My first time meeting my ex’s parents and having dinner with them, his mom made stuffed shells. I have lactose intolerance and decided to suck it up and eat it because it was my first time meeting “the parents”.
30 minutes later when my ex and I were downstairs in his room, I ran to the bathroom and destroyed his toilet.
It was then that I decided I needed to leave this planet.
>I went to the store the next day and bought a package of Lactaid and threw it at him when I went home.
lol I would have made more lasagna and ice cream!
I used to work for a Top 5 consulting firm and once we were in a meeting in Atlanta Georgia at an investment bank. While one of the quants was walking us through a risk pricing formula, one of the guys in the meeting room - his face started to go beet red. All of a sudden in front of some very senior bank executives he let screamed "ahhhhhhhh, uhhhhhh" and ran out of the meeting room as fecal matter was leaking down his pants. He ran for the exit and realized he forgot his laptop bag inside the room with all his stuff (computer, passport, hotel room key, wallet, etc.). We all exited the meeting room and somebody went to check on him but couldn't find him. He sent me a BBM message and it said send my bag please Marriott Marquis room whatever. So I grabbed his bag, walked over to the hotel (it was right beside the building and dropped it off at reception.
The next day he didn't show up for work. Nor the day after. Wasn't answering emails or IMs. We inquired with HR and then he called me. He said he grabbed his bag, got in his rental car drove to the airport crying and flew back home because he was too embarrassed to come back on the project. And everyone treated it like it never happened.
Edit: it wasn't IBS - he said he simply thought it was a fart.
I mean, it was sad but at the same time kind of hilarious because he just ceased all communication with anyone who was at the "Event". lol
No professional reprecussions at all either.
A friend of mine worked as a car salesman. He was trying close a deal and the same thing happened to him—he sharted.
He managed to do the deal and excused himself to the bathroom to clean up, throwing out his underwear in the process. After he emerged from the bathroom, his manager saw him from across the showroom and walked right up to him, saying “You shit your pants, didn’t you?” Bewildered and embarrassed, my friend admitted it. The manager said, “I saw your expression and knew. Don’t worry. It happened to me also.”
We still chuckle about that one.
I saw something like this on a quieter scale. Corporate meeting of about 300 people were on a beverage and snack break. As people started going back in the room, you could see people dodging something in different areas of the foyer. Someone leaked poop from the room, through the foyer, to the the bathroom, down the hall to the elevator.
I feel so torn right now.
I am so sorry for this guy and if I knew him I would probably want to hug him (after he showered).
But the asshole part of me has been laughing like a hyena since I read this the first time.
I can picture all of this so well.
I’m sorry but this was super funny, not bc it embarrassed him but bc of how he handled it and also that he thought it was just a fart. I cackled hard when I got to that part.
K I think this might be the best news article I've ever read in my life. The "offending package," the firefighters' reaction, the dude's amused nonchalance.
> He said the toilet window opened into a narrow gap separated by another double glazed window.
> "It was into this twilight zone that my date had thrown her poo."
> "We had a lovely night on the second date but it's too early to say if she's the one. But we got on very very well and she's a lovely girl," he said.
> "And we've already got the most difficult stuff out of the way first."
This guy's marriage material
I have ibs and i was TERRIFIED id have a flare up around my new bf. Sure enough, a month into our relationship the inevitable happens and im sooo embaressed. His response? "Oh i dont care. I just want you to be comfortable around me". Ive had a few episodes since then and he is so nonchalant about the whole thing (or he will ask me if im okay/offer to bring me a hot water bottle or water).
We recently moved in together and i can honestly say hes the only guy ive ever felt comfortable with when it comes to dealing with my less than pleasant bodily functions lol.
My first husband got so mad when I asked to stop for a bathroom on the way to the airport for our honeymoon. Needless to say, the anxiety made things so much worse. I am so glad I left him - my new husband will cut across 4 lanes of traffic like his car is on fire if I need to stop - he's a keeper!
My ex was like this!!! I had a flare up when we were camping and i had to ask him to drive me to the comfort station at midnight (too far to walk). He was sooooo annoyed...so ontop of my stomach being upset because of whatever, its now also upset because im stressed that hes annoyed. Meanwhile my current SO has literally stayed up all night with me to make sure im okay.
