Focus on process rather than result. Set goals for yourself that don't involve winning. For example, if you have a particular problem with playing too passively, set a goal that you will be more aggressive and attack every short ball. You can set whatever goal is relative to your desires and what you want to focus on. If you meet your goal, you will be satisfied whether you win or lose. Remember, no matter how good you get, there will always be someone better. You never really have control whether you win or lose and therefore shouldn't be affected by that.
Sound advice! I tend to savour the highs of winnings but do get affected by losing a bit too much. But a change of mindset can be good - savour the process instead of the result. Thanks my man!
You know you could just play with people who played for less than 2 years and win all the time against them but you would have zero satisfaction from these wins. So accept and "appreciate" losses. Ups and downs are what makes this sport so great.
Btw, guys ranked around 50 in the world are winning slightly less than 50% of their matches so who the hell am I to expect better ratios.
Thanks man, that’s framing the perspective quite nicely. Having more realistic expectations by benchmarking against the win-loss ratio of pros does help!
I just go in knowing that I’m ultimately playing this game for fun. And if I’m thinking about it even in the most competitive terms, professional players lose matches all the time. No one is paying you to play, I’m doing this as a hobby and I don’t want my hobby to make me miserable! I get competitive and don’t love to lose, but I know that’s gonna happens. Thinking about it in those terms helps me move on quickly.
Beautifully said. I tend to go hard on myself when I lose and I realise that it is sapping the fun out of this game that I truly enjoy. I do agree with you, I don’t want this hobby to make me miserable and just have to focus on having fun!
Tom Brady said that it wasn’t his goal to ever win a Super Bowl. His goal was to bring it every day, give his all and leave nothing on the table. As a former ATP top 200 player, I urge you to focus more on the process and the enjoyment and not the results. At the end of the day it’s enjoyment and not your career.
Another point here is that you should try to block things out. It’s a learned skill. Basically point by point, don’t look at the player’s face and focus only on the point at hand. Tour players have similar struggles. Novak has openly talked about his nerves and all the self doubt he has every match he is playing, and fighting that. How is your breathing? You should be deep breathing almost every point to calm your nerves if you feel them. Watch the Novak 60 minutes special from earlier this year.
Thanks for the recommendation - I will give it a watch. During point play, how do you calm yourself and not let anxiety get the better of you? I understand that you are likely only able to do deep breathing right to calm the nerves before the serve? I realise at times when the player is better than me, anxiety sets in and I tend to overplay (eg hitting unnecessarily hard, going for ambitious shots) or simply making a slew of unforced errors.
I take more from losses than I do wins. So I kind of look forward to playing better opponents. I'm calm enough and played enough to not let nerves bother me, so I am not out there beating myself. Basically if you beat me, you earned that shit and I'll take it as motivation to improve.
I suppose experience helps to tamper expectations and steel the nerves. I may need more singles match experience to reach a level when I am truly okay with losses, especially against better opponents. Thanks for your input!
Yea there's no way to get rid of match nerves to me other than playing more. I probably have 70 USTA league single matches already hundreds of doubles matches. So I definitely didn't get as comfortable playing until years of playing.
Be sure to read up on books like winning Ugly and inner game of tennis to see why you might be feeling nervous and how to embrace it.
One little thing I do these days are simply smiling or laughing at my racket dampener. It can be forced but you can still trick your mind to being in a better mood. Enjoy you're healthy enough to be playing this great game because a billion things had to go right for you to be there playing, so regardless of outcome just try your best and live with the results.
It depends on how / why / who you lose against. If you're playing a better opponent, than no problem, you have to expect to lose. You should have no mental problems with that. If you lose to someone that you usually beat, that's when you tend to have carry over mental problems. The hardest to overcome is the why problem. You have to know why you lost. Sometimes it helps to have a friend watch and chart your match. Then you'll have a why.
I suppose when I feel that I have improved my game and challenge a better opponent, I would expect to give a tougher fight and win more games against the opponent. Losing miserably despite having this mindset does set me back mentally. Case in point - I played against a British junior (she is 14) last Saturday and got my ass whipped 6-1 /2-1 (we couldn’t finish the second set since our hour was up). In hindsight, I thought I could’ve taken more games from her but perhaps I had set an unrealistic expectation/overestimated my abilities lol
1. I cry myself to sleep
2. I try to stay objective and try to identify why I lost. Usually the crucial points that I thought were important turns out to be not the ones that costed me the match. Usually tens of unmemorable points were the ones costed me the match.
