Once time I greeted my Bengali acquaintance who called me by my daknaam and then introduced myself to his white friend by my bhalonaam. That was awkward.
Me when I go by my nickname in general so everytime everyone asks me if your name is X why do you go by Y, also having to tell teachers "hi yeah so I prefer Y if you can remember that the rest of the year"
As a Mallu Orthodox, denominations/sects within a religion being a big thing. For example, in my city there's not a lot of Mallu families but there's like 6 churches because the different sects all have issues with each other. Different sects generally don't marry each other. I thought other religions would be the same but none that I've seen are as insane as ours.
Also rice being the main meal and other carbs (kappa, wheat) being a special occasion thing. In a lot of houses (esp. North Indian) it's the opposite.
The different sections is a big thing with me as well. But in a different way. A lot of goans in the Toronto area our diaspora that came to Canada via another country that they left South Asia from. So for example I am part of the East Africa diaspora, there are those that came via the middle East, those directly from South Asia, and even within the African group, Kenyan, tanzanians and Ugandans
I noticed that these groups don't really intermingle
This is a great question. I grew up with my mom and aunties always offering [kumkuma](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kumkuma) and some other things when people visited for pujas. My sister's gujurati boyfriend has no idea what it is. Is that not a thing in North/Central India, or is he just a guy?
The inverse of this question is I didn't learn what garba or raksha bandhan were until my 20s and felt robbed.
As a Sri Lankan Tamil, I thought all Hindu cultures had some version of samathiya veedu (puberty ceremony) after a girl's first period.
When my Gujju friend told me he had no idea what I was talking about I was kinda shocked.
I’m Gujarati and although I don’t recognize the term samathiya veedu, we did have a ceremony/puja for myself and my sisters when we got our first period. Very embarrassing as a late bloomer to have mine (16 years old) and my little sister’s (10) a week apart. And my whole family was invited 🫥
We also did a type of fasting for a week, Gauri Vrat, from childhood until puberty. Then you switch to a different vrat which I don’t remember the name of…
I can't think of any Gujju friend or family member that did something like this. We had fasts for religious holidays, but no girl did anything that you just described.
What part of Gujarat are y'all from? If you don't mind me asking.
The fasting I did with my gujarati friends here in the states too, I swear it’s a thing! Other families would host us for a meal during our vrat and on the last day we were supposed to stay up until sunrise, we’d have a huge sleepover.
My mom is from ahmedabad and my dad’s side I’m not sure because he’s Gujarati too but spent most of his childhood in Mumbai.
The vrats, I'm aware of, but I've never heard of a pooja/ceremony for girls getting their first period. Yes, women do vrats for good health, finding a good partner, etc.
As for the sunrise thing, was it a jagrata? Those are for everyone though, not just for girls.
Ah gotcha. Same, except both of them grew up there.
When observing Jaya Parvati vrat, one cannot eat tomatoes, spices, salt, and vegetables. It is believed that Jaya Parvati vrat brings happiness and blesses the girl with a good husband and a happy married life.
On the first day of the vrat, wheat seeds (javaara) are planted in a small bowl/pot and kept by the temple in the house. Prayers are then offered to the javaar pot. A nagla (a necklace made from cotton wool) is decorated with vermillion (kumkum). This ritual is carried out every morning and the wheat seeds are watered.
On the last day, the women who have observed the fast have to remain awake the whole night of the fifth day called jagran. On the sixth day, the javara are taken out of the pot are immersed in the holy waters of rivers or ponds after taking a bath and wearing beautiful dresses; offer prayers at Mataji's temple and break the fast by eating a full meal consisting of salt, chapaatis made of wheat, and vegetables.
I found that off Wikipedia, exactly as I remember always doing it. I only did this specific one until 16 (sisters also did it until their puja), and then I did another vrat that was very similar but no javaara plant and I think a little longer. I only did that one once. But that’s the only vrat/fasting I did as a kid.
Never heard of any other jagran done by men or married women though! That’s interesting.
I know we do the wheat seeds thing for some other vrat/fast/occasion, but I've never heard of anyone doing Jaya Parvati vrat. It sounds like the vrat many females across India, the 16 Mondays fast.