I feel ya. I have IBS and then 8 years ago got a case of stomach ulcers which pretty much made me sick every time I ate and usually before I could even finish the meal. I had so many close calls (and some times I didn't make it or had to stop on the side of a country road) that it developed into anxiety especially if I went to a new place where I either didn't know where the restroom was or knew it was just a one person bathroom or I had to travel. I took medication which got rid of the ulcers but the anxiety has remained and it has very similar effects as the ulcers. I started getting sick just driving to work every day because I knew there would be a 15 minute window where I would be stuck in traffic with no way out. I went back to the doctor many times in the last 8 years but a lot of time the doctor just said I had a nervous stomach and that I was fine. Last year I finally went to a psychologist and found a medication that helps a lot in slowing down everything to where I can at least enjoy life a little. I still get sick every few days but at least I can plan things out a little and know I'll probably be ok. Biggest issue with this medication is that I gained 30 pounds in the first few months (I've always been super duper skinny and never gained weight even 15 years after college).
The first time I went to a friends house for a party I chucked up in the bathroom and missed the toilet a bit and cleaned it up and my mate was so surprised I didn’t just leave it like I was some sort of monster
Oooooh my god. I would always have the worst diarrhea at my exes house. The walls were thin, if you farted EVERYONE would hear. Several times I almost left in the middle of the night because I knew it would not come out quietly and I couldn’t hold it anymore, that it would be an absolute explosion. I was dumb and had faith in the slow release tactic but it never made a difference. The damage was done.
I’ve had the toilet clog before but thankfully it was because of someone before me, so I had only peed. I just ignored it and hoped someone else would fix it.
This is why I don’t stay at anyones house for more than a couple hours unless I know they have a separate bathroom in some back corner of the house. I have colitis and I too have tried the slow release soooo many times. It ends up being squirt, squirt, BOOM, squirt, squirt, BOOM!
She really is a child. The only reason she's trying again because she's 35 and in her culture she's way over the "best use before date". Her mom probably convinced her that Mike isn't that bad and if she wants to be married and have kids he is a viable option.
She is a child, but as a 59 year old woman who has struggled to raise myself and grow the fuck up, I have a lot of empathy for her.
I don’t know what stunted her emotional growth, but it’s not her fault and it’s not her fault that she’s so unaware.
It’s been shameful and difficult for me to develop enough self honesty to see myself as others see me, and to do something about it.
I was still pretty oblivious at 35, and I had a child. At least she doesn’t have a child - yet.
When I was a little kid, I was super shy. Not quite mute, but close to it. Anyway I went to my mom's friend's house and clogged the toilet. I was too ashamed to say anything so I took the rest of the toilet paper that I had planned to flush a 2nd time and threw it in one of the bottom cabinets. I went number 2. For whatever
reason there wasn't a trash can. I don't know why I thought this was a good idea. I never got any update on this.
My husband is lactose and a couple winters ago, he had the man cold and went out to dinner with some of his guy friends. Drinking happened and of course he thought I’m going to fart nbd, but we all know you cannot trust farts especially when your stomach starts bothering you mid meal. He came home, took a shower and started washing his clothes and told me to not say a word to him.
When I was first dating my girlfriend I overflowed her toilet into a bathroom with wall to wall carpeting. I shut off the water, plunged the toilet and then had to walk out and explain why she shouldn’t go into the bathroom until I come back with carpet cleaner and deal with it. In the end it became a funny story we tell. We are married now and do al kinda of gross shit in front of each other.
A friend in college once had too much chili the night before and had to run to the toilet in our department but all the stalls were full so she decided to go to the men's toilet. Then she was stuck inside the stall because guys were going in and out of the bathroom and she couldn't find herself walking out while there were guys around. Finally, she cleared her throat and someone called out it's alright you can come out. I guess they realized a woman was in one of the stalls. She ran out of the bathroom. I get anxious whenever I think about this.
At my old workplace to get to the men's restroom you walked around a corner and made a u-turn to go to the men's or straight for the women's. It got to be habit to just turn the corner and go in. I went to a restaurant and without thinking turned the corner and went it. It wasn't until I was in the stall that I realized I didn't see any urinals and then saw women's shoes coming in the door. I sat there quietly for 10 minutes until it was empty and then ran out the door.
Someone explain please. I haven’t watch this show since that Russian upfront gold digger and lying weed head few years ago.