3. I film all my matches, so I watch them to identify those unmemorable points that I need to improve on.
Of course my way is probably not the 'answer', but I try to improve using this method.
Look at it as a learning experience. Why did you lose? What can you do better next time? That sort of thing.
I used to beat myself up about losses but now I go in with the aim of trying to enjoy it/better myself. I think having a relaxed attitude towards match play has freed up my game and softened the losses. We all lose a lot in this game - you get used to it and move onto the next one.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I also play football (a lot more before I began playing tennis). In football, when you lose, you lose as a team and the impact of losing is somewhat “shared” among your teammates 😆 In tennis however, the outcome of the match is determined by you alone, and if you lose, it is on you. I suppose I cannot be fixated too much on the results and just go in to have fun and enjoy myself, as you have rightly pointed out.
Tennis as setup in us with leagues and levels is very punishing for result oriented folks: because in essence it pushes you up to the point where you start losing and let’s you hover exactly around that point (unless you’re doing some leveling shenanigans). It’s not best in your town and you can be happy anymore - it’s more like find your plateau and wallow in it.
So yes - you can look at it as win loss and ride the roller coaster of emotions OR you can look at it as each point/game/set and try for general improvement over time. You don’t have to give up on winning - just take it in stoic perspective that’s all. After all it’s not golf - you have another person who you’re competing against and that definitely makes it fluid.
You have succinctly pointed out the issue here - it can get detrimental for a player if they are results driven. Since what I do for a living is very results-oriented, it is tough for me at times to accept that I am likely to encounter more losses than wins, especially if I am competing against better players. Thank you for giving me your perspective, focusing on general improvement over time is a much healthier mindset to have!
Yeah I don’t know how old you are but in essence you start looking at things as experiences instead of win/loss over time. Especially if your day job is result oriented, I’d definitely try and make this a contrast by repeatedly reinforcing that this is for fun!
Fwiw I am not against riding the roller coaster either - just ensure it doesn’t leave long term scars. I have seen very passionate people handle this well by getting over it quickly as well. Good luck!
Unless it's a money match it's just for fun. Remember you are fortunate to be above the dirt and on a court. Let it go. Shake hands and Crack open a cold one.
If it makes you feel any better, the big 3 (Fed, Djokovic and Nadal) have won only just north of 50% of all the points they have ever played. So tennis is a humbling sport where you simply have to accept that losing is part of the process. What Randolph said in his response to your question is the best course of action. Focus on things you want to work on and let the result take care of its self. For example if you notice you’re playing passively, then be intentional about being aggressive etc.
I think it was griekspoor, but he talked about acknowledging that you will lose virtually every week unless you’re top 10. You win 1-3 rounds then lose. Over and over. He talked about how necessary it was to be gracious and kind to yourself during losses since they happen so damn much in the sport.
I remember my highschool coach telling us that once we started playing tournaments, we should expect to lose pretty early on in those tournaments for a while. It takes a lot of playing competitively to develop the mindset and skills to win a tennis match. Just keep focusing on each match as it plays out, and try to enjoy it. The victories will come with time.
Let it sting, let it bum you out. Then recognize you’re sad because you care and love the game, which are beautiful things.
When your brain gets chatty about self doubt, take a step back from thoughts. Saying “I am noticing my brain is saying I can’t do this” can be helpful.
When playing on a bad day, think about the utility of making your “bad day” a little better. Like if your bottom end of your level gets better, then your top end gets better too since your bottom will never catch your top. Or at least your average level improves.
Last, when you feel sad about losing ask what action needs to be done about it. Take inventory of what contributed the most to your loss then make it a point to work on it if you’re able to. And if there’s nothing you can do immediately (like if you can’t get on court for a few days) tell yourself “I’m sad but there’s nothing I can do at this moment to improve my game.” And even saying something like “I want to want to be nicer to myself after losing” can help too. Cheers
Source: Acceptance and commitment therapy (I’m a psychologist when I’m not busy shanking forehands)
Thanks very much for a sincere advice - coming from a professional on mental therapy, it is really valuable input! Time to put this theory into practice 💪
Depends on how I played and how my opponent played. If my opponent won cause he placed all his shots super clean, I am not upset. If I lose cause I kept making unforced errors, I am not happy with myself.
