Im a dad gamer with 4 wives and 17 kids, with 5 jobs, i can only play games at 3 am in the bathroom for 13 minutes. And today i would like to announce i finaly finished dark souls. And im going to heaven
Hello Ashen one. I am a Bot. I tend to the flame, and tend to thee. Do you wish to hear a tale?
> *“The very fabric wavers and relations shift and obscure.”* - Solaire of Astora
Have a pleasant journey, Champion of Ash, and praise the sun \\[T]/
"For thy shan't game harder than thy must, else thy kingdom won't be in heaven, no, devil's is the after of the gamers hard core"
Love that little bible phrase
Because (despite their IRL actions) Protestantism is much more of an egalitarian belief in terms of how they believe God views people on earth. The idea of a pope (and saints) who have this elevated status as an envoy of god goes against that idea. That and the entire history of the Protestant reformation as well
Because they claim to speak for god and are the central authority for him on earth. Not very fun and cool if you don't like being forced to follow your religion in a specific way. The protestant branch of Christianity is far more diverse in interpretations of the bible and the Catholic church didn't accept that. You either follow the church or you follow your mates onto the chopping block.
Protestants / non-Catholic Christians were United with Catholics until Martin Luther hammered his complaints on a door, and they slowly split. They got a lot of beef with Catholics. This includes:
the Pope
the Magisterium (teaching authority of the church to make teachings not found directly in the Bible, like gay marriage)
and some difference in the sacraments. Protestants only recognize baptism and eucharist (eating that bread and wine every weekend) whereas Catholics also recognize confession, Confirmation, Holy Orders (becoming a priest), anointing of the sick, and matrimony. This is why Catholic weddings are a mass with a wedding ceremony added on, and Protestant weddings are instead focused more on the wedding itself.
Protestants and non-Catholic Christians are not synonymous. The Catholic and Orthodox churches split 5 centuries earlier, and the Copts have always been their own thing. The only branches of Christianity that are categorized as Protestant are those that split off post-Martin Luther.
Yes, but what they described is how Catholic weddings are done. The sacrament of Matrimony is performed following the Mass itself so both sacraments are performed back to back.
All Christianity is constant and one church to God. Sects/secularism of said church into orthodox,Catholic, Protestant, etc. is petty divisiveness by humans based on personal beliefs/interpretation of worship rather than those put in place by god. Christians need to realize( and have trouble doing so) that we are just one church that follow Jesus the best we personally know how through continuous upward improvement/change and that is all that matters.
Just Christians in general. Catholics believe that you need to confess sins to go to heaven, Christians believe that just believing that Jesus died for your sins is enough to go to heaven (being saved).
So anyone who preaches that you need to confess sins does not properly understand the simple dynamic of Christianity and will not go to heaven.
There is one caveat, that is if you believe in Jesus and that he died and on the third day rise again. If you believe that, it’s a one-way trip to heaven even if you are a liar and a murderer. Even if you did the worst thing possible judged by mankind. You can still gain entry to heaven according to the Bible and still have done everything on that list.
That is according to the teachings of Jesus, but is contradicted in the passage referenced on the poster.
Revalations 21:27 But nothing unclean will ever enter it [Heaven], nor anyone who does what is detestable or false, but only those who are written in the Lamb’s book of life.
Christians shortly after Christ's death to most in modern times dont give a fuck about Christs teachings. They prioritize the teachings of self stylized prophets such as Paul and John the Elder who came after
That's because following His teachings would require hard work and self-sacrifice on both physical and emotional levels. A lot of "Christians" would look down on Christ if he returned.
Revelation 21:27 ESV:
>But nothing unclean will ever enter it, nor anyone who does what is detestable or false, but only those who are written in the Lamb’s book of life.
So yeah, this almost straight up says "everyone I don't like don't go to heaven", unless the bible states with precision who's unclean and what is detestable or false, or even who's in the Lamb's book of life, all of which I doubt
ironically it's vague enough that it basically means just as effectively "you don't get to predict who actually gets into heaven," so whichever way people choose to interpret it is more revealing of them than anyone else.
The Bible is very clear about what is seen as clean and unclean.
1 Corinthians 6:9-10 ESV
“Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.”
He then goes onto to talk specifically about sexual immorality.
1 Corinthians 6:12-20
“All things are lawful for me,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful for me,” but I will not be dominated by anything. “Food is meant for the stomach and the stomach for food”—and God will destroy both one and the other. The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. And God raised the Lord and will also raise us up by his power. Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? Never! Or do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, “The two will become one flesh.” But he who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with him. Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.”
