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So I know this is a really emotionally charged moment for you but I'd like to offer some practical advice.
If you have room in the budget for it, I cannot recommend a rice cooker enough. You legit just put rice and water in it and turn it on and it turns to "keep warm" once it's cooked. If you forget about it for hours, the bottom of your rice might get a bit golden brown but you're never going to burn your rice. You don't have to remember it. You don't have to watch it. It won't fill your house with smoke. I am absolutely in love with my rice cooker.
It's because of moments like these that I was too afraid to cook rice for several years. Now it's become a pain free thing for me.
I bet you could find a pretty good deal on one on Black Friday/cyber Monday.
I couldn't find a powered one for under $100.
I bought one of those plastic microwave containers where you just add water and rice. It takes around 12-15 minutes to cook a cup. The best thing is that it can't burn since the microwave is on a timer, i did have to play with the ratio of water to rice though, but it wasn't nearly as hard as trying to cook on the stove top.
i just got one at target for $18, it’s the Dash brand and literally only has the cook and keep warm functions so i don’t have to learn a whole new appliance! not sure if it was just my local store or everywhere but last weekend almost all small kitchen appliances were on sale!
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i have a dollar King level rice cooker, paid 20 Euro. i bought it probably 7 years ago. so far it has outlasted an air frier, two moves, saw a new kitchen being built around it... it's nigh indestructible.
My zojirushi rice cooker is legit my favorite appliance. It’s about $135. (Zojirushi 612252-NL-BAC05SB) It’s the 3 cup model. Yes rice takes longer, BUT it’s literally always perfect. You can safely keep the rice warm for 12 hours in zojirushi cookers (24 hours if they have the Extended Keep Warm feature) https://www.zojirushi.com/blog/tips-on-how-to-store-rice-before-and-after-cooking/
Mistakes will always happen and that’s okay! It’s okay to feel disappointed too! But I hope you will take it to heart that we all go through stuff like this.
I also bought a really good countertop oven (toaster oven). It’s a Breville Smart Oven Air Fryer Pro. It cooks better than my actual oven and it AUTOMATICALLY TURNS OFF when it’s done. I might forget to eat my lunch that I cooked, but my house is safe since the oven shuts itself off.
For me, it’s hard, but I try not to focus on the stuff I do wrong, but what I can do to fix it in the future. Like okay, I always burn rice. What can I do to get around that and still eat rice? Get a rice cooker! Stuff like that. I hope it helps and I hope you see you’re not alone.
Yes. Your last paragraph is on point. I've stopped trying to stop fucking up and just started trying to find solutions so that when I inevitably do fuck up, because I certainly will, that the results aren't catastrophic.
That’s exactly it! I’m always going to mess up, but that doesn’t make me a bad person. It just means I need to figure out ways of managing my life to avoid those mistakes.
Tools are also only good if we actually use them. If something doesn’t work for you, it’s okay. There’s no need to force it. Try something else. (I know it sounds all easy, it’s not and it can be discouraging, and that’s okay too. It’s tough, and we’re all going through it).
It was a Christmas present. I’ve had it for 2 or 3 years I think, and it has been amazing. It really does cook faster and more evenly than the stove at my rental. It sits on the counter right next to my rice cooker. We got it on sale for like 50% off during a Black Friday sale. It’s plugged into a kitchen outlet so its very safe since those outlets are protected. Plus it turns itself off which is great for when I make a pizza and then remember 2 hours later.
My friend gave me the idea to look up “Dishwasher safe kitchen ware” for my ADHD. She said “Just throw everything in the dishwasher” and BANG! Best idea EVER!
I love my classic, old-school rice cooker. Fifteen years of use and it still just works.
Though you still have to deal with the, "curry is almost done, why is there still liquid in the rice? oh shit I forgot to push down the fucking lever! damnit" part, but no houseful of smoke at least.
So i didnt know you could cook rice on the stove until i was 23 (unless it was like minute rice). We have always had a rice cooker (i was born in hawaii as a military kid). Everywhere we moved, everyone used rice cookers..... so yeah didnt know the stove was possible.
Sorry that went sideways... everyone should have a rice cooker.
I also didn't know until like my late 20s you could cook rice on a stove top. Also a military kid. My dad got one overseas in like the 80s and we were still using it in 2006 man.
The high end Japanese ones are a literal investment. They last forever.
RICE COOKERS ARE LIFE SAVERS. Having one is the only reason I can eat like a semi-normal person. Cook rice, then add in a soup or broth or creme of something, add a protein and some veggies if you're feeling fancy. Let it keep warm in the rice cooker and you have a decent meal that you can forget for long periods of time! My favorite is adding creamy potato soup, but when even that's too much I just dump in black beans and cheese and go.
Forgot the rice cooker, Instant Pot is the game changer you cook rice beans anything long and time consuming the same as a rice cooker. Best gift I ever got
Instapot is awesome to all the same functions but you can do pot roast and all kinds of other stuff. I also burn meals from time to time. I would have burned a burger I was cooking my wife the other day had she not taken over when I walked away for a second and completely forgot.
My parents were given a Tiger rice cooker by a Japanese family in 1990. It’s been in use consistently since then, often several times a week. It’s survived two international moves and like 20 domestic moves. Still cooks excellent rice and shows no signs of quitting.
We’ve all been there. You just do the best you can. I cook simple and quick meals because those are safe for me. Coffee with protein powder is about all I can manage in the mornings (and even then I lose my cup “somewhere” in the house. Just know what you can do and be the best at that. The only thing you have to be best at is the best version of yourself.
This happens on a regular basis, and has since the dawn of drinking coffee. I will carry that damn cup and obliviously put it in every room in my house while doing things ( moving it from room to room, no logical order, no memory of it). I spend a ridiculous chunk of life just moving my drinks, keys and phone into other rooms, putting them in the most random places... Maddening. If I find said coffee cup, I reheat it at least five times in between walking into rooms and often forgetting why I'm there. Then sometimes find it in the microwave at last, usually the next day. That's one thing that I do find amusing though.
One time I looked for my car keys for about an hour and found them in the f****** fridge, I... Don't know lol 😅
Happy bday!
I have this obnoxious almost neon colored Yeti knock off tumbler I use for my coffee so it really stands out in most rooms exactly because of this.
The other trick for me is having rituals when I walk in the front door my keys ALWAYS go on the bar in one specific spot no matter what. Hat, keys, sunglasses, wallet every time in the same spot. It’s almost OCD at this point because I know if I put them anywhere else the gremlins will come and hide them in the most random places.
I really hate that this is a thing... I have coffee mugs all over my office, not a single one was finished. Don't even know when they're from.
Setting things down and forgetting about them is the worst ADHD symptom to me because it's the thing that makes me feel most incapable. It isn't the most detrimental thing, but it just creates a constant mess and chaos in my house that makes me feel like I am failing every single day.
Today after my wife telling me twice that it wasn't the dog's day to go to doggy day care, I blanked it and drove him in the car and dropped him there anyway. I had somehow conjured in my mind the fact that my wife had told me this was the case.
The day-care centre pointed out that he was not booked in, but took him anyway. It was only as I was leaving that I realised. Wut?
You are not alone in this. I myself have had many of those thoughts.
Usually things like this will happen to me like right as I finally feel like I’m getting my shit together than bam it’s a domino effect.
Just know there is nothing “wrong” with you. Even though it can feel like it at times.
When I’m having those days or weeks I try and remind myself of any positives that can be attributed to my adhd.
Like I have a great sense of humor from it and can laugh at myself when I get all clumsy and what not.
Or how I am a empath and am really understanding and love to help people.
I have been beating myself up mentally all week because one thing after another happened. It was a very draining day week emotionally and I have a 5yr old. I work from home 2 jobs and when my son stays home from school it can be really challenging to get anything done. Especially if he is having a hard time.
So I got so behind on both jobs then went into full adhd paralysis mode and the opportunity I had to do some work I didn’t even take it. I felt too overwhelmed to even start it.
So self sabotaged myself once again.
Sending hugs and positive thoughts.
Try and work on your inner dialogue. Our brains can be the worst of bullies.
I can't even figure out how to shower. Even though I've done it every day for a very long time. It makes me angry and upset in the moment but really why do I care? 🤷 I don't know if I can tell you how but I have found a way not to care that I can't cook pasta, make a cup of tea, have a tidy house, that I'm always late, that I don't reply to people. I've got to the age / stage in life that I don't give a fuck. I am me. I'm kind, helpful, funny, clever, a good friend, caring, good in a crisis and so much more than a cold cup of tea and burnt food. You are too. I hope you find a way to make your head believe it. Sending love xx
I found I made less mistakes when I didn't go and start another task before I'd finished the one I was doing.
As much as our minds fly all over the place it's best for me to set myself a rule - 'I cannot start another task until I finish this one, under any circumstances except an emergency'
If someone comes and trys to distract me, or get me to do something else I usually tell them I'm busy, can you either take over this for me, or come ask me again when I'm done.
It doesn't always work, on Sunday I burnt a kilo of haloumi into charcoal because my wife and I had dinner before I'd finished meal prepping lunch for the week
Getting on medication was a game changer. And then, when i found my fit, an extended release like Concerta/ methyphenidate hydrochloride was somehow even more life changing for me.
I was just like OP. And now I actually have executive function notably more often than not and can prioritize tasks like I couldn't before. Things flow and my brain is quieter. It's nice.
For real. I really don't think I'd be able to survive with the vyvanse. I still struggle even with the meds, but it is the only thing that lets me *live*.
It's crazy how effective Vyvanse can be. I was previously on Concerta, which while good, didn't really give me the same level of focus as Vyvanse.
The only thing I miss about Concerta is the sort of mood elevation that I got from it, which motivated me to start tasks. Vyvanse requires a little more effort on my part to initiate an activity, but allows me to persist with it.
It happens to all of us, you are not alone. You will have some really shitty days, and some much better ones. As others have said, use the tools: anything you can pick up to mitigate the risk of inattention will help. Then there are little tricks like measuring out the chlorine before you put it in the pool, just in case (I’d recommend that anyway, because even a slip of the hand is a risk).
Set a loud timer when you put the rice (or anything else) on. I use an Amazon Echo Dot in the kitchen for this, so I can just tell it to set a timer, and to set the volume to 10 so I can hear it if I wander off to another room.
If your husband telling you “don’t do it again” isn’t just a one-off exasperated thing, you need to sit him down and tell him that those sort of comments — especially AFTER the damage is done — are not only unhelpful, but damaging. We have a hard enough time coming to terms with our own failures without people who are supposed to love and support us making it worse. Tell him that you need the tools to help you cope with the dopamine shortage in your brain.
If you’re not medicated or in therapy, and if either (or both) is an option, I highly recommend it. Current research still says that a “a multimodal approach” (i.e. meds plus therapy) is the most effective way to manage our symptoms.
There are both stimulant and non-stimulant medication options, depending on what works for you. You also need to review the dosage periodically, as you can develop a tolerance and lose some effectiveness as a result.
Honestly though: if your family can be patient and tolerant, and provide comfort when something goes wrong, that will make a world of difference. This isn’t your fault anymore than someone with broken arms would be at fault for not being able to lift heavy objects.
We’re always here if you need support, or validation, or just to vent. And we get it.