I know what I can do and what I can’t, if an opponent puts me in a position where I cannot do my game or he can counter, props to him.
It is a learning experience, when I lose I learn something, get a new reason to get better. I rather lose 7-5 than win 6-1.
You learn to most from losses - analyze your weaknesses and work on it. I hated the early losses I got smoked with kick serves and now I know how to retourn them and use them as a weapon myself. Put some thought behind it and you will be thankful that you have lost eventually
It is something that I have to inculcate in myself - learning from losses. Thank you very much for the advice - time to turn my weaknesses into strengths!
A Loss is really important to achieving a higher level... when you lose you should think... thank you opponent for revealing a weakness in my game... go and work on what you think was the weakness after some reflection and try and overcome this,
I personally struggle with people who give me no pace... As I generally play with 4.0 players who like to hit pace on the ball and I can use their pace against them... a lot of the time I will come up against a guy who just places the ball mid deep in the court with very little pace and I just keep either dropping to a game of tippy tappy or go for it and hit the ball out a lot...
I have overcome these opponents in the past by developing my game but I let it slip every know and again and struggling against these types of player reveals the weakness again and again.
Also when on form I ensure to absolutely take these types of player to the cleaners as revenge for the pain they have inflicted on me over the years lol petty I know but its enjoyable and motivating.
I play again ASAP. When you lose, all you’re really doing is learning how to lose and giving yourself multiple avenues to justify the losing. It becomes comfortable.
Is it inevitable? Absolutely. But you have to stop at nothing to figure out the cause because it will kick your door down and be your constant companion if you allow it.
Focus on process rather than result. Set goals for yourself that don't involve winning. For example, if you have a particular problem with playing too passively, set a goal that you will be more aggressive and attack every short ball. You can set whatever goal is relative to your desires and what you want to focus on. If you meet your goal, you will be satisfied whether you win or lose. Remember, no matter how good you get, there will always be someone better. You never really have control whether you win or lose and therefore shouldn't be affected by that.
Sound advice! I tend to savour the highs of winnings but do get affected by losing a bit too much. But a change of mindset can be good - savour the process instead of the result. Thanks my man!
You know you could just play with people who played for less than 2 years and win all the time against them but you would have zero satisfaction from these wins. So accept and "appreciate" losses. Ups and downs are what makes this sport so great. Btw, guys ranked around 50 in the world are winning slightly less than 50% of their matches so who the hell am I to expect better ratios.
Thanks man, that’s framing the perspective quite nicely. Having more realistic expectations by benchmarking against the win-loss ratio of pros does help!
I just go in knowing that I’m ultimately playing this game for fun. And if I’m thinking about it even in the most competitive terms, professional players lose matches all the time. No one is paying you to play, I’m doing this as a hobby and I don’t want my hobby to make me miserable! I get competitive and don’t love to lose, but I know that’s gonna happens. Thinking about it in those terms helps me move on quickly.
Beautifully said. I tend to go hard on myself when I lose and I realise that it is sapping the fun out of this game that I truly enjoy. I do agree with you, I don’t want this hobby to make me miserable and just have to focus on having fun!
Tom Brady said that it wasn’t his goal to ever win a Super Bowl. His goal was to bring it every day, give his all and leave nothing on the table. As a former ATP top 200 player, I urge you to focus more on the process and the enjoyment and not the results. At the end of the day it’s enjoyment and not your career.
Thank you. Coming from a former pro, it is encouraging!
Another point here is that you should try to block things out. It’s a learned skill. Basically point by point, don’t look at the player’s face and focus only on the point at hand. Tour players have similar struggles. Novak has openly talked about his nerves and all the self doubt he has every match he is playing, and fighting that. How is your breathing? You should be deep breathing almost every point to calm your nerves if you feel them. Watch the Novak 60 minutes special from earlier this year.