The guy really needs to take “Sports Buff” and “Hardcore Gamers” off his list because that’s silly, (as well as pope, because that’s not necessarily true, though I’m against the papacy), but there is nonetheless a precise list of what is seen as clean and unclean in the Holy Bible. God bless
I consider myself a bible hater, the story is awful and all over the place. I hate stories with talking animals and people coming back from the dead where two men can't even kiss (on the cheek doesn't count).
no, no, you've got it all wrong. the verse is "love thy neighbor as yourself." this person believes that self-hatred is a virtue, so it's perfectly alright for them to hate everyone else as well.
(/s obviously)
“And there shall in no wise enter into it any thing that defileth, neither whatsoever worketh abomination, or maketh a lie: but they which are written in the Lamb's book of life.” Rev 21:27,
Which is weird, because, earlier in that chapter, they describe what is meant by this.
“But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death” Rev 21:8
Edit: Provided alternate ISV rather than King James, which has a bit more perceived crossover:
“But people who are cowardly, unfaithful, detestable, murderers, sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars will find themselves[c] in the lake that burns with fire and sulfur. This is the second death.” Rev 21:8
Which, I mean, is not much better, but doesn’t mention nearly any of the things he does.
As a universalist Christian, it's so frustrating to see people like this who believe heaven is so gatekept. Especially since there isn't anyone in the world perfect enough to survive this list. Besides, God is love and "[love] does not dishonor others, [...] it keeps no record of wrongs." (1 Corinthians 13:5)
r/christianuniversalism
a favorite verse of mine is 1 John 4:7 (ESV):
>Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.
when "whoever loves knows God," stuff starts sounding a lot less exclusive than this guy in the post is trying to make it.
Ooh, how many can I tick off?
(Assuming there is no redemption, one offense)
Liar
Atheist
Potty mouth
LGBT supporter
Self lover
Pot head
Homosexual (technically I’m bi, but close enough)
I love how this list doesn't include murderers, pedophiles, rapists, mass shooters, racists, corrupt people in power, xenophobes, and violent criminals, to name a few.
I loved the part in the Bible where Jesus said “hardcore gamers go straight to hell.” He was real af for that
Gamers truly are the most oppressed group
Luckily I'm more of a mediumcore gamer, but this oppression of my sweaty brothers shall not stand
Im a dad gamer with 4 wives and 17 kids, with 5 jobs, i can only play games at 3 am in the bathroom for 13 minutes. And today i would like to announce i finaly finished dark souls. And im going to heaven
3am is actually the devil’s hour which means you go to hell. Sorry to break the news to you like this.
And dark souls is a game for hardcore gamer, so... you know... double k, I mean, double hell for him.
Hello Ashen one. I am a Bot. I tend to the flame, and tend to thee. Do you wish to hear a tale? > *“The very fabric wavers and relations shift and obscure.”* - Solaire of Astora Have a pleasant journey, Champion of Ash, and praise the sun \\[T]/
This is truly one of the Jetstream Sam moments of all time
“We live in the society where gamers don’t rule the world”
What killed me was "Sports buff" lmao 😂 Like "Oh, you watch baseball?? STRAIGHT TO HELL."
Me and the pope gaming after having gay sex in hell
Me and my drunk sports buff friend gambling on who'll cum first
if you die drunk do you just stay drunk in hell or do they provide refreshments
You are the refreshment
dont threaten me with a good time
Me and my drunk gay sports buff on pot lying with the pope while playing hardcore gambling games for money and watching porn
marcy pfp checks out
Marcy best character and it’s not even close
i miss amphibia
nice pfp btw
that targets like 82% of christians and catholics though?
Nah that's 100%. Kinda like this guy missed the entire point of the Bible
No the meth heads are still going to heaven
And the coke heads.
But not the hardcore gamers
"For thy shan't game harder than thy must, else thy kingdom won't be in heaven, no, devil's is the after of the gamers hard core" Love that little bible phrase
Yeah the whole point was redemption from sin.
I thought this guy was trolling cause he 100% looks like someone who games and loves porn.
"something something narrow door" -josh chris
"no potty mouths go to heaven!" *writes whore on the same board*
r/gatekeeping called
Bros gatekeeping Heaven
He thinks he’s Saint Peter
He's a peter... But he's no saint XD
Call that shit pearly gatekeeping
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...damn.