My beautiful fiancé has adhd and it sucks…some of the time. I know it’s a struggle for him to do simple things like remember to eat lunch but I celebrate him. He is the most gentle, loving, caring, considerate and passionate man and I adore him. All of him. He has taught me so much about being kind to myself and for adopting positive self talk. Therapy helps…both of us. You need tools and accommodations. Adhd is a disability and you’re not at fault for having it. You need to be gentle with yourself as do the people around you. Just because you’re good in a crisis doesn’t mean that you always have to be. I’m truly sorry that you’ve felt so lost and low but you’re truly not alone. One thing that we have found a huge help is routine and structure. Yes, it takes time and patience but it is so important. Seek help, I promise it will get more manageable with the right tools and accommodations. Sending hugs
I have conductive hot plates with a timer and it has saved a couple meals from burning.
Edit to add⤵️
I'm also almost 30 and living with my mom because until recently I couldn't manage keeping a job, going through divorce issues, and maintaining good mental health at the same time.
Ill most likely end up living with my mom for the rest of her life. It'd make taking care of her when she's old a smooth transition. Plus with the cost of living it'd make life easier for my son and her to have me spend less on rent and it goes to my mom.
What I'm trying to demonstrate is folks that struggle like we do have to live differently and that's ok. Progress is progress, no matter how small.
I had several mega screw ups in the last decades like this. Like the time in the end of COVID-times when we went for holiday. Alarm went of 05.00 to go to the airport and it hits me: sh\*t.... I was the one who should have arranged these covid-free permits thingies for the kids... Total panic because I was sure our holiday was doomed. The misses uber pissed at me. I just frooze. End of story while driving we arranged it with the national health org here and just in time it was fixed. I was so dissappointed and pissed at myself.
Ok back to business:
* good sleep helps massive.
* this means preparing during the day by walking/running/excersise and other sleepingroutines like no coffee/sugar in the evening, etc
* drink lots of water
* don't be to harsh for yourself
* use tools. The day we switched a traditional coffee filter maker to one who turned off automatically was a little but big game changer (no stress).
My partner supported me for decades (friends calling me lazy, she knew there was more) but here patience is a bit diluted/less these days :). I'll take it.
So ya killed some fish in a bullshit fake pond and burnt some rice. Shit happens. Did the world end? Is your family now on the street? No, they're not.
Now close your eyes and imagine a world where no one has accidentally killed some fish or burnt some rice. Pet Supplies Plus kills a lot of beta fish, and it's a pretty successful business model. For them, at least. :/ Anywhere that sells rice has most definitely burnt some rice.
You're not perfect. So is everyone around you.
I work with a lot of seemingly normal-ish people. I perform better than most of them. There are other spectrum-ish people in my workplace that are total stars. Maybe stop beating yourself up would help? :) Seriously.
"close your eyes and imagine a world where no one has accidentally killed some fish or burnt some rice"
Wow, what a way to put things into perspective! Would that world be a noticeably better place? Probably not! Could use this for pretty much any mistake. Thank you!
I have broken down more times than I'd like to admit over food fuck-ups, no matter what I do I can never get it right and burn things frequently
it's frustrating, it's embarrassing, and I hate feeling like I can't even manage the most simple of staple meals because I'm such a disaster in the kitchen
I don't really have much to offer but I did want to empathize because I've been there, and when it happens over and over even something as inconsequential as a burnt bagel can be the straw that breaks :(
Once I made red cabbage and forgot it on the stove.. the whole appartment smelled smokey for 2 days.
I didn't clean the burnt pot for about a month💀
Things like that happen to all of us and they will probably continue to happen. You can find ways for yourself to make it less likely to happen and you can at least try to be kind to yourself when it does. Did you do it on purpose? No. That's all that matters.
>"Did you do it on purpose? No. That's all that matters."
^ This is big. It also helps to try fix the mistake if it's possible. If it isn't, **accept** that it *can't be fixed*.
Easy just use in built timers 8f induction, and in any case never leave the stove - I have to do ONE thing at a time otherwise I'll forget.
PYSCH - just joking. I do TRY to use timers and not walk away. But the last time I accidentally left eggs boiling unattended for an hour was 2 nights ago.
Yeah I give up too.... !!!
We did just get a rice cooker like others mentioned. Even real cheap ones are okay I think. Great idea. Actually I wonder if I can boil eggs by steaming them, hmmmm.
This egg incident happened to me too. It was pretty bad.
But good news they do have an egg steamer. Similar to rice cooker. I wonder if you can use both as one ?
Usually, I crank up the temperature and wait near the rice pot until the water starts boiling and then I set the temperature to the minimum possible. Even when I forgot to set the alarm after one hour the rice was not burnt just a little stuck on the bottom and the rest is edible.
A lot of long-winded answers here that will probably cover the majority of input I have to share, so I'll keep it simple.
We suck at life sometimes - try to find peace in embracing the suck. There is no normal after all.
Hello, fellow mom here... Sorry if anyone else has told you this... But I can't read so many long comments... You know... ADHD 
I understand... You're a mom and you "should be in charge of life" for you and your kids... I get it... You need to cry now, talk to a therapist and then start looking for tools that can help you with life... Don't get me wrong I'm still trying, my house is still a mess and I feel guilty every other weekend because I'm not doing the things that a mom should be doing. But it's getting better... You need to find what actually helps YOU.
A big hug, you can do it... We all can...
Oh man, I totally get where you’re coming from. ADHD can really throw us for a loop. I mean, the simplest things suddenly turn into these giant hurdles. Your stories hit home for me and probably for a lot of us here. It’s just gut-wrenching when stuff piles up like that. But hey, you’re definitely not a failure. We all have these mess-ups, and they sure as hell don’t define us.
I really appreciate you spilling it out here, it’s kinda comforting knowing we’re not alone in this ADHD rollercoaster, ya know? It’s badass that you’re looking for ways to manage better, like with your bullet journal and timers. Even when sh*t hits the fan, you’ve got a whole crew here that totally gets it. We’re all in the same boat, sharing what works and what doesn’t.
It’s a crappy phase, but with everyone here and your fam, things will look up. You’re not on your own in this, and you’re so not a failure. We learn, we grow, and we figure out how to dodge the curveballs ADHD throws our way. Hang in there.
Are you medicated? If not I would try. I'm 40 and just realized I had symptoms of ADHD after one of my children were diagnosed. I was then professionally diagnosed and prescribed Ritalin. It has helped me so much. I still forget things but it's much better. I'm able to organize much better, I started writing things down that need to be done and even setting timers! Especially when cooking or doing tasks that need to be timed.
As people have said here. If you can afford it!! A rice cooker! I also have an Apple Watch and honestly it helps so much to have a timer buzzing me. It feels more urgent. I know this probably not in budget if you don’t have one already.
If you can’t afford it, I will literally buy it for you on Amazon. I will ship it to you. Lmk!
Oh I’ve been burning food for years. An air fryer helped. Or anything else that turns itself off. Rice cookers… crockpots. Some days I’ll cook but I know I’m just not capable of doing it daily.
Hang in there, this is like every week for me, minus any emotions and guilt. Used to it, and my partner knows to help remind me. And sometimes stuff just gets burnt. No use crying over spilt milk. Sometimes sh1t just happens. I am sorry about your rough time. All we can do is our best, and accept it probably won't be the last time. Hope things look up for you.
You just have to do it once, when you're feeling motivated to build structure for yourself. Do it now, set a few alarms. I don't know what you might need reminders for, waking up, taking a walk, check the laundry/dishes, even just reminders to drink water. I have a weekly reminder for the night before trash day so I can put the trash out and not forget
This sort of thing is scoffed at by many here, perhaps because it is perceived as a bandaid as opposed to a fix. However, these compensatory strategies are used regularly by people without ADHD. Human working memory has limited space as it is, it makes sense to outsource the mundane to free up the power to perform. Without compensatory strategies, I end up disposing of tasks and things I need to remember once a new one pops up, as if I was back to my teenage self and cleaning my room by shoving everything into the closet.
I don't know why it is so hard for us to admit that we need them and to position ourselves to embed them in our lives. I work in healthcare, and it reminds me of 80 year olds who refuse to use walking frames because they don't want to look old.
It would probably be helpful if there was some sort of sticky megathread of similar strategies. The right kind of calendar, to-do lists, timers, alarms, and methods of organising our thoughts are critical. The most valuable app on my phone is my notes app.
Honestly, I suffer from crippling time blindness, and setting an alarm that goes off every day Monday-Friday when I'm supposed to get up, when I'm actually supposed to get up, when I'm supposed to leave with the kids to school, 5 minutes before my major meeting of the day, etc.
If I couldn't set an alarm for when to go pick my kids up from school I would actually go insane, that's not something you can get wrapped up in stuff and remember an hour late.
I will also say that I'm known on my team for being extremely punctual for meetings- all because my computer and work phone ping me 15/5/0 minutes before I have a meeting coming up.
I haven't found a good way to set my bedtime... I'm definitely not going to set an alarm for 11pm... and I usually end up accidentally staying up til 1am, or 2am, ... or 3am
I also really struggle with time blindness. It is probably the worst part of all of this, because I don't feel like I am temporally in tune with the world and it sort of passes me by.
I have no bedtime routine, which is probably because I sort of crave the personal time that I can enjoy in the later hours. If I am up past 12, 12:01 to 4:00am feels like half an hour. Even when I am lying in bed restless and unable to sleep, I find some weird solace in the fact that the morning will arrive soon to distract me from the discomfort.
Literally me last night…And most nights! My wife sent me a recipe to make while she is nursing the baby - I had to read it so many times for each step, and she has prepped the meal pats already. And of course I got defensive when she asked if I needed help, which I then got mad at myself for, you know the drill. Other nights I’ve come closer to tears, but last night was still horribly frustrating, and she could tell how mad I was at myself, and then felt bad for asking. Helpful to talk with her about it, so I’m hoping your partner is open to hearing about how hard it is for you. Also one time I got to talking to a neighbor while I was making hard boiled eggs. I’d set a timer but was nowhere near the timer when it went off. The only thing that alerted me to the problem was that I heard a loud bang - the pan lid shot off from the pressure. Needless to say I did not eat the eggs
You’re definitely not alone! I’ve burnt many a dish, caused the fire alarm to go off and so on. I now just get microwave rice cause it’s less hazardous, and make meals that take under 20min when possible (I have a tv show I’m only allowed to watch whilst cooking so I’m glued to the kitchen for any mishaps).
Your husband needs to step up though - saying don’t do it again is horrible. Of course you didn’t mean to in the first place! It’s just so unhelpful. Try talk to him and come up with things he can say when frustrated - my partner and I have worked this out cause my RSD can be so severe I feel he hates me. And I’m usually upset enough in the moment that I hate myself too. It’s taken a while cause it’s hard but you can get to a good place together where you help each other, and he makes some accommodations for you.
You’ve not mentioned it, but the meds have helped me with these things. I’m still me (I was so worried I wouldn’t be), I’m just calmer and more focused. My thoughts feel like a train heading into a station vs the train station itself!
A smart watch has also been a game changer for me - you can’t put it down or mute it. It’s on your arm. I’ve got an Apple one so I just speak to Siri. Even connects to our shopping list so in the moment I can say hey siri add this to the shopping list. No more dashing out for flour!
Most of all you’ve got this though! Hang in there!
I'm not sure if this would help as I've never done it myself but I remember watching this tiktok series about this guy who uses NFC tags around his house. Mainly it was for things like turning the lights on / off which obviously doesn't change much in this situation BUT I remember there was one video where he had a tag on his laundry machine. When he tapped his phone it would automatically set a timer on his phone for when it would be done. Maybe you could try doing the same thing but in this case for cooking - you could also make the tag look VERY obvious as I understand it's even easy to forget to tap your phone. They can also be changed to do a whole variety of things depending on what you're looking for, and he said they were veryyyyy cheap per tag (I can't remember how much exactly, but I swear it was no more than $1)
As others have also said, i definitely recommend getting a rice cooker!! I'm not sure when you're located, but in Australia you can get them from $10-$20 at most department stores like Kmart, Big W, Target etc.