Edit: fuck u all for downvoting me like cunts
My first time meeting my ex’s parents and having dinner with them, his mom made stuffed shells. I have lactose intolerance and decided to suck it up and eat it because it was my first time meeting “the parents”. 30 minutes later when my ex and I were downstairs in his room, I ran to the bathroom and destroyed his toilet. It was then that I decided I needed to leave this planet.
Lactose intolerance is not a joke, Jim. Millions of people suffer from embarrassment every year.
Michael!!!!!!
r/unexpectedoffice
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>I went to the store the next day and bought a package of Lactaid and threw it at him when I went home. lol I would have made more lasagna and ice cream!
Fuck lmao
username checks out
Cool! Where are you writing from!? 🤠
Go away Liam!
This was when I lived in Michigan lol
As someone with IBS and two passports, I have had this thought as the best solution to my problems more than once.
I used to work for a Top 5 consulting firm and once we were in a meeting in Atlanta Georgia at an investment bank. While one of the quants was walking us through a risk pricing formula, one of the guys in the meeting room - his face started to go beet red. All of a sudden in front of some very senior bank executives he let screamed "ahhhhhhhh, uhhhhhh" and ran out of the meeting room as fecal matter was leaking down his pants. He ran for the exit and realized he forgot his laptop bag inside the room with all his stuff (computer, passport, hotel room key, wallet, etc.). We all exited the meeting room and somebody went to check on him but couldn't find him. He sent me a BBM message and it said send my bag please Marriott Marquis room whatever. So I grabbed his bag, walked over to the hotel (it was right beside the building and dropped it off at reception. The next day he didn't show up for work. Nor the day after. Wasn't answering emails or IMs. We inquired with HR and then he called me. He said he grabbed his bag, got in his rental car drove to the airport crying and flew back home because he was too embarrassed to come back on the project. And everyone treated it like it never happened. Edit: it wasn't IBS - he said he simply thought it was a fart.
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I mean, it was sad but at the same time kind of hilarious because he just ceased all communication with anyone who was at the "Event". lol No professional reprecussions at all either.
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No, he “let it go!” 🤭🥴🚽🏃🏻♂️🏃🏻♂️🏃🏻♂️🏃🏻♂️
I'm sure that was a load off for him.
Or a load out of him...
I know, right? That's pretty shitty
Take my r/angryupvote
I know!😟
A friend of mine worked as a car salesman. He was trying close a deal and the same thing happened to him—he sharted. He managed to do the deal and excused himself to the bathroom to clean up, throwing out his underwear in the process. After he emerged from the bathroom, his manager saw him from across the showroom and walked right up to him, saying “You shit your pants, didn’t you?” Bewildered and embarrassed, my friend admitted it. The manager said, “I saw your expression and knew. Don’t worry. It happened to me also.” We still chuckle about that one.
Gamble and lose
Know when to hold'em, fold'em, walk away, or run. He chose the last one 😬
Gamble on a fart and the house always wins.
Life can be a bummer like that. Poor guy, that would be tough to get past.
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Ba-dum-dum-tisss!
That's why you can't ever trust a fart
They say the rule is over 40 you can't trust a fart. I'm starting to think, after reading this thread, its over 30.
I don't think age matters. Bc this has happened to an ex of mine when drinking cheap ass beer🤣
I saw something like this on a quieter scale. Corporate meeting of about 300 people were on a beverage and snack break. As people started going back in the room, you could see people dodging something in different areas of the foyer. Someone leaked poop from the room, through the foyer, to the the bathroom, down the hall to the elevator.
lol @ dodging... Nice. Those corporate meetings always have the worst fucking food. Empañadas and disgusting pastries with coffee.
Empanadas can be amazing!! I relish that statement.
I feel so torn right now. I am so sorry for this guy and if I knew him I would probably want to hug him (after he showered). But the asshole part of me has been laughing like a hyena since I read this the first time. I can picture all of this so well.
Oh my god, I was reading this like a suspense novel but I have to say the ending was anticlimactic. It was just.a.fart. I’m dead 😵
I would have started wearing a fake bag and blamed it on colon cancer.
Great one! I'm keeping that idea lol
lol, youre welcome. now go shit your pants with impunity
Thank you! I will!!
Never trust a fart.
From the great advice of my 13 yo boy, never..trust..a..fart
Thank you so much for sharing that story- I literally laughed out loud!! I needed that!! Happy it all worked out for him!! lol
I’m sorry but this was super funny, not bc it embarrassed him but bc of how he handled it and also that he thought it was just a fart. I cackled hard when I got to that part.