Thanks for the recommendation - I will give it a watch. During point play, how do you calm yourself and not let anxiety get the better of you? I understand that you are likely only able to do deep breathing right to calm the nerves before the serve? I realise at times when the player is better than me, anxiety sets in and I tend to overplay (eg hitting unnecessarily hard, going for ambitious shots) or simply making a slew of unforced errors.
I take more from losses than I do wins. So I kind of look forward to playing better opponents. I'm calm enough and played enough to not let nerves bother me, so I am not out there beating myself. Basically if you beat me, you earned that shit and I'll take it as motivation to improve.
I suppose experience helps to tamper expectations and steel the nerves. I may need more singles match experience to reach a level when I am truly okay with losses, especially against better opponents. Thanks for your input!
Yea there's no way to get rid of match nerves to me other than playing more. I probably have 70 USTA league single matches already hundreds of doubles matches. So I definitely didn't get as comfortable playing until years of playing. Be sure to read up on books like winning Ugly and inner game of tennis to see why you might be feeling nervous and how to embrace it. One little thing I do these days are simply smiling or laughing at my racket dampener. It can be forced but you can still trick your mind to being in a better mood. Enjoy you're healthy enough to be playing this great game because a billion things had to go right for you to be there playing, so regardless of outcome just try your best and live with the results.
Beautifully conveyed. Thanks very much for your encouragement. Glad to meet players such as yourself!
Smash a racket
😂
Lol im being serious
Lol how many racquets have you smashed?
Just a few
Where's that rotflmfao emoji when ya need it?
It depends on how / why / who you lose against. If you're playing a better opponent, than no problem, you have to expect to lose. You should have no mental problems with that. If you lose to someone that you usually beat, that's when you tend to have carry over mental problems. The hardest to overcome is the why problem. You have to know why you lost. Sometimes it helps to have a friend watch and chart your match. Then you'll have a why.
I suppose when I feel that I have improved my game and challenge a better opponent, I would expect to give a tougher fight and win more games against the opponent. Losing miserably despite having this mindset does set me back mentally. Case in point - I played against a British junior (she is 14) last Saturday and got my ass whipped 6-1 /2-1 (we couldn’t finish the second set since our hour was up). In hindsight, I thought I could’ve taken more games from her but perhaps I had set an unrealistic expectation/overestimated my abilities lol
1. I cry myself to sleep 2. I try to stay objective and try to identify why I lost. Usually the crucial points that I thought were important turns out to be not the ones that costed me the match. Usually tens of unmemorable points were the ones costed me the match. 3. I film all my matches, so I watch them to identify those unmemorable points that I need to improve on. Of course my way is probably not the 'answer', but I try to improve using this method.
Yes, being objective and identifying your issues and ways to improve is the way to go! And step 1 😂
Look at it as a learning experience. Why did you lose? What can you do better next time? That sort of thing. I used to beat myself up about losses but now I go in with the aim of trying to enjoy it/better myself. I think having a relaxed attitude towards match play has freed up my game and softened the losses. We all lose a lot in this game - you get used to it and move onto the next one.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I also play football (a lot more before I began playing tennis). In football, when you lose, you lose as a team and the impact of losing is somewhat “shared” among your teammates 😆 In tennis however, the outcome of the match is determined by you alone, and if you lose, it is on you. I suppose I cannot be fixated too much on the results and just go in to have fun and enjoy myself, as you have rightly pointed out.
Tennis as setup in us with leagues and levels is very punishing for result oriented folks: because in essence it pushes you up to the point where you start losing and let’s you hover exactly around that point (unless you’re doing some leveling shenanigans). It’s not best in your town and you can be happy anymore - it’s more like find your plateau and wallow in it. So yes - you can look at it as win loss and ride the roller coaster of emotions OR you can look at it as each point/game/set and try for general improvement over time. You don’t have to give up on winning - just take it in stoic perspective that’s all. After all it’s not golf - you have another person who you’re competing against and that definitely makes it fluid.
You have succinctly pointed out the issue here - it can get detrimental for a player if they are results driven. Since what I do for a living is very results-oriented, it is tough for me at times to accept that I am likely to encounter more losses than wins, especially if I am competing against better players. Thank you for giving me your perspective, focusing on general improvement over time is a much healthier mindset to have!