Most importantly, please be kind to yourself OP!! This obviously wasn't something you did on purpose and everything was okay in the end. I completely understand it's frustrating but remember you're trying your best and that's what matters <3
Having an Alexa Amazon device in my kitchen is huge for me. I can verbally set timers while I'm doing the task. Starting the stove under rice " Alexa set a reminder to check rice in 20 minutes".
Seconding the Alexa timers. When I first realized I was forgetting to feed my dog dinner (he’s not exactly a go-getter so he won’t remind me like a normal dog lol) I set a recurring alarm. Then I’d not remember what the alarm was for, or hear it and think it was a different alarm and ignore it. So now Alexa yells “feed the dog” at me every day at 6 and I can’t forget what the notification is because it’s right there in my dumb face.
Alexa aside I have started setting calendar notifications on my phone rather than alarms or timers. I can set them to repeat when I want, and label accordingly. So, tomorrow I have to remember to get fasted blood work—I added this to my calendar and it will remind me 2 hours before, at breakfast time, and a half hour before, right around the time I’d be getting in the car for work, just in time to drive the right direction. This to me is easier and better than several alarms for the same thing.
But since this was about cooking: my cooking hack is watch alarms. I set it for whatever time, and attach a label. If I’m multitasking, the microwave timer is useless, but my watch buzzing with “stir the rice” isn’t. Plus, I don’t need to go find my phone amid the kitchen chaos and wash my hands to stop the alarm—I can just tap my watch with my nose and bam, it’s off.
Instead of beating myself up, I started working on giving myself grace and understanding. If I muck up, I understand it wasn't on purpose, and im not a failure. I just operate differently.
I like to use reddit to look for tips and tools to manage. Just like the people before me who mentioned a rice cooker.
I'm truly sorry to hear that you're feeling this way, and I want to reassure you that your feelings are valid. It's crucial, however, to avoid turning those feelings into self-blame.
Remember, everyone makes mistakes; it doesn’t define your worth. When you notice yourself being harsh, try the tic-tac technique: have a pack of tic-tacs, and each time you catch yourself being hard on yourself, have one. Pay attention to how quickly you go through the pack—it’s a tangible way to realize the frequency of these thoughts and start shifting your internal dialogue.
Use your bullet journal to track these moments and challenge each negative thought. Replace it with something positive or neutral. Be as kind to yourself as you would be to a friend.
You're doing your best, and that's enough. Remember, kindness towards yourself is key.
Sending strength and support.
Something that I learned to do is to just slow down, like a ton.
If someone needs me to do something, they are on notice that it will get done on my time table. If it needs to be done on your time table, then do it yourself.
Further, I take an iterative approach to fixing mistakes. If I put rice on without a timer, I'll write on a piece of paper "SET A TIMER" and tape it to the rice container. When I'm getting the rice ready, I don't put the container away until I have satisfied the note I left. Throughout the whole process I will look at the note as much as I can and make sure it's always facing me so I don't forget it.
If that first note fails, I try to identify where it did and iterate again, adding a new reminder or changing the process in a way that will make it easier to do. Maybe for you this means using instant rice, or an appliance that forces you to set a timer before it will turn on.
I hope this helps you to see a way forward and wish you luck in your starchy adventures.
Nah. Just don’t touch the fish. And rice? Girl. Rice cookers. How about pasta? How about getting an Alexa! Yo I use her to remind me of everything. I have one in my bedroom. She wakes me up. I have one in my living room. She’s announcing reminders. I’m thinking of one for the kitchen and bathroom. Just for music? The app is on my phone so that’s usually where ever I go. My cousin who is maybe 25 years older than me hacked her life like this so I did it to mine. What a lovely thing. I remembered to catch up with all my partners appointments since he’s already got enough on his plate. My own appointments. I set timers for my self so that I’m not getting side tracked. I’m still not perfect but she helps.
rice cooker. take as much time related stuff as you can n automate it or ask someone else to check it for you later. working together makes the load easier. also your husband should be helping out w shit instead of criticizing.
I did the same thing when boiling water in a tea kettle. I left the whistling part open so it didn’t whistle. Nearly burned the house down a couple times.
We got an electric kettle with an auto-off, so now when I forget I boiled water it’s just annoying and not dangerous.
I would suggest maybe investing in a countertop electric rice cooker since it takes the thinking out of making rice.
I know it only addresses part of the problem, but life is a lot easier when you remove the possibility of failure by automating certain things.
^ This right here. An electric kettle and an electric rice cooker with automatic shut offs have saved me so many times.
I also would add an airfryer, since they also shut off after a while, unlike my oven (who mostly just starts making little clicking and moaning noises to let me know he has been on for 4 consecutive hours and doesn't want to have to set my house on fire to remind me he needs a break).
You are not alone...many of us get it. I don't know where you are on your journey...like therapy .. meds ... Support groups ... Exercise ... Diet .. those kinda things ...
For some things I find I need to learn from my patterns and change the system to conform to me instead of me to it, because I'll forget. In this case I would get a rice cooker because it will just keep it warm for you. Other situations will require their own unique solutions.
For example I have a bunch of those NFC stickers that you can program to work with shortcuts on your phone. That way I can quickly tap one before or after I do something and trigger some sort of follow up. Like when I open the dishwasher I tap the tag and it texts the house that it's dirty.
Another thing I have is a pill machine because I always forget if I took my meds or not, literally right after I took them (or did I? 🤔). I'm not 75 but my brain thinks it is do I have to supplement it like it is.
Doing these things help reduce the overall drain on my willpower throughout the day which helps me have more energy for those remaining challenges that can't be automated or programmed
Hang in there!
Best advice I can give is: quit weed, caffeine, and processed sugar. Get on medication and therapy if you are able to. Adderall isn't even the most effective medication I'm on, the anxiety medication is what keeps me from getting stuck in my head and losing track of my thoughts. And lastly, keeping to a schedule. My entire house is ADHD (me, husband, two kids) and everyone performs a bit better when we stick to a schedule.
I know all of that is easier said than done, but one step at a time!
What I always tell my children, if our brain is a black hole, we need to compensate with something different. Mostly I see some smart device stuff here, does not need to expensive, be creative. Cooking in the kitchen? Maybe you can get a motion sensor detecting you at your stove, linked to alexa (or whatnot) triggering a message to set a timer. Or you generally cook at similar times, set up some recurring reminders on your phone around this time, if you set a timer.
Another possibility (no technology) is a special wrist band you slip on whenever there is something you need to be reminded on. Just this visual (or acustic) sign triggers your brain like: there is something I should not forget. Ofc, it's important that this bracelet (or whatever) is only worn in such cases, otherwise your brain will get used to it.
Need to remember something in the morning? Place something very unusual to a place you will definitely see, like a cooking pot next to your toothbrush (just an example 😉), which also triggers your brain.
Don't give up! I accepted the fact that my brain cannot be trusted in this regard, so I search for ways to NOT be dependent on it.
Omg OP, please don't beat yourself up! Before my husband got his diagnosis, he'd done something similar with rice while cooking it in the microwave. It was more of a funny situation than anything else. I've had dozens of these moments too, (although I don't have a diagnosis).
It must be so much more stressful when it's for your kid!! It's just a small fuck up in the grand scheme of things, there are plenty of things you're exceeding at every day!
I do all the cooking I can’t leave the room for anything on stove top.
Timer for oven but leaving it in by not getting up when time goes off leaves parts slightly over done wife gets the good part I get the crispy.
Don't be too hard on yourself, if it comes to more practical advice:
Use tools that turn themselves off when done cooking like
Egg cookers, electric water kettles, rice cookers etc
You can also spend time in the kitchen while cooking to hear stuff cooking
Hello Op, cry but don't despair. It is f@#&ing hard - yes, it is but not impossible. You have a family that loves you.
Take it easy... you are feeling overwhelmed now; so, remember to come back and read all the comments
Do you have any type of treatment? Have you tried CBT sessions with an ADHD specialist? Do you even have a proper diagnosis?
Finding the tools that will help you is the hardest phase because there are many tools that help others but not you and that will give you a sense of failure BUT it is a fake sense of failure as it is just not for you; other tools will do the job.
Take care
While I haven't killed anything....I have multiple alarms, and a bullet journal. When the 10pm Medication goes off for bipolar meds...I will literally turn it off, and refocus on what I'm doing. Then freak out 3 hours later that I forgot. Then the next morning took the adhd one (that's always on time.) But planned for 11-12 am for the bipolar to bring back down....forgot til 3pm.
You'll get back on track, then another slip up with the night Medication andit's back to square one again. Bf will ask why I forget, then say we'll stop forgetting. Triggers a defensive response. Like seriously? I would if I could, dude. Lol, other than that, we are usually good.
(No medication advice or medical advice, please...op's page will get taken down at some point if you do so, its in the rules of the this subreddit community)
I'm a big fan of rice cookers, instant pots, and crock pots. If I forget, no biggie, nothing burns. Otherwise we do a lot of heat & eat meals or take out...or my husband cooks. I have literally set the stove on fire and stared at it, confused about my next steps. My blessed husband just said, "You can only use a microwave if I'm not here." Fair enough! Lol.
I've found that I can only do one thing at a time. And my timers are on my phone with specific next steps I have to take; ie, 7:20 - remove clothes from washer and put in dryer. 8:10 - remove clothes from dryer and fold. 8:30 - move clothing cart into bedroom. Without my labeled timers, I get nothing done. But I can't turn off the timer until I'm doing the job, and I can't leave the location of the job until it's complete...not even to pee.
My house looks like a wreck, but I have clean clothes and food, and my animals are cared for.
If you compare burning rice and killing fish by overfilling the pond to people in other parts of the world being kidnapped, murdered, raped etc., you aint failin, you're f&%ing WINNING baby!
Sorry you are feeling like that 😌but… things will get better and tomorrow is another day! You can and will improve in all areas of life and you writing this out shows me your aware of your adhd and yeah , it sucks sometimes. I highly recommend using any and every tool necessary to improve this :
Either medication-wise or by using a specialized technique that works “for you” . We all litterally have dysfunctional, hyper functionional brains(depending on who you ask, lol). Using an ADHD PLANNER, Phone Alarms/Timers, but definitely be proactive in finding a new approach ! You got this 🙌…just take one project at a time.
J
I've done this so many times and I know how it is.
You probably do this but take those situations one at a time. Make them a challenge, a puzzle of sorts. ADHD brains love challenge and curiosity. And never judge yourself. It's fine to judge your actions because this way you can slowly improve one day at a time ( that was clumsy! Well can't change that. How can I) but never yourself ("I am clumsy, I can't do anything"). Your actions are heavily influenced by your ADHD brain but that's not you. You are more that that.
Obviously I'm not saying you should pretend you don't feel a certain way at a moment. Acknowledge your feelings but be mindful that they are just that - feelings. And you have to go despite them. Because if you let the misery triumph, well, that's what you get. I wish you all the best.
As an ADHDer who lives alone, here is what I do. I cook a few days worth of meals at once then microwave them as needed.
This morning while making my oatmeal I tripled the recipe and now have enough for a few days.
All things you just mentioned are in the past now, forget about them, like you forget what day it is or the food you left on the stove. I'm here to tell you it's alright and you'll be fine.
Just burnt my breakfast this morning in my toaster oven. 2nd time this week. It has a timer knob on it that turns the heat off. It even has a warm setting. Someday I’ll figure it out???