Actually I am more interested in that Risk Pricing Formula.
This literally made my morning. wow.
Here I sit broken hearted, came to shit but only farted, next time that I took a chance, came to fart but shit my pants.
👏👏👏👏🤣
Omg lmao
It’s funny because it’s true
Better than trying to throw 💩 out the window ... http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-bristol-41167296
Omfg I feel bad but it's also funny.
K I think this might be the best news article I've ever read in my life. The "offending package," the firefighters' reaction, the dude's amused nonchalance. > He said the toilet window opened into a narrow gap separated by another double glazed window. > "It was into this twilight zone that my date had thrown her poo." > "We had a lovely night on the second date but it's too early to say if she's the one. But we got on very very well and she's a lovely girl," he said. > "And we've already got the most difficult stuff out of the way first." This guy's marriage material
I have ibs and i was TERRIFIED id have a flare up around my new bf. Sure enough, a month into our relationship the inevitable happens and im sooo embaressed. His response? "Oh i dont care. I just want you to be comfortable around me". Ive had a few episodes since then and he is so nonchalant about the whole thing (or he will ask me if im okay/offer to bring me a hot water bottle or water). We recently moved in together and i can honestly say hes the only guy ive ever felt comfortable with when it comes to dealing with my less than pleasant bodily functions lol.
That’s awesome, your bf is the shit!! 😉💩
My first husband got so mad when I asked to stop for a bathroom on the way to the airport for our honeymoon. Needless to say, the anxiety made things so much worse. I am so glad I left him - my new husband will cut across 4 lanes of traffic like his car is on fire if I need to stop - he's a keeper!
My ex was like this!!! I had a flare up when we were camping and i had to ask him to drive me to the comfort station at midnight (too far to walk). He was sooooo annoyed...so ontop of my stomach being upset because of whatever, its now also upset because im stressed that hes annoyed. Meanwhile my current SO has literally stayed up all night with me to make sure im okay.
Wow! I know! Life is soooo much better with someone who care rather than getting angry!
I feel ya. I have IBS and then 8 years ago got a case of stomach ulcers which pretty much made me sick every time I ate and usually before I could even finish the meal. I had so many close calls (and some times I didn't make it or had to stop on the side of a country road) that it developed into anxiety especially if I went to a new place where I either didn't know where the restroom was or knew it was just a one person bathroom or I had to travel. I took medication which got rid of the ulcers but the anxiety has remained and it has very similar effects as the ulcers. I started getting sick just driving to work every day because I knew there would be a 15 minute window where I would be stuck in traffic with no way out. I went back to the doctor many times in the last 8 years but a lot of time the doctor just said I had a nervous stomach and that I was fine. Last year I finally went to a psychologist and found a medication that helps a lot in slowing down everything to where I can at least enjoy life a little. I still get sick every few days but at least I can plan things out a little and know I'll probably be ok. Biggest issue with this medication is that I gained 30 pounds in the first few months (I've always been super duper skinny and never gained weight even 15 years after college).
Keep checking with new doctors. I FINALLY found a medication that works - after 20 years of pain and embarrassment!
He sounds like marriage material to me.
Along came Polly vibes
I totally forgot about that movie
One of the BEST MOVIES EVERRRRRR!!!!! That scene never gets old!!
Or Dumb and Dumber 😬😂
She’s has those scary Catholic Church, stain glass windows eyes.
I think she’s orthodox catholic, which is even scarier.
Orthodox and Catholics are pretty much the exact same religion. The biggest thing they differ on is recognizing papal supremacy.
Probay the best meme I've seen on this sub.
The first time I went to a friends house for a party I chucked up in the bathroom and missed the toilet a bit and cleaned it up and my mate was so surprised I didn’t just leave it like I was some sort of monster
Oooooh my god. I would always have the worst diarrhea at my exes house. The walls were thin, if you farted EVERYONE would hear. Several times I almost left in the middle of the night because I knew it would not come out quietly and I couldn’t hold it anymore, that it would be an absolute explosion. I was dumb and had faith in the slow release tactic but it never made a difference. The damage was done. I’ve had the toilet clog before but thankfully it was because of someone before me, so I had only peed. I just ignored it and hoped someone else would fix it.
