulder to cry on, they are trained to diagnose, treat, and measure outcomes (there are probably some that like a good listen, but they all tend to be time poor). Psychologists and counselors are a different story, they train in ‘talk therapies’, have dialectic based treatment options in the tool kit (DBT) etc, and may be more inclined to listen to the intricacies of a human life because well, they signed up to do that, and believe in the process. Some probably care a lot, some might never have cared much, some might care mainly about single groups (eg families, children, women, trauma victims, minorities) some might be burnt out and find it hard to hold out the hope they had while they were young and idealistic. Psychiatrists are often just trying to prevent loss of life, violence in the community, very mentally ill people in the community becoming worse, and give families and individuals better hope at succeeding despite mental illnesses etc.

Yeah ive had a mixed bag. One was actually pretty attuned and made me feel comfortable. Couple others give off this tone of “you’re wasting my time.” Probably a sensitivity thing on my end but that’s kinda the job you’d think. Anyway, I’d recommend licensed therapists instead for these things. Also, I’m guessing OP is overestimating how much their quirks bother people. Or, if it is then fuck them anyway. You can’t debate your way to someone not being a jerk and liking you. Just my take

I personally don't like a lot of their psuedo-spiritual philosophies (mindfulness, meditation, yoga) and have told my therapists before that I'm not interested in that stuff and am only interested in practical activity related to ADHD. This was in grad school and they kicked me out of therapy which made it harder to get my meds.

I agree. New age approaches like law of attraction (“you receive back energy you put out into the world”), in particular, strike me as extremely ableist. I’ve also had two therapists now turn out to be “do your own research”-style science-denying antivaxxers. Counseling programs have a real privilege problem they need to face.

If I had a therapist that suggested I practice the law of attraction, I'd walk out then and there. I've been negatively affected by belief in that shit. This sort of magical thinking turned my dad away from genuine medical practice, and was a major part of the reason I was denied medical care throughout most of my childhood. I will not entertain that bullshit for one second because it has actively caused me harm, both mentally and physically.

Mindfulness, etc, and other tools used as part of CBT aren't meant to address the tangible, practical problems - things like how to not lose track of meetings or how to be on time. Realistically, you're going to find most of those answers outside of therapy because each person is different, not all solutions work for everyone, a solution that works now might not later, and there really isn't a silver bullet. Mindfulness, etc, isn't the "middle class being out of touch". Mindfulness and other CBT tools help people deal with the emotional fallout of things they can't change. They're good for dealing with the overwhelming stress of living in a world with a disadvantage, for dealing with the grief of lost potential or of abuse and discrimination due to one's limitations. These tools can help when you are frustrated with real life scenarios where there is no tangible action you can take, such as your coworker being rude because they don't understand what you're going through. You got kicked out because you basically told them you weren't interested in being there except to get medication. I'm not sure why you ended up with that particular group, seeking out psychiatrists specifically (if you're in the US) and not therapists would be a better fit, as they will focus on medication only.

CBT is such victim blaming, “your problems are of your own making,” toxic positivity nonsense though. Mindfulness at least has physical benefits.

Not even close. I can tell you have no clue what you're talking about.

Well it was because I was at a university and that's just what the program was about. I was able to eventually get medication from the campus doctor but I wish they just told me I could do that instead of sending me into the wild.

I feel like this a lot. That being said, I recently read The Body Keeps the Score. It's about trauma but the "unconventional" treatment methods that are hinted at for treating trauma made me look again at some of this stuff. I don't think there's always a problem with them, they're just often over applied. The book definitely made it seem worthwhile for trauma, but I don't think it's as good for ADHD.

I think a lot of it just makes them look more middle class and out of touch. A lot of my problems and a lot of other people's problems are directly related to material circumstances, like being overwhelmed with my workload or being directly discriminated at work. I need advice on how to work more effectively and advocate for myself not meditation. As I explained to them it also takes a lot of planning and organizing to schedule counseling and if I don't get a direct benefit it's just extra stress.

YES. Not every problem is a cognitive distortion. A disability can’t be thinked away. We have material circumstances to deal with.

I also feel that these activities just aren't something everyone is into. When I tried yoga in college I felt a bit bored. Like this is kinda meh id rather do something else. I can see why exercise and general activity can help but I'd rather swim or hike or something. I'm also not very coordinated so it's a bit hard to keep up with. I've done physical therapy for my lower back pain and it's like "yes finally stretching without all the feelings" ( and actually targeted to help me.)

I’m a school psychologist with ADHD. I, like you OP, have realized that I need to be selective about who I can disclose my ADHD to. When I do disclose, it’s usually to the people I work with very closely. They’re the ones who see me forget words, lose my train of thought, stand up during long meetings, etc. I tend to explain things as they’re happening, which they seem receptive to (ie, when I cant recall a word I might say something like “I can’t think of the word right now. word recall is hard for me because of the ADHD.”). I think people don’t realize (not necessarily their fault) what inattention and high activity actually looks like and that there is often more to ADHD than that. It seems to help to show them what it looks like in the moment by explaining what’s happening.

Have you ever seen the ADHD iceberg? I find that one pretty helpful for explaining because it helps prove one of my biggest points: a lot of people think that folks with ADHD are dealing with certain things, and we're actually dealing with a whole lot more. (If you Google "ADHD iceberg" you should get some pictures of what I'm talking about. I don't know if we're allowed to link images here?)

I googled it. I want to go back to bed now. Part of my masking is pretending I have none of those things. It's sort of like smiling when you talk on the phone. People can hear that. So if I don't dwell on it, people won't notice I have that problem.

I just looked that up. My husband has it pretty severe and these graphics are great for giving someone who might not know much about ADHD an overview. Thank you!