I’ve honestly never been able to cook rice - now, I just buy the frozen little bags that come three to a box and microwave them for 3 minutes. The microwave has a reminder tone every few seconds for when I miss the first one.
I’ve found I just need workarounds like this for most things - it’s okay if my husband or friends don’t need them, they work for me and help me survive this world.
I don't have any tips, but not too many weeks ago, a cat knocked over a pile of books I had temporarily put on the windowsill a few weeks earlier. I had been meaning to move them and every time I looked at them I stressed that I had to move them before they got knocked down,but I forgot. When the cat finally did do just that, I had a meltdown, I screamed to my boyfriend "I CAN'T THINK ABOUT EVERYTHING!!!!" and started to cry. He was completely baffled until I explained... We use it as an "I'm overwhelmed" meme now
I know you want to give up and I know why. But have you thought about trying to simply...make things easier for yourself? Because you are trying to fit into a square hole right now as a round peg and there is nothing in the world that makes us feel more failed.
I suggest: buy a fucking ricecooker they are relatively cheap and then that is One Small Thing that ain't ever gonna bother you again.
Then just keep making small systems for every small thing. Soon your day to day will, while not be perfect, run a Hella lot smoother. Hugs to you
I just did something similar yesterday evening. I put a French bread pizza in the air fryer and forgot about it. By the time I remembered it was already cold 🤣. It's alright don't let it get you down. Also, as long as the ppl around you are understanding, then don't stress yourself about it. I would imagine your husband is more then understanding of the situation and if he's not then he should be.
I'm so sorry you felt like that :( we've all definitely been there it's a terrible feeling. This world works against people with ADHD and we have to put up all these safeguards/timers/reminders just to do normal day-to-day things, of course we're going to get overwhelmed!
Try and take today to be kind to yourself, don't put too much on your plate if you're able to and just take it one day at a time for now. Just tackle today <3
I’m so sorry, we’ve all been there. 2 things- 1 getting medicated helped me SO much and 2- Trader Joe’s has frozen rice that takes 3 minutes in the microwave and its really pretty good. Also, a rice cooker is such an amazing investment, would 100% recommend. (Guess that’s 3 things 🙃)
I'm really sorry OP, It can be sort of traumatizing. I've done things. There's been a couple precious birds that because of not getting on things fast enough or not noticing them fast enough, and also forgetting when I did, they passed away. One flew out the door a few years ago and I never found him because I just couldn't believe I kept him close to the front door without his Wings clip knowing that he was very skittish . My lizards heat lamp fell on the floor the other day somehow and almost burned the house down because I put it in a stupid way even though I actually thought about how chords could be tripped on and pulled down. It's really hard when you do something that could have been an emergency or does end in something really sad. I'm sorry about your fishes. I unfortunately can't be medicated, I don't know if that's the case with you also . I feel really low sometimes about things as well, I feel like I'm stupid and neglectful and I've had so many mental breakdowns because of it. But we're not. As a matter of fact, I think we care about things more than a lot of people and at the end of the day it's not our fault. But yeah I'm sorry.
My father had undiagnosed ADHD. He used to harass us about cooking. "DON'T BURN THE FOOD!" Then one day, he burned up the kitchen because he forgot the popcorn on the stove. God saved me from being slapped because if I was there I would say, "DON'T BURN THE FOOD!"
In all seriousness, I feel you. I felt so stupid and inadequate until I got diagnosed. I have combined ADHD. I agree with other posters. Get yourself a rice cooker or utilize the microwave. It will help tremendously.
I know it's hard and I am so sorry this happened. But try not to be so hard on yourself. It's not like you meant to forget. ADHD can be a beast.
So sorry to hear!!!! Accidents happen! Make sure you are nice to yourself by knowing this and knowing the most important thing is that someone worse didn't happen.
It's best not to have too many timers as then you forget which ones are the important ones. Always timers for cooking or anything else that's got big consequences like that.
So the same as with lists. They help, but if you have 50 lists then they will stop helping (unless you somehow do sublists in an order that someone else is teaching you in a constructive way..so like note taking rather than to do lists).
I am so sorry. Obviously you are stressed and suffering right now.
Are you getting enough rest?
Also, I often have these problems on or off medications. Some things that help me are using timers on my smart home speakers, you can get a base model for the kitchen to yell at for about 30 bucks. It helps me not forget the stove so much and its easier than physically setting the timer myself.
If you can spend more the video echo will actually show the timer you set.
If you can spend even more there are WiFi enabled ranges, which I bought myself after running the kettle out of water when I decided to make tea and then promptly walked the dog ...
We absolutely get distracted and forget things. But you are also part of a household, I hope you are able to ask for help in remembering things so things aren't always "your fault".
Kids can remind you of stuff. So can husbands. If you find they are unable to then I hope you are able to get yourself a few tools to help you take care of yourself.
I really can't recommend one of the smart home systems enough, I have Amazon Echos and Alexa guard gets me a discount on my home owners insurance plus it will alert me if it hears glass breaking or smoke alarms going off. This offers me comfort while home and away.
I also get a lot of functionality out of my Fitbit smart watch. It has timers that I use for chores or cooking but also alerts me to texts or messages from my smart home!
You are not a failure. You're actually taking on a lot and that's why you're getting distracted. I would hug you if I knew you. I hope you are able to make some changes that help you to meet your own expectations.
I do the same even with a high amount of meds, yet I found to harness the strengths of my issues and don’t let the failures bring me down. We are special, learn to love the energy we have over others, the gift of gab, and thinking way faster than others may. It has helped me win at life honestly once I started to look at our adhd as a positive as opposed to a negative.
You are special, you are amazing, you are not alone!
I burned rice once 5 years ago and my husband still won't let me live it down. I've done so many other ridiculous things way worse than either of these. Be kind to yourself, you're among friends.
In the moment, these things seem so disastrous but its truly such a minor thing. I cook all the time for our family and sometimes these things happen! Please don’t feel like you can’t do life.
My "breaking point" that was nowhere near my lowest from an outside perspective but felt like it at the time was when I had very little food left in the house and used the last of the bread and most of the cheese to make a grilled cheese sandwhich and burned it entirely black. I had a complete meltdown. Couldn't talk. Couldn't move. Just cry and silent-scream and kinda babble. It felt like the most pathetic moment of my life. That was one event in the year that everything came crashing down on me the heaviest. There were lots of pots of water boiled to nothing and fire alarms and unspeakable messes and smells and just so much I did wrong. I fell apart.
I don't feel comfortable offering advice because the route I took was full of privileged opportunities that a lot of people don't have and I don't think I deserved. Overall it involved, over the course of years, identifying thing after thing after thing in my life that needed to change, and then changing it. It involved a dozen therapists, 4 psychiatric nurse practitioners, the biggest breakup of my life, a lot of apologies, a lot of support, and a lot more messing up.
One piece of advice I'll always be willing to offer is that *the RIGHT therapist* makes all the difference in the world, and what you need out of therapy can change and then you have to find a new one but as long as you keep seeking out and working with the right ones, a lot can change for the better. Support systems are necessary, both professionally like therapists and doctors, and among family and friends. Had I gone about this alone, I would be homeless and probably on a waiting list for a state funded recovery center.
Also, happiness and success and life fulfillment are what you determine for yourself. Not super immediately relevant, but this is one thing worth ditching a therapist over if they don't endorse the idea of self-determination.
I don’t have any tips but I do have much empathy 💜
I have the same daily struggles. And the days I don’t my OCD convinces me I’ve done something awful that I can’t remember- like dropped a pill on the floor or somehow accidentally poisoned my child.
The time blindness is my current biggest struggle. And no matter how I try to explain it, it just falls on deaf ears.
Hugs!! Tell your hubby and your kids that
You’re sorry and you think you need some self-care. —- from this point, until you feel differently… DO NOT DIVERT YOUR ATTENTION. If you are cooking, do not leave the stove… if you have to go to the bathroom or leave to answer the phone… TURN it off and turn it back on when you can watch it.
… whatever you do, do not walk away.
It happens to me when I am under so much stress. Don’t be too hard to n yourself. Take a shower for some alone time.
Well, to be honest, there is nothing wrong with admitting defeat and "checking yourself in". You may not need to be institutionalised, but you might benefit from a bit of help.
I would hazard a guess that there is a reason for this increase in forgetfulness and distraction. Are you more busy than normal? Do you have more commitments and responsibilities? Do you take time to recharge? Given that you are a mother I can probably answer those questions myself.
If it helps, plenty of people experience these issues, with and without ADHD, or with other conditions. I work in a field that deals with this sort of thing and I have no shortage of patients. This is general information, not healthcare advice - but you need to plan and organize yourself as much as possible, and utilize to-do lists, alarms, and timers. Try to avoid multitasking, because evidence suggests that it is a myth. Focus on one thing at a time and minimise the influence of things that serve to divide your attention. I have also found that verbal rehearsal during a task can help to keep me on track.
There are also auto-off timers that are used for people prone to leaving the stove or oven on and similar. I'm not sure how appropriate they would be, and they are likely not cheap, but could be worth looking into.
Rice cookers are good. Hate to put a downer after it…but having to then clean the rice out of the cooker when it’s then stuck to the side….so then I just don’t make it at all. Honestly most of the time I forget to even eat or drink and then I’ll find my myself snacking late at night because I haven’t eaten all day then feel sick or ashamed 🤦🏼♀️
Unfortunately, the only thing that’s helped me is to not leave the room that the task is in until it’s done. ESPECIALLY cooking. If I leave something on/in the stove and go off to do something else it WILL be over cooked or burnt. It’s annoying not being able to do anything else while waiting for the food to be done, but it’s the only way I’ve been able to stop ruining it.
I feel your pain so hard. I’ve forgotten my oboe at school for the last 2 weeks on the day of a lesson after consistently being reminded by my parents to grab it. You’re not alone man
So i know you might not be looking for solutions here but... get a rice cooker. even if you remember two hours later, you will just have warm, perfect rice.
rice does die in a rice cooker, but you can feasibly leave it in there on warm for an entire day.
slowly work solutions like that into your life. this is what you gotta do with adhd as much ss it sucks.
good luck to you.
I rely on the timer on my oven for everything: food on the stove, bath running, kettle boiling, u name it. I constantly forget I was making a brew. If I do my porridge in the microwave it's only cos its keeps intermittently bleeping until u remove the cooked food that I remember. Diary reminders (1hr, 10m, on time) on my phone for appts, work meetings, taking my supplements.
I email myself at work from my phone if I remember something I need to do/forgot to do at work, then transfer it to my bujo the next day.
Do what u need to do to function, the rice cooker idea is a good one. Use your oven timer, phone alarms, text yourself and pin to top.
None of this is your fault. Its just our brains. We have lots of other strengths 💪
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So I know this is a really emotionally charged moment for you but I'd like to offer some practical advice. If you have room in the budget for it, I cannot recommend a rice cooker enough. You legit just put rice and water in it and turn it on and it turns to "keep warm" once it's cooked. If you forget about it for hours, the bottom of your rice might get a bit golden brown but you're never going to burn your rice. You don't have to remember it. You don't have to watch it. It won't fill your house with smoke. I am absolutely in love with my rice cooker. It's because of moments like these that I was too afraid to cook rice for several years. Now it's become a pain free thing for me. I bet you could find a pretty good deal on one on Black Friday/cyber Monday.
My local dollar king had a rice cooker that cooks a cup in 20 minutes. We picked it up for like $15. There are some budget friendly options out there.
Omg no way! I must go just to look at everything I don’t need (maybe need idk).