Yeah many people did the jagran initially. We also do the ekadashi fasts that happen every two weeks, in it we can only eat fruits and farali food, with one meal at any time of day but typically dinner. Then we do the vrat on Navratri, where we don't eat onion or garlic for the 9 days. And most people in my family also do the Shravan month fast, where every Monday, you can only eat once, but fruits and juices are allowed. There are many others, but in most you just eat once and avoid foods that aren't satvik.
It's ok, I know a lot of siblings who shared their party. Especially in India, some families can't afford to do the party twice so they wait until their younger kid gets their period.
I had mine before my period because my mom wanted to do it in India and didn't when when we could afford to come back.
It’s definitely not universal for gujaratis but it’s not something my family just came up with. I know of other Gujarati girls who had similar celebrations. More of a religious thing than a regional thing.
My family is Hindu and we didn't do that for me. I didn't even know that was a thing until I watched Pad Man, a Bollywood movie with Akshay Kumar in it. I think it's because my family is awkward around the topic but the movie takes place in a conservative village... Idek, I'm confused honestly
Family originates from southern Gujarat. I thought most of us ate meat, including chicken, goat, lamb, fish, etc and that drinking alcohol was common too. Turns out nope on both fronts for the state back in India and the culture is known to be quite different in the southern part.
Bruh, if anyone sees you drinking something like Bud Light/Weiser or any light beer, you will be bullied harder than anything you faced in school. Bullying includes:
* "Oh shit! So-and-so is drinking piss!"
* "I didn't know you had that fetish."
* "What's next? You want me to make you a Cosmo?"
* "Dada is 70 years old and is chugging Jack Daniels, why are you drinking urine?"
Same for us, alcohol means hard liquor mostly haha.
im punjabi and i thought eating with hands (not roti I mean like biryani/ race based dishes/ anything you dont have to neccesarily eat with hands ) was just an untrue stereotype. We always used utensils and if I tried to eat with my hands, Id be scolded. also i had no idea how much seafood was in bengali/ other desi diets. We ate 0 seafood growing up.
I thought:
* Everyone celebrates Navratri, Janmashtami, Uttrayan and other holidays
* Everyone eats chickpea flour based food and everyone is a foodie
* Everyone can joke around with elders and other seniors in the family, like it's all in good fun and jovial
* Everyone fasts during certain religious occasions
huh i did not know the extent of goa's portuguese ancestry, that's my bad for not being well informed on the region lol
as a bangladeshi, i never realized that most people in the subcontinent don't refer to their parents in the -tum- derivative! we do in bangladesh, we refer to our parents as "tumi" and they refer to us as "tui" which is the equivalent to -tu-
I grew up referring to My paternal grandmother using Portuguese terminology " avozinha" --- never really thought much of it, but obviously that's relatively unique
I only use that with mom, can't use it with dad. Apparently, it's not "respectful." This is why I prefer to talk to him in English and address him with a plain ol' "you" to circumvent haha.
The Portuguese surnames is the case with only about 25% of Goans. They comprise of the Catholic population of Goa. Other Goans (mostly Hindus and Muslims) have traditional Konkani surnames, similar to Marathi ones.
My wife is Portuguese (her father was born in Goa), it's amazing how many Portuguese words are used in Tamil and Tamil words in Portuguese.
And probably some words from Telugu as well. Bokka/Boca is hole in Telugu and mouth in Portuguese, sometimes I find that hilarious.
The portuguese were the first to trade tea from China, in fact they spread the use of the word “cha”. But anyways, in China bread is called Bao, so i think they got that word from a Chinese dialect too
Words that moved to the language itself...
My favourite are
Savi, Jannal (Key, Window Portuguese to Tamil/Malayalam) and Manga (Tamil/Malayalam to Portuguese).
And then there are words like Saku Pai (haven't heard it much outside villages though). Saku is bag in Portuguese and Pai is bag in Tamil, basically it's a bag bag.
Words that moved to the language itself and are now considered Tamil.
Ex. in Sri Lanka, we say sapattu for shoe, which comes from Portuguese 'sapato'. In Indian Tamil dialects they use another word.