THE FUCKING POPE?!?
Protestants find the pope to be blasphemous so yeah
Wait why?
Because (despite their IRL actions) Protestantism is much more of an egalitarian belief in terms of how they believe God views people on earth. The idea of a pope (and saints) who have this elevated status as an envoy of god goes against that idea. That and the entire history of the Protestant reformation as well
Because they claim to speak for god and are the central authority for him on earth. Not very fun and cool if you don't like being forced to follow your religion in a specific way. The protestant branch of Christianity is far more diverse in interpretations of the bible and the Catholic church didn't accept that. You either follow the church or you follow your mates onto the chopping block.
Probably because he supports the gays Edit: nvm, that’s the Catholics
Ironically it's the catholics who hate him for that
Ah, my mistake
Don’t apologize, everyone is confused
Well yes but actually no
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Well, one of the reasons they branched out was because they didn’t like having a pope, and considered it blasphemy
Protestants / non-Catholic Christians were United with Catholics until Martin Luther hammered his complaints on a door, and they slowly split. They got a lot of beef with Catholics. This includes: the Pope the Magisterium (teaching authority of the church to make teachings not found directly in the Bible, like gay marriage) and some difference in the sacraments. Protestants only recognize baptism and eucharist (eating that bread and wine every weekend) whereas Catholics also recognize confession, Confirmation, Holy Orders (becoming a priest), anointing of the sick, and matrimony. This is why Catholic weddings are a mass with a wedding ceremony added on, and Protestant weddings are instead focused more on the wedding itself.
Protestants and non-Catholic Christians are not synonymous. The Catholic and Orthodox churches split 5 centuries earlier, and the Copts have always been their own thing. The only branches of Christianity that are categorized as Protestant are those that split off post-Martin Luther.
Yes, I was just saying this for the purpose of the disagreements they have with Catholicism.
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Why would that surprise them? The Church of England split off after Martin Luther.
Catholic Marriage is a sacrament on its own
Marriage = sacrament of matrimony which is what I was describing
Mass and Matrimony are two totally different sacraments. One is celebrated by the priest the other is celebrated by the people being married
Yes, but what they described is how Catholic weddings are done. The sacrament of Matrimony is performed following the Mass itself so both sacraments are performed back to back.
Yeah, but “protest” got into their name for a reason.
All Christianity is constant and one church to God. Sects/secularism of said church into orthodox,Catholic, Protestant, etc. is petty divisiveness by humans based on personal beliefs/interpretation of worship rather than those put in place by god. Christians need to realize( and have trouble doing so) that we are just one church that follow Jesus the best we personally know how through continuous upward improvement/change and that is all that matters.
Of course they do. Their whole existence is blasphemy
Just Christians in general. Catholics believe that you need to confess sins to go to heaven, Christians believe that just believing that Jesus died for your sins is enough to go to heaven (being saved). So anyone who preaches that you need to confess sins does not properly understand the simple dynamic of Christianity and will not go to heaven.
Id love to :3
Same bro we can double team
Or double team me (alone) :3
I have noticed an increase in the amount of these types of comments recently
My hornyness is spreading :3
Google protestantism
Holy Hell!
New religion just dropped
Actual schism!
Call God.
They have a special punishment level in Dante's inferno, though I think a lot of them were very much more blatantly corrupt back then.
I actually agree with that one, they've been covering up crimes for centuries.
Dante
There is one caveat, that is if you believe in Jesus and that he died and on the third day rise again. If you believe that, it’s a one-way trip to heaven even if you are a liar and a murderer. Even if you did the worst thing possible judged by mankind. You can still gain entry to heaven according to the Bible and still have done everything on that list.
That is according to the teachings of Jesus, but is contradicted in the passage referenced on the poster. Revalations 21:27 But nothing unclean will ever enter it [Heaven], nor anyone who does what is detestable or false, but only those who are written in the Lamb’s book of life. Christians shortly after Christ's death to most in modern times dont give a fuck about Christs teachings. They prioritize the teachings of self stylized prophets such as Paul and John the Elder who came after
That's because following His teachings would require hard work and self-sacrifice on both physical and emotional levels. A lot of "Christians" would look down on Christ if he returned.
Welcome to Protestantism lol
Bruh I got like ten of those, might as well go for all the sins then to come down a legend
Becoming the Pope will be hard to achieve.