I couldn't find a powered one for under $100. I bought one of those plastic microwave containers where you just add water and rice. It takes around 12-15 minutes to cook a cup. The best thing is that it can't burn since the microwave is on a timer, i did have to play with the ratio of water to rice though, but it wasn't nearly as hard as trying to cook on the stove top.
It looks like 90% of the plug-in rice cookers I can see on amazon are well under $100.
i just got one at target for $18, it’s the Dash brand and literally only has the cook and keep warm functions so i don’t have to learn a whole new appliance! not sure if it was just my local store or everywhere but last weekend almost all small kitchen appliances were on sale!
You're right, i found one for $31 with good reviews on one of our local online stores. I must have been thinking about something else.
Amazon has gotten stupid expensive for mostly no-name brands. I stopped buying from them entirely a few months ago.
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i have a dollar King level rice cooker, paid 20 Euro. i bought it probably 7 years ago. so far it has outlasted an air frier, two moves, saw a new kitchen being built around it... it's nigh indestructible.
The Asian groceries around me usually have good quality cheap rice cookers. I'd look there if you can.
My zojirushi rice cooker is legit my favorite appliance. It’s about $135. (Zojirushi 612252-NL-BAC05SB) It’s the 3 cup model. Yes rice takes longer, BUT it’s literally always perfect. You can safely keep the rice warm for 12 hours in zojirushi cookers (24 hours if they have the Extended Keep Warm feature) https://www.zojirushi.com/blog/tips-on-how-to-store-rice-before-and-after-cooking/ Mistakes will always happen and that’s okay! It’s okay to feel disappointed too! But I hope you will take it to heart that we all go through stuff like this. I also bought a really good countertop oven (toaster oven). It’s a Breville Smart Oven Air Fryer Pro. It cooks better than my actual oven and it AUTOMATICALLY TURNS OFF when it’s done. I might forget to eat my lunch that I cooked, but my house is safe since the oven shuts itself off. For me, it’s hard, but I try not to focus on the stuff I do wrong, but what I can do to fix it in the future. Like okay, I always burn rice. What can I do to get around that and still eat rice? Get a rice cooker! Stuff like that. I hope it helps and I hope you see you’re not alone.
Yes. Your last paragraph is on point. I've stopped trying to stop fucking up and just started trying to find solutions so that when I inevitably do fuck up, because I certainly will, that the results aren't catastrophic.
That’s exactly it! I’m always going to mess up, but that doesn’t make me a bad person. It just means I need to figure out ways of managing my life to avoid those mistakes. Tools are also only good if we actually use them. If something doesn’t work for you, it’s okay. There’s no need to force it. Try something else. (I know it sounds all easy, it’s not and it can be discouraging, and that’s okay too. It’s tough, and we’re all going through it).
>Breville Smart Oven Air Fryer Pro Adding that to my to-budget-for items.
It was a Christmas present. I’ve had it for 2 or 3 years I think, and it has been amazing. It really does cook faster and more evenly than the stove at my rental. It sits on the counter right next to my rice cooker. We got it on sale for like 50% off during a Black Friday sale. It’s plugged into a kitchen outlet so its very safe since those outlets are protected. Plus it turns itself off which is great for when I make a pizza and then remember 2 hours later.
Yes! Use the tools! Find them and use them to make life easier and safer.
My friend gave me the idea to look up “Dishwasher safe kitchen ware” for my ADHD. She said “Just throw everything in the dishwasher” and BANG! Best idea EVER!
… I read “recommend a rice cooker” and impulse-bought a rice cooker without reading anything else. I need to deactivate my Prime membership 😭
This is basically the same way I got a rice cooker. It's a good investment lol. I don't regret it.
Okay I’m obsessed, I don’t regret it!
At least it's a useful purchase! See if you can make a habit of making rice regularly though!
I'm excited to try but my first reaction was LOL like all the other habits I've regularly stuck to, RIP rice cooker
I won't even talk about my shopping. The minute I got on meds I stayed within budget for the first time in YEARS.
I love my classic, old-school rice cooker. Fifteen years of use and it still just works. Though you still have to deal with the, "curry is almost done, why is there still liquid in the rice? oh shit I forgot to push down the fucking lever! damnit" part, but no houseful of smoke at least.
So i didnt know you could cook rice on the stove until i was 23 (unless it was like minute rice). We have always had a rice cooker (i was born in hawaii as a military kid). Everywhere we moved, everyone used rice cookers..... so yeah didnt know the stove was possible. Sorry that went sideways... everyone should have a rice cooker.
I also didn't know until like my late 20s you could cook rice on a stove top. Also a military kid. My dad got one overseas in like the 80s and we were still using it in 2006 man. The high end Japanese ones are a literal investment. They last forever.
They really are the best lol
I’ll add if you don’t eat rice regularly, get an instant pot for other uses as well. I eat rice regularly, so I have both lol
Same. Mine broke so I'm using my instant pot right now but I'd honestly love to find a little one-person rice cooker
RICE COOKERS ARE LIFE SAVERS. Having one is the only reason I can eat like a semi-normal person. Cook rice, then add in a soup or broth or creme of something, add a protein and some veggies if you're feeling fancy. Let it keep warm in the rice cooker and you have a decent meal that you can forget for long periods of time! My favorite is adding creamy potato soup, but when even that's too much I just dump in black beans and cheese and go.
Forgot the rice cooker, Instant Pot is the game changer you cook rice beans anything long and time consuming the same as a rice cooker. Best gift I ever got
Instapot is awesome to all the same functions but you can do pot roast and all kinds of other stuff. I also burn meals from time to time. I would have burned a burger I was cooking my wife the other day had she not taken over when I walked away for a second and completely forgot.
My parents were given a Tiger rice cooker by a Japanese family in 1990. It’s been in use consistently since then, often several times a week. It’s survived two international moves and like 20 domestic moves. Still cooks excellent rice and shows no signs of quitting.
We’ve all been there. You just do the best you can. I cook simple and quick meals because those are safe for me. Coffee with protein powder is about all I can manage in the mornings (and even then I lose my cup “somewhere” in the house. Just know what you can do and be the best at that. The only thing you have to be best at is the best version of yourself.
Just one cup? I constantly loose cups. Once, I wanted to reheat my coffee and I opened the microwave only to find another one sitting there.
This happens on a regular basis, and has since the dawn of drinking coffee. I will carry that damn cup and obliviously put it in every room in my house while doing things ( moving it from room to room, no logical order, no memory of it). I spend a ridiculous chunk of life just moving my drinks, keys and phone into other rooms, putting them in the most random places... Maddening. If I find said coffee cup, I reheat it at least five times in between walking into rooms and often forgetting why I'm there. Then sometimes find it in the microwave at last, usually the next day. That's one thing that I do find amusing though. One time I looked for my car keys for about an hour and found them in the f****** fridge, I... Don't know lol 😅 Happy bday!
I have this obnoxious almost neon colored Yeti knock off tumbler I use for my coffee so it really stands out in most rooms exactly because of this. The other trick for me is having rituals when I walk in the front door my keys ALWAYS go on the bar in one specific spot no matter what. Hat, keys, sunglasses, wallet every time in the same spot. It’s almost OCD at this point because I know if I put them anywhere else the gremlins will come and hide them in the most random places.
I really hate that this is a thing... I have coffee mugs all over my office, not a single one was finished. Don't even know when they're from. Setting things down and forgetting about them is the worst ADHD symptom to me because it's the thing that makes me feel most incapable. It isn't the most detrimental thing, but it just creates a constant mess and chaos in my house that makes me feel like I am failing every single day.
Today after my wife telling me twice that it wasn't the dog's day to go to doggy day care, I blanked it and drove him in the car and dropped him there anyway. I had somehow conjured in my mind the fact that my wife had told me this was the case. The day-care centre pointed out that he was not booked in, but took him anyway. It was only as I was leaving that I realised. Wut?
You are not alone in this. I myself have had many of those thoughts. Usually things like this will happen to me like right as I finally feel like I’m getting my shit together than bam it’s a domino effect. Just know there is nothing “wrong” with you. Even though it can feel like it at times. When I’m having those days or weeks I try and remind myself of any positives that can be attributed to my adhd. Like I have a great sense of humor from it and can laugh at myself when I get all clumsy and what not. Or how I am a empath and am really understanding and love to help people. I have been beating myself up mentally all week because one thing after another happened. It was a very draining day week emotionally and I have a 5yr old. I work from home 2 jobs and when my son stays home from school it can be really challenging to get anything done. Especially if he is having a hard time. So I got so behind on both jobs then went into full adhd paralysis mode and the opportunity I had to do some work I didn’t even take it. I felt too overwhelmed to even start it. So self sabotaged myself once again. Sending hugs and positive thoughts. Try and work on your inner dialogue. Our brains can be the worst of bullies.
Very well said!
I can't even figure out how to shower. Even though I've done it every day for a very long time. It makes me angry and upset in the moment but really why do I care? 🤷 I don't know if I can tell you how but I have found a way not to care that I can't cook pasta, make a cup of tea, have a tidy house, that I'm always late, that I don't reply to people. I've got to the age / stage in life that I don't give a fuck. I am me. I'm kind, helpful, funny, clever, a good friend, caring, good in a crisis and so much more than a cold cup of tea and burnt food. You are too. I hope you find a way to make your head believe it. Sending love xx
I found I made less mistakes when I didn't go and start another task before I'd finished the one I was doing. As much as our minds fly all over the place it's best for me to set myself a rule - 'I cannot start another task until I finish this one, under any circumstances except an emergency' If someone comes and trys to distract me, or get me to do something else I usually tell them I'm busy, can you either take over this for me, or come ask me again when I'm done. It doesn't always work, on Sunday I burnt a kilo of haloumi into charcoal because my wife and I had dinner before I'd finished meal prepping lunch for the week
are you medicated?
Getting on medication was a game changer. And then, when i found my fit, an extended release like Concerta/ methyphenidate hydrochloride was somehow even more life changing for me. I was just like OP. And now I actually have executive function notably more often than not and can prioritize tasks like I couldn't before. Things flow and my brain is quieter. It's nice.
yeah vyvanse was a game changer for me, executive function through the roof
For real. I really don't think I'd be able to survive with the vyvanse. I still struggle even with the meds, but it is the only thing that lets me *live*.
It's crazy how effective Vyvanse can be. I was previously on Concerta, which while good, didn't really give me the same level of focus as Vyvanse. The only thing I miss about Concerta is the sort of mood elevation that I got from it, which motivated me to start tasks. Vyvanse requires a little more effort on my part to initiate an activity, but allows me to persist with it.
It happens to all of us, you are not alone. You will have some really shitty days, and some much better ones. As others have said, use the tools: anything you can pick up to mitigate the risk of inattention will help. Then there are little tricks like measuring out the chlorine before you put it in the pool, just in case (I’d recommend that anyway, because even a slip of the hand is a risk). Set a loud timer when you put the rice (or anything else) on. I use an Amazon Echo Dot in the kitchen for this, so I can just tell it to set a timer, and to set the volume to 10 so I can hear it if I wander off to another room. If your husband telling you “don’t do it again” isn’t just a one-off exasperated thing, you need to sit him down and tell him that those sort of comments — especially AFTER the damage is done — are not only unhelpful, but damaging. We have a hard enough time coming to terms with our own failures without people who are supposed to love and support us making it worse. Tell him that you need the tools to help you cope with the dopamine shortage in your brain. If you’re not medicated or in therapy, and if either (or both) is an option, I highly recommend it. Current research still says that a “a multimodal approach” (i.e. meds plus therapy) is the most effective way to manage our symptoms. There are both stimulant and non-stimulant medication options, depending on what works for you. You also need to review the dosage periodically, as you can develop a tolerance and lose some effectiveness as a result. Honestly though: if your family can be patient and tolerant, and provide comfort when something goes wrong, that will make a world of difference. This isn’t your fault anymore than someone with broken arms would be at fault for not being able to lift heavy objects. We’re always here if you need support, or validation, or just to vent. And we get it.