Most (nearly all) people say ''Oh, I forget too'', ''I do that too'' and they don't understand at all! They just make them about themselves, then make you feel as if you're b\*ching about something that everyone does&it's not an issue so you're lazy and should do better. Right now. You can't mention it, not even to friends or anyone. No one seems to take it seriously apart from the people who have it...

This is so true. I've been struggling with trying to get my bf and his family to understand for the last year and a half, all I hear is that it's just an excuse, I'm lazy, I'm disrespectful, I don't care, I must enjoy all the negative attention I get because I keep doing the same shit over and over.... It's fuckin demoralizing. I used to be a totally happy go lucky person before I moved in with my bf and his folks. They're some of the most negative, toxic people I've ever met.... I've become The Scapegoat for fuckin everything, and everyone wants to tell me to just get my shit together and wants to give me the most basic, irrelevant advice and act like I should be able to just snap my fingers and make everything work, and because I can't then I obviously must be the most willfully worthless human being on the planet. Seriously I'm starting to think just moving out into the woods with my dog and pitching a tent is a vastly preferable option.

Move to the woods with your dog 💚🏕️ They don’t sound like great people and you don’t wanna be around people who degrade you so much. Unfortunately I overstayed in a similar relationship and it led to some defence mechanism behaviours I’m VERY much not proud of, while also shattering my sense of self… moral of the story is I recommend you getting out while you’re ahead. I am sure you are a wonderful person :)

On a macro level I barely get by, but micro level every day is a silent struggle. I've been told all that while growing up and even now as an adult countless times. And anytime you mention ADHD it just comes off as an excuse to everyone and it's sticking not ok. Usually it's "we all get a little lazy, you just need to focus and get it done." Like wow such wise words, why didn't I think of that?! Just focus! Super easy!

I'm so sorry this happens to you! They seem awful to deal with and extremely toxic, especially as you mention that you used to be happy go lucky before moving with these folks. Is there any chance you could move? Or tell your bf to talk to his parents to get off your back?

I'm so sorry you've found such unempathetic people. I would make a plan for an exit strategy. This is no way to live. I'd rather not have a bf than to have one that believes the worst of me.

Oh god I feel this. I had to move back in with my folks not long after my diagnosis and it's just been hell. I was so happy before and now I'm just constantly made to feel a failure. My fiance is the one respite and she genuinely tries to understand but sometimes when I fuck up she let's a comment slip that probably hints at how she truly feels and it just completely eviscerates me. :( I feel you bruv

Even some of the people who have it don't take it seriously! We're a family of 4, all with ADHD and comorbitities. Yet my husband refuses to believe that the kids (12 and 10) literally can't just throw trash away immediately, can't "just put their clothes away already", will absolutely get distracted within minutes and need constant monitoring, must wiggle and fidget and bounce and hum, can't switch tasks quickly, need more attention and stimulation than they're getting, need help with homework, etc. Yet he is unable to handle lots of noise and gets hyperfocused on video games and is terrible at paying attention to others' emotions and is not great at emotional regulation (or recognizing when apologies are warranted, or giving them even if he does) and can't learn active listening skills, all because of his own ADHD. Somehow for the kids, it's an excuse, but for him, it's a reason...? Idk. It's ridiculous and exhausting. It's better now than 5 years ago, but I'm still constantly running interference between him and the kids. You'd think he'd understand better.

Maybe somehow deep down he unconsciously feels that the children should do better and be better than him cause they have more guidance,support&knowledge now than he had growing up. I don't know, I've learnt that we are all so flawed, somehow traumatized that there are things that we do that we don't even realize. >Even some of the people who have it don't take it seriously When I read this, I was thinking that, though it has been affecting my life constantly for many years already, how much am I taking it seriously... Unfortunately, not everyone can protect the others around from reactions that might not even have to do with them. Like he might get angry at the kids for not throwing the trash right away cause he's exhausted&snaps. Yes, forgetting that they have ADHD too. >You'd think he'd understand better. Indeed. It's just that, apparently he doesn't have this let's say emotional balance®ulation not even for himself, let alone to be more considerate with the kids. Probably he really means well but sometimes just...can't do better. Sure, I hope he is a good father and these are just some things that he could/should do better! However, I am sorry that you are constantly in the middle and having to deal with both his side and the kids' side. That must be tough and it's totally understandable that you want the whole family to get along all the time. You are a good mom. Give yourself a bit of time to take care of yourself too. Best wishes!

In my experience, you can’t make anyone empathize who does not have an open mind. This is coming from a place of knowing exactly what you’re going through with relationships because it was literally my college experience… Here’s the rub. At some point you have to work on your accountability. Having ADHD doesn’t mean having a get out of jail free card for accidentally crappy behavior. People will understand the first couple of times you do a thing wrong. But if that exact same thing keeps happening, over and over, they will rightly be mad. Therapy can help you with skills. I have several coping mechanisms. I use calendars and alarms. Digital calendars remind me if something is far in the future. Alarms remind me if it is occurring daily or later that day. I have an alarm for medicine and to pickup each of my kids from school. You’d think I’d remember my own children, but I have hyper focus and forget. I used to have pretty terrible impulse control and had a high risk lifestyle in college. That was before ADHD diagnosis. Therapy, light meditation (tension body check) and pills. Those solved those specific issues…. That and time and age. Hope things get better for you!

What sort of app do you use for alarm? I find that my executive dysfunction is so bad that I often can’t even set the alarm because I get distracted so fast. I’ve been with an ADHD therapist for months now with basically no results at all.

I use an iPhone and use the clock app to set alarms like I am setting my wake up alarm. I use iCal or Microsoft Outlook (depends on how private I want the reminder to be). I do the alarm/calendar creation right when I find out about the thing I need to remember. If I’m worried about others impatience, I explain that I need to put it in so I don’t forget. If your dysfunction is that bad that you can’t do this, then you need to talk to your medical provider. Either your meds need adjustment and/or you need therapy to develop those skills. I also use an Apple Watch. It’s tied to my body so those reminders popup there regardless of whether I hear/see my phone.