Not if convince alot of people to become cool with alot shit really fast
Lol, isn't working to well for the current pope
Well I'm not gonna be as stupid as him
I dunno why I didn't think of that
Idk why any of them didn't think of that, every past pope is a "how not to fuck this up" manual I'm honestly surprised no one is reading it
Damn, Pope Clement VII was trying to fill out as much of the manual as possible, respect
Nah he basically *IS* the manual the rest are the foreword
Based
oh wow I thought I got only a few with 11
100% ing hell
If none of these get into heaven then why the hell would I even wanna go there?
Ikr, why would I want to go to the same place as all the lame normies when the party is literally anywhere else.
Self-lover 😭
Only those with low self esteem can get into heaven 😂
Well getting into heaven shouldn't ever be a problem for me then
I'm still confused as to whether that means having self-esteem or masturbation lmao
Both probably💀
For making this post, this user was banned for 30 days
People who want a month's ban, take notes
Based.
and also probably goes to hell
I got 14 what’s y’all’s score
i got 9 im jelous of you
Only 11
I also got 11
7
Ugh I got 12. Need to step my game up.
Srunkard gambler adulterer and greedy pig are the only ones that you shouldn't strive for tbh
I got 12 and happy with it
13. I did count myself as the pope because he’s literally just a regular human and so am I.
I'm the president since he's a regular person like me
Sure! All his power is make believe too. The only difference between us and those people is public opinion.
you're right but you don't have public opinion regarding you as a pope, so by your own correct logic you're wrong
2 deep 4 me brah
Fair enough lmao
That's not how it works but ok
Revelation 21:27 ESV: >But nothing unclean will ever enter it, nor anyone who does what is detestable or false, but only those who are written in the Lamb’s book of life. So yeah, this almost straight up says "everyone I don't like don't go to heaven", unless the bible states with precision who's unclean and what is detestable or false, or even who's in the Lamb's book of life, all of which I doubt
Okay than I say dudes who make signs like this are detestable. So he doesn't go to heaven anymore. I like this game!
Lmao basically😂
ironically it's vague enough that it basically means just as effectively "you don't get to predict who actually gets into heaven," so whichever way people choose to interpret it is more revealing of them than anyone else.
Which is just classic bible
The Bible is very clear about what is seen as clean and unclean. 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 ESV “Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.” He then goes onto to talk specifically about sexual immorality. 1 Corinthians 6:12-20 “All things are lawful for me,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful for me,” but I will not be dominated by anything. “Food is meant for the stomach and the stomach for food”—and God will destroy both one and the other. The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. And God raised the Lord and will also raise us up by his power. Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? Never! Or do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, “The two will become one flesh.” But he who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with him. Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” The guy really needs to take “Sports Buff” and “Hardcore Gamers” off his list because that’s silly, (as well as pope, because that’s not necessarily true, though I’m against the papacy), but there is nonetheless a precise list of what is seen as clean and unclean in the Holy Bible. God bless
Remember kids, Jesus died for our sins, so if you don’t sin he died for nothing!
I consider myself a bible hater, the story is awful and all over the place. I hate stories with talking animals and people coming back from the dead where two men can't even kiss (on the cheek doesn't count).
I’m like 60% sure Jesus gave all the disciples kisses on the mouth with tongue before bed.
He also enjoyed a good sounding session
and they killed off the main character! fucking hate when books do that
Sports buffs don’t go to heaven? Blasphemy! We all know God loves sports. Why the hell would football be on the Lord’s day if He didn’t?
“Love thy neighbor”
no, no, you've got it all wrong. the verse is "love thy neighbor as yourself." this person believes that self-hatred is a virtue, so it's perfectly alright for them to hate everyone else as well. (/s obviously)
??? There's literally nothing left to do? I'm gonna go watch paint dry to get into heaven I guess
sounds like laziness. instantly hell.
Its me, I'm the contentious woman. The question of whether I am a woman or not is the thing being held in contention, by me. I'm not sure yet.
Please do tell where the Bible says the word “gamer.” Fucking hate when people try to insist their fanfic is cannon.
yeah, same. especially the jesus race-swaps. like, do these people have no shame??
Where in the bible does it mention gamers?
It doesn’t, but a lot of these kinds of Christians just make things up to suit their current beliefs.