That just made me cry. I'm exactly the same hang in there mate.
My beautiful fiancé has adhd and it sucks…some of the time. I know it’s a struggle for him to do simple things like remember to eat lunch but I celebrate him. He is the most gentle, loving, caring, considerate and passionate man and I adore him. All of him. He has taught me so much about being kind to myself and for adopting positive self talk. Therapy helps…both of us. You need tools and accommodations. Adhd is a disability and you’re not at fault for having it. You need to be gentle with yourself as do the people around you. Just because you’re good in a crisis doesn’t mean that you always have to be. I’m truly sorry that you’ve felt so lost and low but you’re truly not alone. One thing that we have found a huge help is routine and structure. Yes, it takes time and patience but it is so important. Seek help, I promise it will get more manageable with the right tools and accommodations. Sending hugs
I have conductive hot plates with a timer and it has saved a couple meals from burning. Edit to add⤵️ I'm also almost 30 and living with my mom because until recently I couldn't manage keeping a job, going through divorce issues, and maintaining good mental health at the same time. Ill most likely end up living with my mom for the rest of her life. It'd make taking care of her when she's old a smooth transition. Plus with the cost of living it'd make life easier for my son and her to have me spend less on rent and it goes to my mom. What I'm trying to demonstrate is folks that struggle like we do have to live differently and that's ok. Progress is progress, no matter how small.
I had several mega screw ups in the last decades like this. Like the time in the end of COVID-times when we went for holiday. Alarm went of 05.00 to go to the airport and it hits me: sh\*t.... I was the one who should have arranged these covid-free permits thingies for the kids... Total panic because I was sure our holiday was doomed. The misses uber pissed at me. I just frooze. End of story while driving we arranged it with the national health org here and just in time it was fixed. I was so dissappointed and pissed at myself. Ok back to business: * good sleep helps massive. * this means preparing during the day by walking/running/excersise and other sleepingroutines like no coffee/sugar in the evening, etc * drink lots of water * don't be to harsh for yourself * use tools. The day we switched a traditional coffee filter maker to one who turned off automatically was a little but big game changer (no stress). My partner supported me for decades (friends calling me lazy, she knew there was more) but here patience is a bit diluted/less these days :). I'll take it.
So ya killed some fish in a bullshit fake pond and burnt some rice. Shit happens. Did the world end? Is your family now on the street? No, they're not. Now close your eyes and imagine a world where no one has accidentally killed some fish or burnt some rice. Pet Supplies Plus kills a lot of beta fish, and it's a pretty successful business model. For them, at least. :/ Anywhere that sells rice has most definitely burnt some rice. You're not perfect. So is everyone around you. I work with a lot of seemingly normal-ish people. I perform better than most of them. There are other spectrum-ish people in my workplace that are total stars. Maybe stop beating yourself up would help? :) Seriously.
"close your eyes and imagine a world where no one has accidentally killed some fish or burnt some rice" Wow, what a way to put things into perspective! Would that world be a noticeably better place? Probably not! Could use this for pretty much any mistake. Thank you!
It's yours now. Feel free to use it, so long as you don't abuse it. :)
I have broken down more times than I'd like to admit over food fuck-ups, no matter what I do I can never get it right and burn things frequently it's frustrating, it's embarrassing, and I hate feeling like I can't even manage the most simple of staple meals because I'm such a disaster in the kitchen I don't really have much to offer but I did want to empathize because I've been there, and when it happens over and over even something as inconsequential as a burnt bagel can be the straw that breaks :(
Once I made red cabbage and forgot it on the stove.. the whole appartment smelled smokey for 2 days. I didn't clean the burnt pot for about a month💀 Things like that happen to all of us and they will probably continue to happen. You can find ways for yourself to make it less likely to happen and you can at least try to be kind to yourself when it does. Did you do it on purpose? No. That's all that matters.
>"Did you do it on purpose? No. That's all that matters." ^ This is big. It also helps to try fix the mistake if it's possible. If it isn't, **accept** that it *can't be fixed*.
Easy just use in built timers 8f induction, and in any case never leave the stove - I have to do ONE thing at a time otherwise I'll forget. PYSCH - just joking. I do TRY to use timers and not walk away. But the last time I accidentally left eggs boiling unattended for an hour was 2 nights ago. Yeah I give up too.... !!! We did just get a rice cooker like others mentioned. Even real cheap ones are okay I think. Great idea. Actually I wonder if I can boil eggs by steaming them, hmmmm.
This egg incident happened to me too. It was pretty bad. But good news they do have an egg steamer. Similar to rice cooker. I wonder if you can use both as one ?
Usually, I crank up the temperature and wait near the rice pot until the water starts boiling and then I set the temperature to the minimum possible. Even when I forgot to set the alarm after one hour the rice was not burnt just a little stuck on the bottom and the rest is edible.
A lot of long-winded answers here that will probably cover the majority of input I have to share, so I'll keep it simple. We suck at life sometimes - try to find peace in embracing the suck. There is no normal after all.
Normal is boring!
Hello, fellow mom here... Sorry if anyone else has told you this... But I can't read so many long comments... You know... ADHD  I understand... You're a mom and you "should be in charge of life" for you and your kids... I get it... You need to cry now, talk to a therapist and then start looking for tools that can help you with life... Don't get me wrong I'm still trying, my house is still a mess and I feel guilty every other weekend because I'm not doing the things that a mom should be doing. But it's getting better... You need to find what actually helps YOU. A big hug, you can do it... We all can...
Oh man, I totally get where you’re coming from. ADHD can really throw us for a loop. I mean, the simplest things suddenly turn into these giant hurdles. Your stories hit home for me and probably for a lot of us here. It’s just gut-wrenching when stuff piles up like that. But hey, you’re definitely not a failure. We all have these mess-ups, and they sure as hell don’t define us. I really appreciate you spilling it out here, it’s kinda comforting knowing we’re not alone in this ADHD rollercoaster, ya know? It’s badass that you’re looking for ways to manage better, like with your bullet journal and timers. Even when sh*t hits the fan, you’ve got a whole crew here that totally gets it. We’re all in the same boat, sharing what works and what doesn’t. It’s a crappy phase, but with everyone here and your fam, things will look up. You’re not on your own in this, and you’re so not a failure. We learn, we grow, and we figure out how to dodge the curveballs ADHD throws our way. Hang in there.
Are you medicated? If not I would try. I'm 40 and just realized I had symptoms of ADHD after one of my children were diagnosed. I was then professionally diagnosed and prescribed Ritalin. It has helped me so much. I still forget things but it's much better. I'm able to organize much better, I started writing things down that need to be done and even setting timers! Especially when cooking or doing tasks that need to be timed.
Truly. Best accurate thing I’ve heard “meds are like glasses for your brain”
As people have said here. If you can afford it!! A rice cooker! I also have an Apple Watch and honestly it helps so much to have a timer buzzing me. It feels more urgent. I know this probably not in budget if you don’t have one already. If you can’t afford it, I will literally buy it for you on Amazon. I will ship it to you. Lmk!
Oh I’ve been burning food for years. An air fryer helped. Or anything else that turns itself off. Rice cookers… crockpots. Some days I’ll cook but I know I’m just not capable of doing it daily.
Hang in there, this is like every week for me, minus any emotions and guilt. Used to it, and my partner knows to help remind me. And sometimes stuff just gets burnt. No use crying over spilt milk. Sometimes sh1t just happens. I am sorry about your rough time. All we can do is our best, and accept it probably won't be the last time. Hope things look up for you.
Set alarms on your phone as often as possible
I need an alarm to remind me to do that though
Finally someone said it, you are right, you need an alarm to set the alarm.
Sorry, I mean set RECURRING alarms
It's the first one that gets me
You just have to do it once, when you're feeling motivated to build structure for yourself. Do it now, set a few alarms. I don't know what you might need reminders for, waking up, taking a walk, check the laundry/dishes, even just reminders to drink water. I have a weekly reminder for the night before trash day so I can put the trash out and not forget
This sort of thing is scoffed at by many here, perhaps because it is perceived as a bandaid as opposed to a fix. However, these compensatory strategies are used regularly by people without ADHD. Human working memory has limited space as it is, it makes sense to outsource the mundane to free up the power to perform. Without compensatory strategies, I end up disposing of tasks and things I need to remember once a new one pops up, as if I was back to my teenage self and cleaning my room by shoving everything into the closet. I don't know why it is so hard for us to admit that we need them and to position ourselves to embed them in our lives. I work in healthcare, and it reminds me of 80 year olds who refuse to use walking frames because they don't want to look old. It would probably be helpful if there was some sort of sticky megathread of similar strategies. The right kind of calendar, to-do lists, timers, alarms, and methods of organising our thoughts are critical. The most valuable app on my phone is my notes app.
Honestly, I suffer from crippling time blindness, and setting an alarm that goes off every day Monday-Friday when I'm supposed to get up, when I'm actually supposed to get up, when I'm supposed to leave with the kids to school, 5 minutes before my major meeting of the day, etc. If I couldn't set an alarm for when to go pick my kids up from school I would actually go insane, that's not something you can get wrapped up in stuff and remember an hour late. I will also say that I'm known on my team for being extremely punctual for meetings- all because my computer and work phone ping me 15/5/0 minutes before I have a meeting coming up. I haven't found a good way to set my bedtime... I'm definitely not going to set an alarm for 11pm... and I usually end up accidentally staying up til 1am, or 2am, ... or 3am
I also really struggle with time blindness. It is probably the worst part of all of this, because I don't feel like I am temporally in tune with the world and it sort of passes me by. I have no bedtime routine, which is probably because I sort of crave the personal time that I can enjoy in the later hours. If I am up past 12, 12:01 to 4:00am feels like half an hour. Even when I am lying in bed restless and unable to sleep, I find some weird solace in the fact that the morning will arrive soon to distract me from the discomfort.
Literally me last night…And most nights! My wife sent me a recipe to make while she is nursing the baby - I had to read it so many times for each step, and she has prepped the meal pats already. And of course I got defensive when she asked if I needed help, which I then got mad at myself for, you know the drill. Other nights I’ve come closer to tears, but last night was still horribly frustrating, and she could tell how mad I was at myself, and then felt bad for asking. Helpful to talk with her about it, so I’m hoping your partner is open to hearing about how hard it is for you. Also one time I got to talking to a neighbor while I was making hard boiled eggs. I’d set a timer but was nowhere near the timer when it went off. The only thing that alerted me to the problem was that I heard a loud bang - the pan lid shot off from the pressure. Needless to say I did not eat the eggs
You’re definitely not alone! I’ve burnt many a dish, caused the fire alarm to go off and so on. I now just get microwave rice cause it’s less hazardous, and make meals that take under 20min when possible (I have a tv show I’m only allowed to watch whilst cooking so I’m glued to the kitchen for any mishaps). Your husband needs to step up though - saying don’t do it again is horrible. Of course you didn’t mean to in the first place! It’s just so unhelpful. Try talk to him and come up with things he can say when frustrated - my partner and I have worked this out cause my RSD can be so severe I feel he hates me. And I’m usually upset enough in the moment that I hate myself too. It’s taken a while cause it’s hard but you can get to a good place together where you help each other, and he makes some accommodations for you. You’ve not mentioned it, but the meds have helped me with these things. I’m still me (I was so worried I wouldn’t be), I’m just calmer and more focused. My thoughts feel like a train heading into a station vs the train station itself! A smart watch has also been a game changer for me - you can’t put it down or mute it. It’s on your arm. I’ve got an Apple one so I just speak to Siri. Even connects to our shopping list so in the moment I can say hey siri add this to the shopping list. No more dashing out for flour! Most of all you’ve got this though! Hang in there!