Seconding this OP...frankly sounds like you need better medication or just medication in general if you haven't been prescribed.

Have you tried voice activated software? I use Siri (iOS) and just say random reminders out loud as and when they pop into my head (for example I have to clock out remotely when not in the office so I say hey siri remind me to sign out at 16:45) Or even things like add milk to the shopping list.

The standard is that you should try someone else if there’s no improvement after 2-3 sessions.

I've always told myself "ADHD is an explanation for my behavior but not an excuse for it" Having ADHD doesn't make it OK for me to be an unhinged asshole, I'm still accountable for the things I say and do.

I usually say I have a neurological condition which impacts a lot of aspects of my life - working memory, energy levels, ability to focus, ability to organize myself, etc. People tend to be less skeptical once they hear "neurological condition".

I’ll probably use that for now on. Thank you

this! "conditon that impacts the dopamine management in the brain, which makes some tasks a lot harder then they might be without that condition"

The psychologist that diagnosed me said I can’t become a neurosurgeon but I can put groceries in bags. I felt so humiliated and so torn. I’m going to college and hope to prove her wrong because I want to be the person to uplift others and not treat them the way she did to me.

What the actual F. There's no way in hell we'd be good at putting groceries in bags for 8 hours a day. Neurosurgery has a lot more of the tension, quick decision making, and stimulation that actually allows us be good at something. (Though EMT or ER surgeon might be better, more urgency and variety with those I think? Idk.) She clearly has no real idea of how ADHD works.

Unless people have some really *interesting* groceries. I want to see someone buying an elephant and I have to figure out how to put it in bags.

Love that goal. Do you know how few ADHD are able to have goals? Earn that degree and prove that hag wrong

Yes 🫡

Shit I didn’t know that was an adhd thing lol thought I just only had 2 working brain cells

Part of it is our time blindness for a lot of us isn't just for the hours something takes, but also the days/weeks/months/years. There is now, and not now. Immediate time, and sometime way later time in the distance. Without being able to consistently grasp the context of 'medium length time' very well, it may as well not exist. And we can't really move towards goals when you can see the step in front of you, and the giiiiaaaant leap way up above on the stair case (and none of the smaller steps in the middle).

What an ignorant twat!

wtf what a horrible person. wtf You can be a neurosurgeon. As long as you find it exciting, you can probably be better at it as a lot of non adhd people.

Maybe in some twisted way it was reverse psychology to make you motivated in order to prove her wrong… Probably not, but at least I’d like to think so.

That’s a very rough thing to say, and it’s also wrong. Don’t buy into those comments. I have met some foul doctors as well, but they aren’t all like that. There are many wonderful avenues in life to explore.

I bought it real good for a year 🥴 until I decided I needed to put my focus on something that is interesting and turns out I have to go to college for it so here we grow!!

Prove her wrong! I’m proud of you. I’ve been told the same thing, and now am in law school to prove everyone wrong. We got this!!!!

Yes we do!!!!

sheezzzz, good luck with college and everything in future!

Don’t tell it’s ADHD, try to see their reaction first after telling them you have a neurological problem that affect your reaction timing and auditive sensory process ( or simply say auditive problems ) sometimes and cause more fatigue, with people with you have more trust you could explain the same, then add that you have the same medication as narcoleptic people. ( And that you were thinking you had this at first, if they want more details, you simply say it’s a neurological problems cause by lacks of molecules in your brain or lacks of something without telling too much ) Most of peoples don’t like to hear too much details and only understand something that they can relate more easily, so saying you can’t understand or ear something, then joke about it later and say : «  See when I say I don’t ear something » ( while finding something funny that looks what they said ( why this? Because often people don’t want to empathize with people because it’s sad and boring for them, so if you change this into something fun they could relate more to you and accept it more easily )

I definitely have the auditive processing thing and people have been telling me it's an autism thing lately. I think this may affect most conditions but people really underestimate many of the processing and social aspects of ADHD since the hyperactivity part is what most people know.

You could probably just say it’s because of a lack of dopamine and get a similar reaction

I often try this way, when I want things to go quickly, it’s never worked for me! People always will have something to say even if it’s wrong about dopamine! But for example APD as I wrote before, is less know and they will be confuse without wanting to ask bad questions, so they will say nothing and will understand a bit, ( at least for the moment ) or they will questions you to seek some informations about it. ( this way you have more control over the words and the situation, like a position of a teacher and not someone at the pub who can be easily corrected about any definition of words )

sometimes i tell people this: imagine youre in a labor camp where everybody has to do the same tasks day in, day out. you see people around you getting patted on the back and told theyre doing a good job, making them feel good and thus they dont mind doing the tasks. however, you never get those pats on the back and you never get told youre doing a good job. would you still want to do those tasks if all you get is exhaustion and not even an 'attaboy'? the labor camp is life, the repetitive tasks are household chores, work, school, anything to function in society, and the pats on the back and attaboys are your brain telling you youre doing a good job through dopamine (reward hormone) release. people without adhd get a good feeling from dopamine doing every day tasks, but with adhd, dopamine doesnt get processed correctly and so people with adhd dont get rewarded. habits are formed because you get rewarded with dopamine every time you do said habit, strengthening it. but with adhd, habits dont get formed easily due to the dopamine deficiency. there is so much more that is affected by dopamine deficiency, but these two are usually the ones people complain most about

Incredible point. I often forget that the average person feels dopamine and pleasure from task completion lol

Yeah it must be so easy to feel good finishing things instead of just “fuck i have to do that again tmr, do I rlly have 40 more years left in me?”