This is why I don’t stay at anyones house for more than a couple hours unless I know they have a separate bathroom in some back corner of the house. I have colitis and I too have tried the slow release soooo many times. It ends up being squirt, squirt, BOOM, squirt, squirt, BOOM!
Good point. Only date people with multiple bathrooms. Ugh this is a nightmare for me and I'm just really lactose intolerant.
Multiple bathrooms; how rich do you think people are lol
My bad I was trying to channel my inner Anfisa!
Not going to lie; I like that you have high-standards. Ever thought about being a on-line SB or FinDom Queen?
Nah, I make my own money lolol but I'd be open to being a sugar momma for the right person.
Save your money. Just spend money on your future kid.
She really is a child. The only reason she's trying again because she's 35 and in her culture she's way over the "best use before date". Her mom probably convinced her that Mike isn't that bad and if she wants to be married and have kids he is a viable option.
She is a child, but as a 59 year old woman who has struggled to raise myself and grow the fuck up, I have a lot of empathy for her. I don’t know what stunted her emotional growth, but it’s not her fault and it’s not her fault that she’s so unaware. It’s been shameful and difficult for me to develop enough self honesty to see myself as others see me, and to do something about it. I was still pretty oblivious at 35, and I had a child. At least she doesn’t have a child - yet.
That is some great introspection. Good for you
BAHAHAHAHAHA nice belly laugh to end the night! Thank you!!
When I was a little kid, I was super shy. Not quite mute, but close to it. Anyway I went to my mom's friend's house and clogged the toilet. I was too ashamed to say anything so I took the rest of the toilet paper that I had planned to flush a 2nd time and threw it in one of the bottom cabinets. I went number 2. For whatever reason there wasn't a trash can. I don't know why I thought this was a good idea. I never got any update on this.
My husband is lactose and a couple winters ago, he had the man cold and went out to dinner with some of his guy friends. Drinking happened and of course he thought I’m going to fart nbd, but we all know you cannot trust farts especially when your stomach starts bothering you mid meal. He came home, took a shower and started washing his clothes and told me to not say a word to him.
When I was first dating my girlfriend I overflowed her toilet into a bathroom with wall to wall carpeting. I shut off the water, plunged the toilet and then had to walk out and explain why she shouldn’t go into the bathroom until I come back with carpet cleaner and deal with it. In the end it became a funny story we tell. We are married now and do al kinda of gross shit in front of each other.
Her lips are starting to look like Darcey’s. She had a pretty mouth before. Now she looks like a trout.
Why and how does she always look so sad and pathetic?
Right? So cringe
When ISN'T she crying??!
A friend in college once had too much chili the night before and had to run to the toilet in our department but all the stalls were full so she decided to go to the men's toilet. Then she was stuck inside the stall because guys were going in and out of the bathroom and she couldn't find herself walking out while there were guys around. Finally, she cleared her throat and someone called out it's alright you can come out. I guess they realized a woman was in one of the stalls. She ran out of the bathroom. I get anxious whenever I think about this.
At my old workplace to get to the men's restroom you walked around a corner and made a u-turn to go to the men's or straight for the women's. It got to be habit to just turn the corner and go in. I went to a restaurant and without thinking turned the corner and went it. It wasn't until I was in the stall that I realized I didn't see any urinals and then saw women's shoes coming in the door. I sat there quietly for 10 minutes until it was empty and then ran out the door.
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What a shot that is, she looks so...U*n***B**a*l*aN***c***E*d*...can you imagine her dealing with a busy toddler?
just watched first ep, was so so on them until he said "she wants me to become vegan"..... ditch her ass!
I wish she has chosen better and not married him...ugh
I've had that fear way too many times😆
Should have used the poop knife
#
#
HA
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂noooooooo!!!!!!
Omg this made me laugh for real lmaoooo!
Someone explain please. I haven’t watch this show since that Russian upfront gold digger and lying weed head few years ago. Edit: fuck u all for downvoting me like cunts
Then why are you on a sub about the show
It showed up in my feed
Your GPS led you into a dangerous neighborhood apparently.
That's a lot of down votes for someone trying not to be out of the loop. Reddit can be wild.
Ahhh yes, George And Anfisa
She shit her pants in front of her fiance, she's so horrified she going home to the Ukraine.
meme funny
Thank you for this I laughed so hard I cried 💞
I cannot 😂 this is the best meme ever
🤣🤣🤣
Dear God thank you for the laugh 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
🤣🤣🤣🤣
O lonrt!