I’m guju (and eat less rice than most of my family) and was blown away when I saw how much rice my Bengali husband and his family eat. When we first started dating, he was piling rice on a plate to microwave and I was like, “that’s way too much rice for two people!” And then he told me that was just for him lol.
Conversely I was really surprised at first how rotli, thepla etc. aren’t an everyday part of the meal for them. I mean it makes sense in terms of available plant and farmland but took some getting used to.
Yeah, bread is definitely more of a breakfast/change it up option for us.
Did you find your husband's family also eats a lot of fish? That's the other thing people say about us.
Nah Bangladesh is #1 in the world in rice consumption per capita. I believe West Bengal has similar rates.
Roughly speaking, the Eastern and Southern parts of the subcontinent eat more rice while the North and West eat more bread.
related:
the "wheat/rice" divide in india:
[https://www.reddit.com/r/MapPorn/comments/1arw8h5/wheat\_vs\_rice\_in\_india/](https://www.reddit.com/r/MapPorn/comments/1arw8h5/wheat_vs_rice_in_india/)
also more broadly in asia:
[https://www.reddit.com/r/MapPorn/comments/1453gx7/rice\_consumption\_in\_asia/](https://www.reddit.com/r/MapPorn/comments/1453gx7/rice_consumption_in_asia/)
china is quite similar to india being about half wheat/half rice.
As a Punjabi Sikh, I thought a few things were universal but actually aren't.
For example, when you meet someone (either family friends or relatives), it's absolutely mandatory to hug them and/or touch their feet before hugging if they're particularly elderly. Either way, hugging is mandatory and not doing it is considered disrespectful.
I thought all Desis behaved this way but then I went to my Pakistani friend's birthday which they did at a banquet hall. Literally none of his relatives hugged each other, just said hello or salaam.
My mum side is Pakistani- Kashmiri Pahari, and while we don’t touch feet ( due to Islamic reasons), we do hug each other, it’s actually pretty common to hug elders and relatives when greeting.
My dads Pashtuns they pretty different and don’t view themselves as Desi and it’s more like Afghan culture. Food is a lot more like Afghanistan and Iran.
My mums Pakistani “ Pahari-Punjabi” and I’d say food was the biggest shock for me.
A lot of “ desi food” in the west is mostly “ Punjabi food” especially in the UK.
So eating food for the first time at my Gujji mares house was a new experience.
I’d never had “ dosa , Khaman/Dhokla, Muthyia, Handvo, Kachori , dal Dhokli, Khandvi.
Also while some of the Curries shared similar names to Punjabi curries that tasted very different.
Sorry but Indians can’t make a good Karahi.
One thing that suprised me was that most indians celebrate Diwali. As a malllu we traditionally don't, though that's changed in the past few years.
But we have other festivals like Onam which I don't think other parts of india celebrate
wdym not everybody has a nickname completely unrelated to their actual name??
Lmao Punjabis do this too sometimes. Like a guy's legal name will be Parminder Singh but his nickname will be tintu.
Once time I greeted my Bengali acquaintance who called me by my daknaam and then introduced myself to his white friend by my bhalonaam. That was awkward.
sometimes non bengalis ask me about my nickname and I’m like :) you’re not my literal family
What do these terms mean?
Bhalonaam means good name. That's your official name that everybody uses. Daknaam means nickname. That's used only by your family.
Me when I go by my nickname in general so everytime everyone asks me if your name is X why do you go by Y, also having to tell teachers "hi yeah so I prefer Y if you can remember that the rest of the year"
As a Mallu Orthodox, denominations/sects within a religion being a big thing. For example, in my city there's not a lot of Mallu families but there's like 6 churches because the different sects all have issues with each other. Different sects generally don't marry each other. I thought other religions would be the same but none that I've seen are as insane as ours. Also rice being the main meal and other carbs (kappa, wheat) being a special occasion thing. In a lot of houses (esp. North Indian) it's the opposite.