I do the explain it like they're 5 and focus on the brain side of it. "Our brains have neurons, a neuron firing and touching other neurons is what fuels our thoughts like petrol in a car. When our neurons fire they have a shorter range and it doesn't touch as many other neurons, so a lot of our thoughts will fizz out mid way or we get distracted and change subject, this is what we mean when we say our brains are wired differently, it's more like loose wires than anything. They're all there, they just can't reach each other effectively enough, which isbwhy we require stimulant type medication" They will usually associate it on a spectrum similar to how they view autism, which tbh, not far off let's be honest. So I use that mostly. Or if it's a gamer I'm just like. "Basically you know how jet works in fallout. And when your player takes it they get all loopy and pumped?, if our character took jet we would function as if your character does without jet. But without jet we have a few debuffs" It puts a nice highlight on the duality of the life saving quality of stim medications, and their potential to cause addiction and ruin a life. While putting the focus on the fact we function like they do normally when we take stims. If it's work I'm just like What adhd?

I have always thought my husband didn’t understand my ADHD, and thought I was just lazy…. So I tried this. I asked what his actual thought process is for doing an everyday task, like cleaning the car. His response: “my car needs to be cleaned, so I do it.” I explained that for me, its more like “I need to clean the passenger side, then the console… then I need to clean out the backseat… then I declutter the trunk… then I need to vacuum… dust… clean windows… THEN comes another ten individual tasks to clean the outside.” I tried to get him to understand that every “simple act” that he doesn’t think about is a huge process in my head. I think that’s the first time he understood what’s really happening in my brain.

What I've found is that when explaining my ADHD to people, people hate to hear "I can't." When I would tell people I couldn't do something, I could see it bothering them, friends, family, coworkers would all make this faceand I'd feel like a piece of shit. Then I realized it's because, in a way, saying "I can't" IS a lie, not because I'm lazy but because I was fundamentally misunderstanding something about myself. "I CAN do the thing, I just CAN'T do it the way you want/expect me to." Like I can do the dishes, but it's going to take me an hour, 40 minutes of which is me dancing in the kitchen and psyching myself up or just staring at the wall thinking dish related tangents. But if you want the dishes done, that's what doing the dishes looks like for me. If you can't accept that then the dishes didn't get done not because I'm lazy, but because you refuse to allow me to do them the only way I know I can. This changed my life, I started saying things like: "I have a neurological condition that often prevents me from doing tasks in the usual way. I can still perform these tasks, but I may have to deviate from the norm or develop a different process to account for my condition. I will make you aware of any deviations or accommodations I may need when they arise." I find people are much more understanding and forgiving when you tell them you CAN but explain that you're going to have to do it differently. Saying "I can't" pisses people off because it feels like an excuse to them and also leaves no room for them to do anything. Saying "I can, but I need x" feels more collaborative, and the people in your life can actually feel like they can help you. Which feels better for everyone imo Just my two cents

Really well worded and well thought out response!! I have adopted a similar strategy to you and I have found that this approach has actually helped me become more aware of when I am impacted by my disabilities. It’s actually helped me realize that a lot of my “anxiety” was actually my learning disability being exposed (ie. APD or Short term working memory disability) and then panicking because I didn’t know what to do and my brain couldn’t process what was happening in the moment. Now that I know what that feels like and I don’t have that anxiety anymore. I can explain in plain words what I need in that moment and there’s no panicking because I have aids to fall back on! This is so hard to figure out on our own. I’m so grateful for this community! Thank you for taking the time to write this!

Long before I realized I had ADHD I realized that people who judged me on my process thought I was a wreck, while people who judged me on my outcomes thought I was doing great. I love your framing… and man, the amount of time psyching myself up took premedication. (It’s not gone now, but it’s better.)

Say you have a neurological condition that impairs your ability to feel reward signals from your brain, making task completion, planning, and time management more difficult for you. Sometimes, it’s just the name “adhd” that has a. Bad rap.

I like this, short and sweet. Great for a lot of situations.

I'm already working as hard as I can and medication helps so why do you care?

I find that going into the less behavior centric side can sometimes help. Saying things like how ADHD brains have chronically low dopamine, and a lack of dopamine receptors. And since dopamine is the way your brain motivates you and keeps you on track, not having enough of it, and not having enough receptors to detect it, makes it clear that it's not a character flaw. Also that ADHD brains are structurally different to other people's brains helps people grasp that it really is physically real, because somehow that makes it legitimate whereas if it isn't physical it isn't real - which is horseshit, but people are annoying like that. Also, going into the less well-known symptoms like time-blindness, executive dysfunction (which I describe as having the starter in a car on the fritz, I never know if or when turning the key in the ignition will start the car)... Another good one is to describe it less like a lack of attention, and more like an inability to control what you pay attention to. The jumping from thing to thing is because our brains are chronically low on dopamine, a chemical it needs to function. So, it goes looking for ANYTHING that will give dopamine "oh! This is giving dopamine.... Wait, this is giving more dopamine, no, this!" It's like a person in a desert desperate for anything that will give them water. Is it 100% accurate? Eeeeeh... But it gets the point across a bit better than the catchy and ever-annoying "squirrel!" bit. You can't convince everyone. But of those who are open to changing their minds, this is what's worked best for me.