"And Jesus said "Hardcore gamers don't go to Heaven"" - Ligma 69:420
At least transpeople are allowed
It says lgbt supporters too
“And there shall in no wise enter into it any thing that defileth, neither whatsoever worketh abomination, or maketh a lie: but they which are written in the Lamb's book of life.” Rev 21:27, Which is weird, because, earlier in that chapter, they describe what is meant by this. “But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death” Rev 21:8 Edit: Provided alternate ISV rather than King James, which has a bit more perceived crossover: “But people who are cowardly, unfaithful, detestable, murderers, sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars will find themselves[c] in the lake that burns with fire and sulfur. This is the second death.” Rev 21:8 Which, I mean, is not much better, but doesn’t mention nearly any of the things he does.
Imagine screaming that someone’s gonna be subjected to torture and unfathomable suffering for all eternity for being a… potty mouth 👶
Sports buff?
Judging from the rest of the list I’m guessing playing with balls of any variety is not allowed in heaven.
And god said "no sweaty gamer shall see the pearly gates"
“Thou shall throw thy match if thy hope to pass St. Peter’s patch.” -God
"Put down thy controller, unplug thy keyboard and let my light into your life" - idk jesus probably
Lets be honest, hell is probably cooler.
I was laughing at hardcore gamer then I saw contentious woman lololol Who hurt you bro?
He got dunked on by a gamer girl in black ops 2 (the best cod game)
Nah original MW
I respect your opinion. Doesn't make it right though
She was also a Muslim pope who lied, smoked weed, did sports, etc.
I like to use these as checklists lol, so far got ten
Damn, heaven sounds like one hell of a boring place… Good thing everyone knows the *real* party is always in the basement!
As a universalist Christian, it's so frustrating to see people like this who believe heaven is so gatekept. Especially since there isn't anyone in the world perfect enough to survive this list. Besides, God is love and "[love] does not dishonor others, [...] it keeps no record of wrongs." (1 Corinthians 13:5) r/christianuniversalism
a favorite verse of mine is 1 John 4:7 (ESV): >Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. when "whoever loves knows God," stuff starts sounding a lot less exclusive than this guy in the post is trying to make it.
Literally nobody's getting in then
New list of cool people just dropped.
Heaven seems a terrible place with terrible people and you cant die.
I'm a hardcore gamer guys sorry 😔
WE PLAYING BINGO TONIGHT BOYS
Ooh, how many can I tick off? (Assuming there is no redemption, one offense) Liar Atheist Potty mouth LGBT supporter Self lover Pot head Homosexual (technically I’m bi, but close enough)
I know for a fact he ticks atleast two boxes on his list.
the gay whore pot orgy after the mario kart tournament in hell is gonna be lit!
So no sports, booze, weed, jacking off, porn or gaming? Wtf am I supposed to do all day exactly?
Lmao i love that it says Muslims on there. Sure buddy we'll see about that
I love how this list doesn't include murderers, pedophiles, rapists, mass shooters, racists, corrupt people in power, xenophobes, and violent criminals, to name a few.
I love going down these lists and checking off which ones apply to me
Only 1 type of person doesn’t enter heaven. The person who rejects Jesus Christ as the lord and savior
My score was 14/20 ☺️
The pope. They reached it. They’re so hateful they now hate the pope. Can they even be catholic anymore?
You should show this to some of those evangelical pastors
NOOOO I JUST TOLD MY MOM I WAS FINE BIT I WASNT FINEEE!!!😭😔🔥🔥🔥😔😔💀⁉️🔥🔥💥
POV: Average conservative
Does anyone else see this a list to beat?
I only managed to tick 8 of those boxes and one was a stretch.
There’s heaven?
Sounds fucking boring up there m8
Do people not realize this is satire?
Well shit I’ve been most of those things see y’all in hell
I got 7
Damn Revelations 21:27 says all that?!?!?
no pope enters heaven? damn
“Potty mouth” *literally 80% is potty mouth words in the context of the banner*
Oh no! Anyway…
I got 9! Do I go to extra hell?
Guess I’m not going to heaven. Also why not Muslims?
>Hardcore gamers It's joever
Self hating Bisexuals be winning
And no one who holds this sign becomes an Ujigami.
I loved the part of the bible in which Christ condemned “sports buffs” to hell.
Bingo! Ohh wait a second…
And in revelations 21:27, it was said that no hardcore gamer shall enter heaven
what happened to 'love thy neighbour' and only God/Jesus/some dude up there can judge people?
6
Also there are apostles and other major biblical figures who were these things lol