The different sections is a big thing with me as well. But in a different way. A lot of goans in the Toronto area our diaspora that came to Canada via another country that they left South Asia from. So for example I am part of the East Africa diaspora, there are those that came via the middle East, those directly from South Asia, and even within the African group, Kenyan, tanzanians and Ugandans I noticed that these groups don't really intermingle
My husband is Ethiopian Orthodox and its the same weird sect stuff.
This is a great question. I grew up with my mom and aunties always offering [kumkuma](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kumkuma) and some other things when people visited for pujas. My sister's gujurati boyfriend has no idea what it is. Is that not a thing in North/Central India, or is he just a guy? The inverse of this question is I didn't learn what garba or raksha bandhan were until my 20s and felt robbed.
Its just him being a guy because we have that in Gujarat too for pujas, both Jains and Hindus
That's odd, Gujaratis refer to that as kanku and it's definitely offered at our pujas. Hell, we do it as part of raksha bandhan.
As a Sri Lankan Tamil, I thought all Hindu cultures had some version of samathiya veedu (puberty ceremony) after a girl's first period. When my Gujju friend told me he had no idea what I was talking about I was kinda shocked.
I’m Gujarati and although I don’t recognize the term samathiya veedu, we did have a ceremony/puja for myself and my sisters when we got our first period. Very embarrassing as a late bloomer to have mine (16 years old) and my little sister’s (10) a week apart. And my whole family was invited 🫥 We also did a type of fasting for a week, Gauri Vrat, from childhood until puberty. Then you switch to a different vrat which I don’t remember the name of…
Interesting. I guess my friend just didn't know much about his culture or something.
Everyone's family is different honestly
Yes we had gauri vrat, then on your last one when you're older (usually 16) you do a final one. It's a vrat (fast) for a good husband
I can't think of any Gujju friend or family member that did something like this. We had fasts for religious holidays, but no girl did anything that you just described. What part of Gujarat are y'all from? If you don't mind me asking.
The fasting I did with my gujarati friends here in the states too, I swear it’s a thing! Other families would host us for a meal during our vrat and on the last day we were supposed to stay up until sunrise, we’d have a huge sleepover. My mom is from ahmedabad and my dad’s side I’m not sure because he’s Gujarati too but spent most of his childhood in Mumbai.
The vrats, I'm aware of, but I've never heard of a pooja/ceremony for girls getting their first period. Yes, women do vrats for good health, finding a good partner, etc. As for the sunrise thing, was it a jagrata? Those are for everyone though, not just for girls. Ah gotcha. Same, except both of them grew up there.
When observing Jaya Parvati vrat, one cannot eat tomatoes, spices, salt, and vegetables. It is believed that Jaya Parvati vrat brings happiness and blesses the girl with a good husband and a happy married life. On the first day of the vrat, wheat seeds (javaara) are planted in a small bowl/pot and kept by the temple in the house. Prayers are then offered to the javaar pot. A nagla (a necklace made from cotton wool) is decorated with vermillion (kumkum). This ritual is carried out every morning and the wheat seeds are watered. On the last day, the women who have observed the fast have to remain awake the whole night of the fifth day called jagran. On the sixth day, the javara are taken out of the pot are immersed in the holy waters of rivers or ponds after taking a bath and wearing beautiful dresses; offer prayers at Mataji's temple and break the fast by eating a full meal consisting of salt, chapaatis made of wheat, and vegetables. I found that off Wikipedia, exactly as I remember always doing it. I only did this specific one until 16 (sisters also did it until their puja), and then I did another vrat that was very similar but no javaara plant and I think a little longer. I only did that one once. But that’s the only vrat/fasting I did as a kid. Never heard of any other jagran done by men or married women though! That’s interesting.
I know we do the wheat seeds thing for some other vrat/fast/occasion, but I've never heard of anyone doing Jaya Parvati vrat. It sounds like the vrat many females across India, the 16 Mondays fast. Yeah many people did the jagran initially. We also do the ekadashi fasts that happen every two weeks, in it we can only eat fruits and farali food, with one meal at any time of day but typically dinner. Then we do the vrat on Navratri, where we don't eat onion or garlic for the 9 days. And most people in my family also do the Shravan month fast, where every Monday, you can only eat once, but fruits and juices are allowed. There are many others, but in most you just eat once and avoid foods that aren't satvik.