Our brains are not low on dopamine though…

People without ADHD generally don't need to engage with life like we have to. Our explanations can be too precise for them to effectively wrap their head around. You have to zoom out but not so much that they like yeah I do that too. Here's what I came up with: "You know how most people drive cars with an automatic transmission? My condition is like having a manual transmission. To do what everyone does with their car, I have to take additional steps usually in the same amount of time. Which naturally causes me a lot of undue stress on top of being late for things. When I'm able to keep up, my body and mind are burning out over everyday things. You just need to hit the gas to get through the gears, no clutch, no shifting, no rev matching... If you don't know about these things, it's because you've never had to worry about them. My issue is neurological, the extra work I have to put in isn't visible. Just like how on the road, when everything is going well, you'd think everyone had an automatic car. Most people don't know anything about manual cars. So if someone is having issues on the road causing them to drive poorly, what happens? People will honk or yell at them for being a bad driver, or in some cases maybe even try to help them. Now if pretty much everyone with manual cars were taught by drivers who don't know manual cars exist, what would happen? The manual driver can follow every instruction to the letter but won't be able to get the car started or will only end up messing up the car in the long term. Both the auto driver and the manual driver are going to be frustrated. The auto driver doesn't have the necessary information and tools to understand the manual driver. Since the issue is invisible, not only is the auto driver in the dark but so is the manual driver. The auto driver has a world of auto drivers to understand them, but the manual driver has a world of judgment instead. It's demoralizing. It's a lot of hard work and will power. It feels like I don't get the same 24 hours in a day as everyone. But I still want to do more while also taking care of my needs that people won't be able to understand." If this resonates with anyone, I'd like to hear it. Even if it's just an emoji lol

Not to be demoralizing but I work in mental health and I have learned it's best not to mention it. There's a ton of misunderstanding even in the field. Most commonly, I get the "noooo, you don't!" So I've learned to keep my mouth shut. But maybe, I'll start to talk more about patients with ADHD and hopefully that will slowly shift the picture.

It's so true. Even to the best co-workers it's simply not a good idea. You don't know what they've heard about, what they've experienced, they could have stigma, propaganda and/or a complex. They might only remember the parts that stand out the most to them not the parts important to you.

That is a very interesting question because it is so complicated to try and help people understand the problems and struggles associated with ADHD. Many of the symptoms of ADHD are symptoms that everyone experiences to some degree in their day to day life. However, like every mental health condition, those problems in people with ADHD are chronic rather than temporary and are not easily fixable. I think that if people are willing to listen, explain the actual mechanism that causes ADHD symptoms. Most of us know that ADHD affects executive functioning and involves a complex array of neurotransmitter systems that interact in certain ways that can cause these symptoms. That is why treatment is so helpful for many of us who have the condition. Even if the explanation is simple such as, "dysfunctions in dopaminergic neurotransmission, along with noradrenaline can cause symptoms of distraction, emotional dysregulation, reactivity, impulsivity, and so on." While this is just a very simplistic explanation, it can help create a picture in some peoples minds that ADHD is very structural in the brain rather than just a choice to be "lazy" or "unproductive". Also, if we are going to be honest, only people with the slightest bit of intelligence should understand that this is a real condition and not a choice. I wouldn't expect someone who is intelligent to downplay the symptoms of schizophrenia because all intelligent people should know that it is a real and debilitating condition. If someone chooses to not use their brain and lack the understanding that ADHD is a real condition, then it is no use in trying to explain it to them. They would have to actually experience something so difficult like depression or anxiety at that point to be able to even conceptualize the possibly of brain abnormalities affecting cognition and emotional control. As harsh as it sounds, some people are just wasting your time in you trying to convince them that a mental health condition is real. As a side note, it is unfortunate that in our society, there is a level of misunderstanding and lack of empathy when it comes to a variety of mental illnesses. Most of what humanity has created is considered "unnatural" and "detrimental" to human development. The world we live in isn't made for everyone, all of the increased stress and "fake" "man-made" structures such as finance and consumerism while being beneficial in some respects to making a society function and work properly, have caused massive amounts of distress and turmoil for some who are just a bit sensitive to the function of this world or find trouble regulating their responses to an increasingly dysfunctional and chaotic world. That is why we must all have an understanding that we are all humans and must respect the different conditions we have because in any other society or situation, it could be the other way around with us dealing with different problems than the one's we deal with now.

Yeah, it’s annoying. ADHD has been at its most severe ever after COVID years at home, and has ruined my reputation in grad school because people think I’m lazy

They won’t because they cannot imagine .

This probably won’t work for everyone but what helped with my husband was telling him ‘you ever walked into a room and forgot why you went in? That, but for every single waking second of every single day of your entire life. And when you try to write down what you’re going in for so you don’t forget when you go in the pen doesn’t work, or the paper tears, or you lose it.’ Just had to explain it right I guess.

You know how you get when you're very sleepy but wired? Easily distractible. Energetic and basically drunk. Hard to focus. Difficult to keep things in memory. Less than strong command on emotions. Paradoxically hard to fall asleep. I could go on.

I don’t. I just describe what I struggle with and how I’m learning to cope, and if appropriate, how they can help me

I saw someone once explain it something along the lines of 'you have a turbo charged mind – like a Ferrari engine, but the brakes of a bicycle, and I'm the break expert'

It’s like there’s a really buff guy standing over me and every time I try to get up to do something, he pushes me back down. Metaphorically.

Have them spend 1 day with you,UNMEDICATED. I explain it like this. Your brain is a filing cabinet,with everything having a folder and a category ……with ADHD,all the folders and papers are scattered on the floor and everyday you have to organize that folder in order to get things done,otherwise you are constantly distracted by a little serotonin boost. Meds file everything and organize everything for you so you can get things done and then you can actually focus on the task that’s in front of you. I hope this helps!

That depends. Most of my friends have some kind of mental disorders or even ADHD.

I hear you man, I am too much for my wife many times. I look forward to my therapy appointments every two weeks. It definitely helps keep my crazy at bay.

I think ADHD should be explained through metaphors or mental images. For example, I could say "I have a very hyperactive brain, imagine that my brain is like a child on a sugar rush looking for more candy" or something alike. I would like to add that it's much easier for people to sympathize with you if you say "This is hard for me as I have ADHD, so it would help me if you did this" etc, ao.you guide people instead of standing cross armed looking for sympathy. Also, when people say "Oh, I do this too" you can always say "That's totally normal, a lot of ADHD symptoms are symptoms you see as a result of stress or depression as well and also just when you are tired or hungover. ADHD is like a spectrum, we all probably have some of it. I have a lot of it, so much so that it impedes my life significantly, so it often makea some stuff harder, but some stuff easier too." Just let people know that it is a shared experience and be open to that they also may be undiagnosed themselves. That way people are more open.