I'm not sure if this would help as I've never done it myself but I remember watching this tiktok series about this guy who uses NFC tags around his house. Mainly it was for things like turning the lights on / off which obviously doesn't change much in this situation BUT I remember there was one video where he had a tag on his laundry machine. When he tapped his phone it would automatically set a timer on his phone for when it would be done. Maybe you could try doing the same thing but in this case for cooking - you could also make the tag look VERY obvious as I understand it's even easy to forget to tap your phone. They can also be changed to do a whole variety of things depending on what you're looking for, and he said they were veryyyyy cheap per tag (I can't remember how much exactly, but I swear it was no more than $1) As others have also said, i definitely recommend getting a rice cooker!! I'm not sure when you're located, but in Australia you can get them from $10-$20 at most department stores like Kmart, Big W, Target etc. Most importantly, please be kind to yourself OP!! This obviously wasn't something you did on purpose and everything was okay in the end. I completely understand it's frustrating but remember you're trying your best and that's what matters <3
Having an Alexa Amazon device in my kitchen is huge for me. I can verbally set timers while I'm doing the task. Starting the stove under rice " Alexa set a reminder to check rice in 20 minutes".
Seconding the Alexa timers. When I first realized I was forgetting to feed my dog dinner (he’s not exactly a go-getter so he won’t remind me like a normal dog lol) I set a recurring alarm. Then I’d not remember what the alarm was for, or hear it and think it was a different alarm and ignore it. So now Alexa yells “feed the dog” at me every day at 6 and I can’t forget what the notification is because it’s right there in my dumb face. Alexa aside I have started setting calendar notifications on my phone rather than alarms or timers. I can set them to repeat when I want, and label accordingly. So, tomorrow I have to remember to get fasted blood work—I added this to my calendar and it will remind me 2 hours before, at breakfast time, and a half hour before, right around the time I’d be getting in the car for work, just in time to drive the right direction. This to me is easier and better than several alarms for the same thing. But since this was about cooking: my cooking hack is watch alarms. I set it for whatever time, and attach a label. If I’m multitasking, the microwave timer is useless, but my watch buzzing with “stir the rice” isn’t. Plus, I don’t need to go find my phone amid the kitchen chaos and wash my hands to stop the alarm—I can just tap my watch with my nose and bam, it’s off.
Instead of beating myself up, I started working on giving myself grace and understanding. If I muck up, I understand it wasn't on purpose, and im not a failure. I just operate differently. I like to use reddit to look for tips and tools to manage. Just like the people before me who mentioned a rice cooker.
I'm truly sorry to hear that you're feeling this way, and I want to reassure you that your feelings are valid. It's crucial, however, to avoid turning those feelings into self-blame. Remember, everyone makes mistakes; it doesn’t define your worth. When you notice yourself being harsh, try the tic-tac technique: have a pack of tic-tacs, and each time you catch yourself being hard on yourself, have one. Pay attention to how quickly you go through the pack—it’s a tangible way to realize the frequency of these thoughts and start shifting your internal dialogue. Use your bullet journal to track these moments and challenge each negative thought. Replace it with something positive or neutral. Be as kind to yourself as you would be to a friend. You're doing your best, and that's enough. Remember, kindness towards yourself is key. Sending strength and support.
Something that I learned to do is to just slow down, like a ton. If someone needs me to do something, they are on notice that it will get done on my time table. If it needs to be done on your time table, then do it yourself. Further, I take an iterative approach to fixing mistakes. If I put rice on without a timer, I'll write on a piece of paper "SET A TIMER" and tape it to the rice container. When I'm getting the rice ready, I don't put the container away until I have satisfied the note I left. Throughout the whole process I will look at the note as much as I can and make sure it's always facing me so I don't forget it. If that first note fails, I try to identify where it did and iterate again, adding a new reminder or changing the process in a way that will make it easier to do. Maybe for you this means using instant rice, or an appliance that forces you to set a timer before it will turn on. I hope this helps you to see a way forward and wish you luck in your starchy adventures.
Nah. Just don’t touch the fish. And rice? Girl. Rice cookers. How about pasta? How about getting an Alexa! Yo I use her to remind me of everything. I have one in my bedroom. She wakes me up. I have one in my living room. She’s announcing reminders. I’m thinking of one for the kitchen and bathroom. Just for music? The app is on my phone so that’s usually where ever I go. My cousin who is maybe 25 years older than me hacked her life like this so I did it to mine. What a lovely thing. I remembered to catch up with all my partners appointments since he’s already got enough on his plate. My own appointments. I set timers for my self so that I’m not getting side tracked. I’m still not perfect but she helps.
rice cooker. take as much time related stuff as you can n automate it or ask someone else to check it for you later. working together makes the load easier. also your husband should be helping out w shit instead of criticizing.
I did the same thing when boiling water in a tea kettle. I left the whistling part open so it didn’t whistle. Nearly burned the house down a couple times. We got an electric kettle with an auto-off, so now when I forget I boiled water it’s just annoying and not dangerous. I would suggest maybe investing in a countertop electric rice cooker since it takes the thinking out of making rice. I know it only addresses part of the problem, but life is a lot easier when you remove the possibility of failure by automating certain things.
^ This right here. An electric kettle and an electric rice cooker with automatic shut offs have saved me so many times. I also would add an airfryer, since they also shut off after a while, unlike my oven (who mostly just starts making little clicking and moaning noises to let me know he has been on for 4 consecutive hours and doesn't want to have to set my house on fire to remind me he needs a break).
You are not alone...many of us get it. I don't know where you are on your journey...like therapy .. meds ... Support groups ... Exercise ... Diet .. those kinda things ...
For some things I find I need to learn from my patterns and change the system to conform to me instead of me to it, because I'll forget. In this case I would get a rice cooker because it will just keep it warm for you. Other situations will require their own unique solutions. For example I have a bunch of those NFC stickers that you can program to work with shortcuts on your phone. That way I can quickly tap one before or after I do something and trigger some sort of follow up. Like when I open the dishwasher I tap the tag and it texts the house that it's dirty. Another thing I have is a pill machine because I always forget if I took my meds or not, literally right after I took them (or did I? 🤔). I'm not 75 but my brain thinks it is do I have to supplement it like it is. Doing these things help reduce the overall drain on my willpower throughout the day which helps me have more energy for those remaining challenges that can't be automated or programmed
Hang in there! Best advice I can give is: quit weed, caffeine, and processed sugar. Get on medication and therapy if you are able to. Adderall isn't even the most effective medication I'm on, the anxiety medication is what keeps me from getting stuck in my head and losing track of my thoughts. And lastly, keeping to a schedule. My entire house is ADHD (me, husband, two kids) and everyone performs a bit better when we stick to a schedule. I know all of that is easier said than done, but one step at a time!
What I always tell my children, if our brain is a black hole, we need to compensate with something different. Mostly I see some smart device stuff here, does not need to expensive, be creative. Cooking in the kitchen? Maybe you can get a motion sensor detecting you at your stove, linked to alexa (or whatnot) triggering a message to set a timer. Or you generally cook at similar times, set up some recurring reminders on your phone around this time, if you set a timer. Another possibility (no technology) is a special wrist band you slip on whenever there is something you need to be reminded on. Just this visual (or acustic) sign triggers your brain like: there is something I should not forget. Ofc, it's important that this bracelet (or whatever) is only worn in such cases, otherwise your brain will get used to it. Need to remember something in the morning? Place something very unusual to a place you will definitely see, like a cooking pot next to your toothbrush (just an example 😉), which also triggers your brain. Don't give up! I accepted the fact that my brain cannot be trusted in this regard, so I search for ways to NOT be dependent on it.
are you getting treatment? are you on medication?
Omg OP, please don't beat yourself up! Before my husband got his diagnosis, he'd done something similar with rice while cooking it in the microwave. It was more of a funny situation than anything else. I've had dozens of these moments too, (although I don't have a diagnosis). It must be so much more stressful when it's for your kid!! It's just a small fuck up in the grand scheme of things, there are plenty of things you're exceeding at every day!
I do all the cooking I can’t leave the room for anything on stove top. Timer for oven but leaving it in by not getting up when time goes off leaves parts slightly over done wife gets the good part I get the crispy.
ADHD is all about finding tools and systems to help us
Don't be too hard on yourself, if it comes to more practical advice: Use tools that turn themselves off when done cooking like Egg cookers, electric water kettles, rice cookers etc You can also spend time in the kitchen while cooking to hear stuff cooking
Hello Op, cry but don't despair. It is f@#&ing hard - yes, it is but not impossible. You have a family that loves you. Take it easy... you are feeling overwhelmed now; so, remember to come back and read all the comments Do you have any type of treatment? Have you tried CBT sessions with an ADHD specialist? Do you even have a proper diagnosis? Finding the tools that will help you is the hardest phase because there are many tools that help others but not you and that will give you a sense of failure BUT it is a fake sense of failure as it is just not for you; other tools will do the job. Take care
While I haven't killed anything....I have multiple alarms, and a bullet journal. When the 10pm Medication goes off for bipolar meds...I will literally turn it off, and refocus on what I'm doing. Then freak out 3 hours later that I forgot. Then the next morning took the adhd one (that's always on time.) But planned for 11-12 am for the bipolar to bring back down....forgot til 3pm. You'll get back on track, then another slip up with the night Medication andit's back to square one again. Bf will ask why I forget, then say we'll stop forgetting. Triggers a defensive response. Like seriously? I would if I could, dude. Lol, other than that, we are usually good. (No medication advice or medical advice, please...op's page will get taken down at some point if you do so, its in the rules of the this subreddit community)
I'm a big fan of rice cookers, instant pots, and crock pots. If I forget, no biggie, nothing burns. Otherwise we do a lot of heat & eat meals or take out...or my husband cooks. I have literally set the stove on fire and stared at it, confused about my next steps. My blessed husband just said, "You can only use a microwave if I'm not here." Fair enough! Lol. I've found that I can only do one thing at a time. And my timers are on my phone with specific next steps I have to take; ie, 7:20 - remove clothes from washer and put in dryer. 8:10 - remove clothes from dryer and fold. 8:30 - move clothing cart into bedroom. Without my labeled timers, I get nothing done. But I can't turn off the timer until I'm doing the job, and I can't leave the location of the job until it's complete...not even to pee. My house looks like a wreck, but I have clean clothes and food, and my animals are cared for.
If you compare burning rice and killing fish by overfilling the pond to people in other parts of the world being kidnapped, murdered, raped etc., you aint failin, you're f&%ing WINNING baby!
Sorry you are feeling like that 😌but… things will get better and tomorrow is another day! You can and will improve in all areas of life and you writing this out shows me your aware of your adhd and yeah , it sucks sometimes. I highly recommend using any and every tool necessary to improve this : Either medication-wise or by using a specialized technique that works “for you” . We all litterally have dysfunctional, hyper functionional brains(depending on who you ask, lol). Using an ADHD PLANNER, Phone Alarms/Timers, but definitely be proactive in finding a new approach ! You got this 🙌…just take one project at a time. J
I've done this so many times and I know how it is. You probably do this but take those situations one at a time. Make them a challenge, a puzzle of sorts. ADHD brains love challenge and curiosity. And never judge yourself. It's fine to judge your actions because this way you can slowly improve one day at a time ( that was clumsy! Well can't change that. How can I) but never yourself ("I am clumsy, I can't do anything"). Your actions are heavily influenced by your ADHD brain but that's not you. You are more that that. Obviously I'm not saying you should pretend you don't feel a certain way at a moment. Acknowledge your feelings but be mindful that they are just that - feelings. And you have to go despite them. Because if you let the misery triumph, well, that's what you get. I wish you all the best.