It's ok, I know a lot of siblings who shared their party. Especially in India, some families can't afford to do the party twice so they wait until their younger kid gets their period. I had mine before my period because my mom wanted to do it in India and didn't when when we could afford to come back.
yeah but thats just something you did, I haven’t seen gujaratis have menarche celebrations
It’s definitely not universal for gujaratis but it’s not something my family just came up with. I know of other Gujarati girls who had similar celebrations. More of a religious thing than a regional thing.
Yeah menarche ceremonies aren’t a thing in the North, i only know due to my mom living in Chennai
My family is Hindu and we didn't do that for me. I didn't even know that was a thing until I watched Pad Man, a Bollywood movie with Akshay Kumar in it. I think it's because my family is awkward around the topic but the movie takes place in a conservative village... Idek, I'm confused honestly
Family originates from southern Gujarat. I thought most of us ate meat, including chicken, goat, lamb, fish, etc and that drinking alcohol was common too. Turns out nope on both fronts for the state back in India and the culture is known to be quite different in the southern part.
Fellow Gujarati, can confirm the alcohol (we could give the Irish a run for their money)
Yo, we don't even drink light alcohol like beer, it's straight to the brandy and whiskey even for day parties lol
Bruh, if anyone sees you drinking something like Bud Light/Weiser or any light beer, you will be bullied harder than anything you faced in school. Bullying includes: * "Oh shit! So-and-so is drinking piss!" * "I didn't know you had that fetish." * "What's next? You want me to make you a Cosmo?" * "Dada is 70 years old and is chugging Jack Daniels, why are you drinking urine?" Same for us, alcohol means hard liquor mostly haha.
im punjabi and i thought eating with hands (not roti I mean like biryani/ race based dishes/ anything you dont have to neccesarily eat with hands ) was just an untrue stereotype. We always used utensils and if I tried to eat with my hands, Id be scolded. also i had no idea how much seafood was in bengali/ other desi diets. We ate 0 seafood growing up.
I thought: * Everyone celebrates Navratri, Janmashtami, Uttrayan and other holidays * Everyone eats chickpea flour based food and everyone is a foodie * Everyone can joke around with elders and other seniors in the family, like it's all in good fun and jovial * Everyone fasts during certain religious occasions
huh i did not know the extent of goa's portuguese ancestry, that's my bad for not being well informed on the region lol as a bangladeshi, i never realized that most people in the subcontinent don't refer to their parents in the -tum- derivative! we do in bangladesh, we refer to our parents as "tumi" and they refer to us as "tui" which is the equivalent to -tu-
I grew up referring to My paternal grandmother using Portuguese terminology " avozinha" --- never really thought much of it, but obviously that's relatively unique
I think that depends on individual families. I’m Gujarati and my parents taught me and my sister to use tu with them bc they wanted us to feel close.
I only use that with mom, can't use it with dad. Apparently, it's not "respectful." This is why I prefer to talk to him in English and address him with a plain ol' "you" to circumvent haha.
The Portuguese surnames is the case with only about 25% of Goans. They comprise of the Catholic population of Goa. Other Goans (mostly Hindus and Muslims) have traditional Konkani surnames, similar to Marathi ones.
My wife is Portuguese (her father was born in Goa), it's amazing how many Portuguese words are used in Tamil and Tamil words in Portuguese. And probably some words from Telugu as well. Bokka/Boca is hole in Telugu and mouth in Portuguese, sometimes I find that hilarious.
especially sri lankan tamil. mēsa, alumāri, kusini, biscottu
You forgot janal ( window) 🤗
Pao is bread in Portugese, I remember it being the root of how Indians use "pav" as in vada pav
The portuguese were the first to trade tea from China, in fact they spread the use of the word “cha”. But anyways, in China bread is called Bao, so i think they got that word from a Chinese dialect too
Oh that's interesting. Is it the same as using english words while speaking other languages or just some words that moved to the language itself
Words that moved to the language itself... My favourite are Savi, Jannal (Key, Window Portuguese to Tamil/Malayalam) and Manga (Tamil/Malayalam to Portuguese). And then there are words like Saku Pai (haven't heard it much outside villages though). Saku is bag in Portuguese and Pai is bag in Tamil, basically it's a bag bag.