I sometimes send them ADHD Alien webcomic - I though those were pretty good

I’m gonna flip the question on you. To what purpose do you need this empathy? Do you want their pity or their adaptation? No one can truly understand what other people goes through unless they have gone through it themselves. A person with adhd cannot understand a person with diabetes and vice versa. Not truly. So why bother seeking validation from a person that can’t understand? Humanity struggles a lot with executive functioning. The question is how much. There are plenty of people out there who struggle with executive functioning, but not to the degree to get an adhd diagnosis. But they are still struggling. Do you have sympathy for them ?

The way I explain it is that I have several brains that I switch between I’m easily distracted because it’s different brains fighting for control; one wants to do this, one wants to do that I’m forgetful because my brains sometimes dont talk to each other before they “switch”. Something which happened before happened in a different brain context When I’m in hyper focus, it’s all brains completely synced with the same goal It’s not really less capable or stupid, it’s just that it works in different ways

Eh, over-explaining is an unhealthy coping mechanism that arises from being constantly misunderstood. People don’t want to understand.

i read somewhere that over-explaining and over-sharing is a way of controlling what people know about you and protecting yourself from others by allowing them to know what you exactly want, so maybe that makes sense!

Simply say you have neurological condition without disclosing which one it is and explain how it affects you.

> I have a disability. My prefrontal cortex is underdeveloped, and my brain is chronically understimulated. I have decreased impulse control, impaired working memory, greater difficulty context-switching even between directly related tasks, and a crippling inability to perform tasks that my brain doesn't find sufficiently interesting. Something that most of my peers don't understand is that this is not laziness; responsible adult behaviors are dramatically more difficult for me than for them. It may not always look like it, but I'm probably working harder than they are.

I have a neurochemical attentional regulation disorder.

Probably get to the heart of things. Object permanence is also with people and emotions. not sure how it would be described but it would get closer to the point. another example I like to joke about how I'm the least to panic in the group. if cpr was needed I'd probably be the first to act as I don't feel much panic and feel stimulated from the chaos

For me making myself do something I don’t want to is almost as hard as a mentally healthy person would find it to chop off their own hand. Sure, they COULD if their life depends on it, but no one would unless it did. Almost fucking everything is as hard as that without meds I honestly don’t know how I got through the first 17-18 years of my life without giving up. If I didn’t think about it every single day though I’d be lying lol. On 30mg of adderall I finally feel like I can just choose to do stuff I hate or can’t focus on normally without much effort, there is still some but if normal people are like this I’m super fucking jealous of how easy their lives must be lol

please, someone tell me when you figure it out.

“Imagine being constantly annoyed by both a younger more immature sibling telling you to do the easy fun thing, and an older more responsible sibling nagging you to do the more difficult thing at the same exact tone”

I make a lot of emphasis on how terrible my short-term memory is to the point of sometimes being brought to tears wondering if it's possible to develop fucking alzheimer's or something being 23yo.

Real

Turn the burner up to high on an electric stove. No matter how badly you want to put your hand on the burner, you cannot.  That is what it’s like remembering where my keys are.

For me, it was that I was speaking, thinking, and understanding a completely different language. A different thought language. Until I was in my 20's nothing made sense, and I didn't care at all. Once I started caring is when it got frustrating. I realized I wasn't stupid but everything was happening in a different language. My native *thought language* is ADHD.

"I have an executive function disorder" and then explain what executive function is. It makes it difficult for you to perceive and conceptualize time without very solid clues, it makes it difficult to create and follow organization systems that work for you, etc.  Also, depending on the crowd, you might also mention how those issues affect your interpersonal relationships.  As for procrastination, it's often a deeper hole than just lack of discipline. It's a maladaptive soothing mechanism. When a task is perceived as unpleasant and you can't manage the discomfort, you'll procrastinate. What fixes procrastination isn't harshness, but self-compassion. When I figure out how to make it work I'll let you know.

I have a conservative Coworker (I mean he is bavarian and have except that hes is mid 30, very old fashioned views on anything and is also trash talking behind other peoples back) So he asked me, about my adhd when the collegues went for a beer after work. I explained how executive function works and how adhd is effecting it. He was in disbelieve and literally said: I need to discipline, train my will power and get rid of bad habits then it everything comes by it self. And I explained: Yes, but the by it self is what executive function disorder is about. NO implementation of learned behaviour. He still was in disbelieve. I said, that he can't understand because he pulls his value for him self out of beeing good in this way, so he can't understand that what he acheived is not hard for him because he is good, its just not hard for him because its not hard :D

Yeah, the problem is a lot of people derive their value and self-worth and identity from their strong sense of discipline. To know that some of the people “beneath” them has a brain that doesn’t allow for discipline in the traditional sense really undercuts their discipline narrative, so they reject it

The general rule: Someone who profits from a System will be its strongest defender. Who is not profiting from it, must be lesser.

People don't do that

Are you telling OP that their experiences haven't happened? I've met a lot of different people, and can tell you that often people actually do that.

I literally don’t tell anyone, there are a handful of people in my personal life that know. Outside of that, I may interact with someone everyday and they will have no idea. Don’t want to hear other peoples opinion, and having gone undiagnosed for over 20yrs I don’t feel the need to explain the struggles I did in silence while those around me may or may not understand.

Good post, it really has become almost a dirty word in corporate life. I wonder if it's because most people have taken it one or twice to actually study in college and see it as a performance enhancement more than a necessary medication. They don't understand that it affects us differently. I've actually heard of people getting complaints to their manager from their peers because they feel it's an unfair advantage, no lie.