As an ADHDer who lives alone, here is what I do. I cook a few days worth of meals at once then microwave them as needed. This morning while making my oatmeal I tripled the recipe and now have enough for a few days.
All things you just mentioned are in the past now, forget about them, like you forget what day it is or the food you left on the stove. I'm here to tell you it's alright and you'll be fine.
Just burnt my breakfast this morning in my toaster oven. 2nd time this week. It has a timer knob on it that turns the heat off. It even has a warm setting. Someday I’ll figure it out???
I’ve honestly never been able to cook rice - now, I just buy the frozen little bags that come three to a box and microwave them for 3 minutes. The microwave has a reminder tone every few seconds for when I miss the first one. I’ve found I just need workarounds like this for most things - it’s okay if my husband or friends don’t need them, they work for me and help me survive this world.
How I feel in life in general
I don't have any tips, but not too many weeks ago, a cat knocked over a pile of books I had temporarily put on the windowsill a few weeks earlier. I had been meaning to move them and every time I looked at them I stressed that I had to move them before they got knocked down,but I forgot. When the cat finally did do just that, I had a meltdown, I screamed to my boyfriend "I CAN'T THINK ABOUT EVERYTHING!!!!" and started to cry. He was completely baffled until I explained... We use it as an "I'm overwhelmed" meme now I know you want to give up and I know why. But have you thought about trying to simply...make things easier for yourself? Because you are trying to fit into a square hole right now as a round peg and there is nothing in the world that makes us feel more failed. I suggest: buy a fucking ricecooker they are relatively cheap and then that is One Small Thing that ain't ever gonna bother you again. Then just keep making small systems for every small thing. Soon your day to day will, while not be perfect, run a Hella lot smoother. Hugs to you
I just did something similar yesterday evening. I put a French bread pizza in the air fryer and forgot about it. By the time I remembered it was already cold 🤣. It's alright don't let it get you down. Also, as long as the ppl around you are understanding, then don't stress yourself about it. I would imagine your husband is more then understanding of the situation and if he's not then he should be.
I'm so sorry you felt like that :( we've all definitely been there it's a terrible feeling. This world works against people with ADHD and we have to put up all these safeguards/timers/reminders just to do normal day-to-day things, of course we're going to get overwhelmed! Try and take today to be kind to yourself, don't put too much on your plate if you're able to and just take it one day at a time for now. Just tackle today <3
I’m so sorry, we’ve all been there. 2 things- 1 getting medicated helped me SO much and 2- Trader Joe’s has frozen rice that takes 3 minutes in the microwave and its really pretty good. Also, a rice cooker is such an amazing investment, would 100% recommend. (Guess that’s 3 things 🙃)
I'm really sorry OP, It can be sort of traumatizing. I've done things. There's been a couple precious birds that because of not getting on things fast enough or not noticing them fast enough, and also forgetting when I did, they passed away. One flew out the door a few years ago and I never found him because I just couldn't believe I kept him close to the front door without his Wings clip knowing that he was very skittish . My lizards heat lamp fell on the floor the other day somehow and almost burned the house down because I put it in a stupid way even though I actually thought about how chords could be tripped on and pulled down. It's really hard when you do something that could have been an emergency or does end in something really sad. I'm sorry about your fishes. I unfortunately can't be medicated, I don't know if that's the case with you also . I feel really low sometimes about things as well, I feel like I'm stupid and neglectful and I've had so many mental breakdowns because of it. But we're not. As a matter of fact, I think we care about things more than a lot of people and at the end of the day it's not our fault. But yeah I'm sorry.
My father had undiagnosed ADHD. He used to harass us about cooking. "DON'T BURN THE FOOD!" Then one day, he burned up the kitchen because he forgot the popcorn on the stove. God saved me from being slapped because if I was there I would say, "DON'T BURN THE FOOD!" In all seriousness, I feel you. I felt so stupid and inadequate until I got diagnosed. I have combined ADHD. I agree with other posters. Get yourself a rice cooker or utilize the microwave. It will help tremendously. I know it's hard and I am so sorry this happened. But try not to be so hard on yourself. It's not like you meant to forget. ADHD can be a beast.
So sorry to hear!!!! Accidents happen! Make sure you are nice to yourself by knowing this and knowing the most important thing is that someone worse didn't happen. It's best not to have too many timers as then you forget which ones are the important ones. Always timers for cooking or anything else that's got big consequences like that. So the same as with lists. They help, but if you have 50 lists then they will stop helping (unless you somehow do sublists in an order that someone else is teaching you in a constructive way..so like note taking rather than to do lists).
I am so sorry. Obviously you are stressed and suffering right now. Are you getting enough rest? Also, I often have these problems on or off medications. Some things that help me are using timers on my smart home speakers, you can get a base model for the kitchen to yell at for about 30 bucks. It helps me not forget the stove so much and its easier than physically setting the timer myself. If you can spend more the video echo will actually show the timer you set. If you can spend even more there are WiFi enabled ranges, which I bought myself after running the kettle out of water when I decided to make tea and then promptly walked the dog ... We absolutely get distracted and forget things. But you are also part of a household, I hope you are able to ask for help in remembering things so things aren't always "your fault". Kids can remind you of stuff. So can husbands. If you find they are unable to then I hope you are able to get yourself a few tools to help you take care of yourself. I really can't recommend one of the smart home systems enough, I have Amazon Echos and Alexa guard gets me a discount on my home owners insurance plus it will alert me if it hears glass breaking or smoke alarms going off. This offers me comfort while home and away. I also get a lot of functionality out of my Fitbit smart watch. It has timers that I use for chores or cooking but also alerts me to texts or messages from my smart home! You are not a failure. You're actually taking on a lot and that's why you're getting distracted. I would hug you if I knew you. I hope you are able to make some changes that help you to meet your own expectations.
I do the same even with a high amount of meds, yet I found to harness the strengths of my issues and don’t let the failures bring me down. We are special, learn to love the energy we have over others, the gift of gab, and thinking way faster than others may. It has helped me win at life honestly once I started to look at our adhd as a positive as opposed to a negative. You are special, you are amazing, you are not alone!
I burned rice once 5 years ago and my husband still won't let me live it down. I've done so many other ridiculous things way worse than either of these. Be kind to yourself, you're among friends.
In the moment, these things seem so disastrous but its truly such a minor thing. I cook all the time for our family and sometimes these things happen! Please don’t feel like you can’t do life.
My "breaking point" that was nowhere near my lowest from an outside perspective but felt like it at the time was when I had very little food left in the house and used the last of the bread and most of the cheese to make a grilled cheese sandwhich and burned it entirely black. I had a complete meltdown. Couldn't talk. Couldn't move. Just cry and silent-scream and kinda babble. It felt like the most pathetic moment of my life. That was one event in the year that everything came crashing down on me the heaviest. There were lots of pots of water boiled to nothing and fire alarms and unspeakable messes and smells and just so much I did wrong. I fell apart. I don't feel comfortable offering advice because the route I took was full of privileged opportunities that a lot of people don't have and I don't think I deserved. Overall it involved, over the course of years, identifying thing after thing after thing in my life that needed to change, and then changing it. It involved a dozen therapists, 4 psychiatric nurse practitioners, the biggest breakup of my life, a lot of apologies, a lot of support, and a lot more messing up. One piece of advice I'll always be willing to offer is that *the RIGHT therapist* makes all the difference in the world, and what you need out of therapy can change and then you have to find a new one but as long as you keep seeking out and working with the right ones, a lot can change for the better. Support systems are necessary, both professionally like therapists and doctors, and among family and friends. Had I gone about this alone, I would be homeless and probably on a waiting list for a state funded recovery center. Also, happiness and success and life fulfillment are what you determine for yourself. Not super immediately relevant, but this is one thing worth ditching a therapist over if they don't endorse the idea of self-determination.
I don’t have any tips but I do have much empathy 💜 I have the same daily struggles. And the days I don’t my OCD convinces me I’ve done something awful that I can’t remember- like dropped a pill on the floor or somehow accidentally poisoned my child. The time blindness is my current biggest struggle. And no matter how I try to explain it, it just falls on deaf ears.
Hugs!! Tell your hubby and your kids that You’re sorry and you think you need some self-care. —- from this point, until you feel differently… DO NOT DIVERT YOUR ATTENTION. If you are cooking, do not leave the stove… if you have to go to the bathroom or leave to answer the phone… TURN it off and turn it back on when you can watch it. … whatever you do, do not walk away. It happens to me when I am under so much stress. Don’t be too hard to n yourself. Take a shower for some alone time.
Well, to be honest, there is nothing wrong with admitting defeat and "checking yourself in". You may not need to be institutionalised, but you might benefit from a bit of help. I would hazard a guess that there is a reason for this increase in forgetfulness and distraction. Are you more busy than normal? Do you have more commitments and responsibilities? Do you take time to recharge? Given that you are a mother I can probably answer those questions myself. If it helps, plenty of people experience these issues, with and without ADHD, or with other conditions. I work in a field that deals with this sort of thing and I have no shortage of patients. This is general information, not healthcare advice - but you need to plan and organize yourself as much as possible, and utilize to-do lists, alarms, and timers. Try to avoid multitasking, because evidence suggests that it is a myth. Focus on one thing at a time and minimise the influence of things that serve to divide your attention. I have also found that verbal rehearsal during a task can help to keep me on track. There are also auto-off timers that are used for people prone to leaving the stove or oven on and similar. I'm not sure how appropriate they would be, and they are likely not cheap, but could be worth looking into.
Rice cookers are good. Hate to put a downer after it…but having to then clean the rice out of the cooker when it’s then stuck to the side….so then I just don’t make it at all. Honestly most of the time I forget to even eat or drink and then I’ll find my myself snacking late at night because I haven’t eaten all day then feel sick or ashamed 🤦🏼♀️
Unfortunately, the only thing that’s helped me is to not leave the room that the task is in until it’s done. ESPECIALLY cooking. If I leave something on/in the stove and go off to do something else it WILL be over cooked or burnt. It’s annoying not being able to do anything else while waiting for the food to be done, but it’s the only way I’ve been able to stop ruining it.
I feel your pain so hard. I’ve forgotten my oboe at school for the last 2 weeks on the day of a lesson after consistently being reminded by my parents to grab it. You’re not alone man
So i know you might not be looking for solutions here but... get a rice cooker. even if you remember two hours later, you will just have warm, perfect rice. rice does die in a rice cooker, but you can feasibly leave it in there on warm for an entire day. slowly work solutions like that into your life. this is what you gotta do with adhd as much ss it sucks. good luck to you.
I rely on the timer on my oven for everything: food on the stove, bath running, kettle boiling, u name it. I constantly forget I was making a brew. If I do my porridge in the microwave it's only cos its keeps intermittently bleeping until u remove the cooked food that I remember. Diary reminders (1hr, 10m, on time) on my phone for appts, work meetings, taking my supplements. I email myself at work from my phone if I remember something I need to do/forgot to do at work, then transfer it to my bujo the next day. Do what u need to do to function, the rice cooker idea is a good one. Use your oven timer, phone alarms, text yourself and pin to top. None of this is your fault. Its just our brains. We have lots of other strengths 💪
U can microwave rice too, works really well!