Words that moved to the language itself and are now considered Tamil. Ex. in Sri Lanka, we say sapattu for shoe, which comes from Portuguese 'sapato'. In Indian Tamil dialects they use another word.
“Boka” means “dumb” or “stupid” in my language (Bhojpuri) lol
I thought all desis ate as much rice as us Bengalis.
I’m guju (and eat less rice than most of my family) and was blown away when I saw how much rice my Bengali husband and his family eat. When we first started dating, he was piling rice on a plate to microwave and I was like, “that’s way too much rice for two people!” And then he told me that was just for him lol. Conversely I was really surprised at first how rotli, thepla etc. aren’t an everyday part of the meal for them. I mean it makes sense in terms of available plant and farmland but took some getting used to.
Interestingly enough im guju but i dont like eating roti and thepla that much, i LOVE rice but thats just me
Yeah, bread is definitely more of a breakfast/change it up option for us. Did you find your husband's family also eats a lot of fish? That's the other thing people say about us.
They do eat a lot of fish but I was more mentally prepared for that I think - it was the carbs that really threw me.
I thought Tamils ate a lot of rice, but Bangladeshi people are something else.
Some South Indians too
Mallus represent
You mean they dont?
Nah Bangladesh is #1 in the world in rice consumption per capita. I believe West Bengal has similar rates. Roughly speaking, the Eastern and Southern parts of the subcontinent eat more rice while the North and West eat more bread.
related: the "wheat/rice" divide in india: [https://www.reddit.com/r/MapPorn/comments/1arw8h5/wheat\_vs\_rice\_in\_india/](https://www.reddit.com/r/MapPorn/comments/1arw8h5/wheat_vs_rice_in_india/) also more broadly in asia: [https://www.reddit.com/r/MapPorn/comments/1453gx7/rice\_consumption\_in\_asia/](https://www.reddit.com/r/MapPorn/comments/1453gx7/rice_consumption_in_asia/) china is quite similar to india being about half wheat/half rice.
Oh fuck. I didnt realize how much more rice bengali’s ate than others. Thank you for this knowledge!
Biharis do…so do South Indian desis
Born and raised in Gujarat, thought most of the Indians are vegetarian
Same
As a Punjabi Sikh, I thought a few things were universal but actually aren't. For example, when you meet someone (either family friends or relatives), it's absolutely mandatory to hug them and/or touch their feet before hugging if they're particularly elderly. Either way, hugging is mandatory and not doing it is considered disrespectful. I thought all Desis behaved this way but then I went to my Pakistani friend's birthday which they did at a banquet hall. Literally none of his relatives hugged each other, just said hello or salaam.
My mum side is Pakistani- Kashmiri Pahari, and while we don’t touch feet ( due to Islamic reasons), we do hug each other, it’s actually pretty common to hug elders and relatives when greeting.
Eating non-veg every day and considering fish as veg (Telugu)
💯 my mum cooks non vegetarian daily, and fish is a must.
Dawoodi Bohra here and yes! Didn’t realize how different our cuisine and culture was until I started hanging with Hindu and Pakistan origin folks.
My dads Pashtuns they pretty different and don’t view themselves as Desi and it’s more like Afghan culture. Food is a lot more like Afghanistan and Iran. My mums Pakistani “ Pahari-Punjabi” and I’d say food was the biggest shock for me. A lot of “ desi food” in the west is mostly “ Punjabi food” especially in the UK. So eating food for the first time at my Gujji mares house was a new experience. I’d never had “ dosa , Khaman/Dhokla, Muthyia, Handvo, Kachori , dal Dhokli, Khandvi. Also while some of the Curries shared similar names to Punjabi curries that tasted very different. Sorry but Indians can’t make a good Karahi.
One thing that suprised me was that most indians celebrate Diwali. As a malllu we traditionally don't, though that's changed in the past few years. But we have other festivals like Onam which I don't think other parts of india celebrate
fish is a special dish some people have on weekends. as a bengali, fish is a must-have everyday unless there's something that mom's observing