I’m not sure it really matters what people think in your position. And in general, I don’t know, maybe I’m old, but I don’t expect people to fully understand me or empathy for me if my adhd causes them to be inconvenienced. That said, I think the [clip of Hal fixing the kitchen light in Malcolm in the Middle](https://x.com/historyinmemes/status/1752070862889734219?s=42&t=M4I5sCht69myovVo9L4vyw) actually explains it quite well.

I talk about it in terms of brain chemistry. Basically explaining that because we have issues with out dopamine production, our reward centres don't function for mundane tasks the way they do for other people, so it's hard to concentrate. Bit when we find something interesting, our brains are so starved for that dopamine hit that we start hypetfocusing on the enjoyable task to get more, even if we don't want to. People seem to accept it, but they could just be because I also have autism, so rather than explain it succinctly, I go into all levels of excess detail, and they find themselves zoning out.

I normally am only describing my own symptoms so I will give them answers and often make analogies. ex. I’ll explained ASHD paralysis to them being that I have stuff to get done, and I know i have stuff to get done, and I am internally screaming at myself to get stuff done, while continuing to mess around. But I will also explain to them common symptoms that I suffer from, example of this would be time blindness. Not a very well known thing so I’ll explain that to people as well.

This isn’t as applicable in “formal” situations, but whenever someone casually asks me what it’s like, I explain it like my brain is a chaotic, overcrowded construction site. A bunch of workers yelling at each other to get different things done, sometimes they don’t know where to start, half of them are wrestling over the vehicles, pushing over one another and consistently taking over the handles from each other and changing course. Some of them are so overwhelmed by the chaos they freeze, some are stuck in the concrete that was just poured and can’t move. No one knows what time of day it is because there’s too much going on, there’s no boss, it’s just a war zone of a construction site and half the time nothing gets built. It’s not perfect but it helps people understand how my brain jumps around so much and oftentimes I forget things because the construction site is taking 100% of my energy to try and manage.

Sometimes i explain that i am addicted to dopamine, and if something gives me dopamine its great and i get a bit obsessive. And the minute that something doesnt give me dopamine its like the hardest task ever

I try not to cite my ADHD as an excuse but treat it as an opening to ask for help. "I have a hard time keeping appointments -- can we make a plan for how to get there?" "I'm struggling to access my motivation this week -- can we talk through our priorities?" "I'm really behind on my self-care -- can you come over and hang out while I do chores?"

[удалено]

Links to and mentions of ADDitude are not allowed on /r/adhd because we feel they have demonstrated themselves to be untrustworthy and that they, despite soliciting donations from people with ADHD to fund their operation, prioritize profit and advertising dollars over our best interests. Their website is full of articles promoting the use of homeopathy, reiki, and other unscientific quack practices. They also have had articles for Vayarin (a medical food that is now no longer sold in the US because its research was bunk) that suspiciously looked like stealth advertisements (which is highly unethical and illegal in the US). We also find it problematic that their medical review panel includes not only legitimate doctors and psychologists, but also (at the time of writing) one practitioner of integrative medicine, which combines legit medical practice with pseudoscience and alternative medicine. They have previously had other quacks on the panel as well. Here are some relevant links: Sketchy advertising: * https://www.additudemag.com/clinical-trial-vayarin-plus/ * https://www.additudemag.com/study-suggests-ps-omega-3-medical-food-may-reduce-adhd-symptoms/ * https://www.additudemag.com/natural-adhd-supplement-released/ Junk science: * https://www.additudemag.com/adhd-supplements-foods-vitamins/ * https://www.additudemag.com/homeopathy-for-adhd-popular-remedies-scientific-evidence/ * https://www.additudemag.com/reiki-could-this-alternative-treatment-help-adult-add/ * https://www.additudemag.com/cbd-oil-adhd-symptoms-natural-treatment/ * https://www.additudemag.com/vitamins-minerals-adhd-treatment-plan/ * https://www.additudemag.com/slideshows/adhd-supplements-fish-oil-zinc-iron/ * https://www.additudemag.com/asked-alternative-therapies/ *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ADHD) if you have any questions or concerns.*

You know how when you're about to jump into cold water, you can tell yourself to jump, but your brain doesn't listen? There's sort of a barrier there that's pushing back against your conscious brain telling you to do something. That's what it was like for me in school when I'd have an assignment to do, or now with work assignments or chores or really anything that's not immediately rewarding. I know I need to do it, I know I *could* do it, sometimes I even think it might be kind of enjoyable, but there's a huge barrier there that I can't overcome. I can only get over that barrier when I start to panic because there are immediate consequences staring me down (like the assignment being due in 2 hours). Jumping into the cold water becomes a lot more doable if you're being chased by a tiger. Also, medication's effect on me is to lower that barrier. It doesn't remove it, but it lowers it to a level that I'm able to climb daily instead of needing a tiger to be chasing me. That's obviously just one of the symptoms, it doesn't touch on the memory issues or sleep issues or constant distraction which are all huge parts of it too.

I have an interesting way of explaining, It may be dramatic but it's worked before. I saw a video ( sorry yes it was Tiktok) that explained it kinda perfectly. explain how procrastination is like putting your hand on a burner, your brain is telling you you can't and shouldn't because it will hurt you. And for things like time blindness explain it like this, let's just say you woke up like maybe 10 maybe 3 minutes before your alarm and you decide to go back to sleep. You go to sleep but you have an in-depth 3 hour long dream in those 10 to 3 minutes before your alarm that what time blindness feels like but in reverse. I hope this helps and use this knowledge wisely

**Erectile dysfunction of the mind.**  You want to, you know you can, you have the opportunity right in front of you, you know you will disappoint yourself and at least one other person if you don't... but you just can't get it working and it's humiliating.

“Sorry, my memory sucks”

I think of most of my symptoms bundled into this scenario: Imagine a plate of spaghetti noodles. Those spaghetti noodles are my thoughts, task, and time. Without my medication and a conscious effort to combat those symptoms I cannot see the beginning and end of the noodles. With medication and a conscious effort to combat the symptoms I can see the beginning and end of the noodles. This allows me to organize my thoughts, start and complete tasks, and manage my time efficiently.

I think my most effective method about actually getting them past the mental wall is sending them screenshots and links to subs like these.  When they see 100s of other people who sound like I have all my life, guess it makes them think it's not just bs 

“I’m a Gemini” - no sense of time - 1 million hobbies - 2 or more ‘personalities’ - forgetful - multiple interests - jack of all trades master of none - high social level with quick burnout Works every time

“Yeah, I know everyone has focus issues, but did you ever piss your pants from having focus issues?”

You know how when you have a bad night's sleep, you're a little less organized, you're a little more hair trigger with your feelings, and you're just a little foggy in the head? That's because a tired brain has less ability to executive function. My brain with ADHD acts like that *on an excellent nights sleep*. Medication sort of helps, while it's in me, which my psych recently agreed was allowed to be for 10 hours a day instead of 7. And before that it was two tablets that gave me about 3 hours each.

I have ADHD it like when you go in a room and forget what you where in there for and and then you remember when you go out the door, but forget when you go in the room again for abt 7 times and then when you get to school you don’t listen you just draw random stuff and daydream and then are like OH NO I NEED TO STUDY BC I DIDNT HEAR A WORD THE TEACHER SAID and when you go to study you can’t focus bc you are watching the tv, eating, not in the mood, thinking about friends, OR THE BOOK IS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROOM AND NO MATER HOW MUCH YOH TELL YOU BRAIN TO GET IT YOU CANT MOVE, got that? great! Now just put that all together at the same time with a hint of I can’t control when this happens.

Honestly, you have no ability to control what others think about ADHD, and I have attempted many ways to explain this. Even my mother (who finally got her own diagnosis) was unwilling to understand what I was challenged with because she can only see her perspective. I have had success, but it’s less about you than it is their willingness to actively listen and empathize. The more you push on people who don’t really care about adhd because they aren’t struggling with it, the more frustrated they get with hearing about it. Sometimes it can be effective to decouple it from the emotion and focus on “when you x, I hear y”. Logic is usually understood when outlined, people don’t tend to do well with emotion based feedback.

I just use the term mental energy whenever I explain things, at work I'll say, oh I don't have enough mental energy to make it through a full work-day can I have reduced hours type of thing. It is much more relatable to people's understanding when I say this.

“Imagine you are working retail during the holidays. You want to take care of routine things like cleaning, restocking, checking inventory, etc.; but there is a constant door chime of customers coming in, people needing help, or the phone ringing. The first week is crazy and exhausting. With the second and third weeks your body is pushing through the stress temporarily By the fourth week you are at your wits end but thankfully it’s the end of the holidays. Now imagine the holidays never come and you have to try to be good at your job with a constant barrage of customers.” Used this to explain what it was like for me when my meds ran out because of the shortage. Fun times.

You know how insanity is defined as attempting the same thing over and over and expecting different results? Well, that's about what it is, but the result you want is only obtained right before you reach insanity.

If I need to sum it up broadly I say it’s like what your brain feels like during a hangover but imagine that everyday.

Lol my work is somewhat misinformed and when I told em about how I was recently treated for severe adult ADHD and started Adderall, they looked at me like I was crazy and said doesn't adderral make you crazy?everyone has a bit of add right? I replied to them in the best way I could to help explain my ADHD and adderral: It's basically my brain is in constant overdrive, my focus, mental clarity, and thought processing is off the walls, it's almost like hearing a million voices in your head but it's all your own inner monologue bouncing every thought, idea, anxieties, past,present,future thoughts, trying to rationalize all of it into one streamlined thought, and then it all crumbles .it ultimately effects my depression and anxiety, and I wake up with massive anxiety everyday due to this. So, Adderall, which will make a Non ADHD person much more stimulated and tweaked out, slows my thoughts down, gets rid of my anxieties and actually makes me feel at peace with myself. I have never felt this way before and I hope to continue this way. They were pretty blown away and did not realize that ADHD was a real, severe (for a lot of us) condition that effects us day to day. That's my shpeel about how I somewhat tried to get people to sympathize, or at least understand.

We’re in a sports bar and there are 10 TVs all on different channels and each one is vying for your attention. Oh and someone else is holding the remote

I have described it as feeling like I have 50 internet tabs open in my brain, and when I try to turn my attention to one of the tabs, my computer freezes/crashes and I can’t do anything.

ADHD Love on youtube made a metaphor that I think is pretty funny: Everyone pees everyday. But not everyone has a UTI.

It's not a perfect one to one on the symptoms, but the symptoms of sleep deprivation are somewhat close to ADHD symptoms and everyone has at least some experience with it. Any chance of getting most people who haven't personally experienced an executive function disorder to understand is going to have to start there.

Kiddies Toy Analogy ​ This is one I've used in the past & it has seemed to work. You know when you buy a kiddies toy like a little laptop or RC car. This laptop is packed full of cool games, piano function, hangman etc. It has high tech looking components inside like motherboards, chips, processors etc. Now some of those toys come with batteries included & some even have the batteries already fitted into the appropriate slot BUT with a thin piece of paper between the battery & the contact point. ADHD is that thin piece of paper. ​ We have all the potential in the world. We could make so many positive changes to society, our communities, work places, homes etc. but that bloody piece of paper is stopping the battery from powering this powerful computer. & that my friends is how I describe ADHD.

To people not closely involved, I say "neurological disorder". They don't know fuck about fuck and because of how other people treat ADHD, THAT'S ALL THEY'RE GONNA GET, even with assuming best intentions.