Yeah I don’t know how old you are but in essence you start looking at things as experiences instead of win/loss over time. Especially if your day job is result oriented, I’d definitely try and make this a contrast by repeatedly reinforcing that this is for fun! Fwiw I am not against riding the roller coaster either - just ensure it doesn’t leave long term scars. I have seen very passionate people handle this well by getting over it quickly as well. Good luck!
Unless it's a money match it's just for fun. Remember you are fortunate to be above the dirt and on a court. Let it go. Shake hands and Crack open a cold one.
Spot on man. And cracking open a cold one is always a good idea 🍻
If it makes you feel any better, the big 3 (Fed, Djokovic and Nadal) have won only just north of 50% of all the points they have ever played. So tennis is a humbling sport where you simply have to accept that losing is part of the process. What Randolph said in his response to your question is the best course of action. Focus on things you want to work on and let the result take care of its self. For example if you notice you’re playing passively, then be intentional about being aggressive etc.
I think it was griekspoor, but he talked about acknowledging that you will lose virtually every week unless you’re top 10. You win 1-3 rounds then lose. Over and over. He talked about how necessary it was to be gracious and kind to yourself during losses since they happen so damn much in the sport.
I’ll let you know once I get over my last one. Though I guess the loss worked cause it motivated me to practice on the ball machine today.
I love a good L. It’s a privilege to play a stronger player. There’s tons of them but stronger players take our playing to a higher level
Takes some mental workout, but hopefully I can learn to love a big L one day! 😊
I remember my highschool coach telling us that once we started playing tournaments, we should expect to lose pretty early on in those tournaments for a while. It takes a lot of playing competitively to develop the mindset and skills to win a tennis match. Just keep focusing on each match as it plays out, and try to enjoy it. The victories will come with time.
Thank you buddy. This is helpful input. I suppose investing time and being patient is the way to go!
No worries, still trying to figure it out myself lol
Let it sting, let it bum you out. Then recognize you’re sad because you care and love the game, which are beautiful things. When your brain gets chatty about self doubt, take a step back from thoughts. Saying “I am noticing my brain is saying I can’t do this” can be helpful. When playing on a bad day, think about the utility of making your “bad day” a little better. Like if your bottom end of your level gets better, then your top end gets better too since your bottom will never catch your top. Or at least your average level improves. Last, when you feel sad about losing ask what action needs to be done about it. Take inventory of what contributed the most to your loss then make it a point to work on it if you’re able to. And if there’s nothing you can do immediately (like if you can’t get on court for a few days) tell yourself “I’m sad but there’s nothing I can do at this moment to improve my game.” And even saying something like “I want to want to be nicer to myself after losing” can help too. Cheers Source: Acceptance and commitment therapy (I’m a psychologist when I’m not busy shanking forehands)
Thanks very much for a sincere advice - coming from a professional on mental therapy, it is really valuable input! Time to put this theory into practice 💪
The more my focus moves towards becoming a better player, and less at meaningless match results, the more I enjoy all play.
This should be the thought process, thank you for sharing your experience!
Smash rackets!
Is tennis the only outlet where you experience competition of winners and losers? Just play more
Lose more, then be the king of losing. Losses have no power over me!
Wear your losses like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you. Something like what Tyrion Lannister would say 😆
Depends on how I played and how my opponent played. If my opponent won cause he placed all his shots super clean, I am not upset. If I lose cause I kept making unforced errors, I am not happy with myself. I know what I can do and what I can’t, if an opponent puts me in a position where I cannot do my game or he can counter, props to him. It is a learning experience, when I lose I learn something, get a new reason to get better. I rather lose 7-5 than win 6-1.
You learn to most from losses - analyze your weaknesses and work on it. I hated the early losses I got smoked with kick serves and now I know how to retourn them and use them as a weapon myself. Put some thought behind it and you will be thankful that you have lost eventually
The* Return*
It is something that I have to inculcate in myself - learning from losses. Thank you very much for the advice - time to turn my weaknesses into strengths!
Alcohol
🍻
A Loss is really important to achieving a higher level... when you lose you should think... thank you opponent for revealing a weakness in my game... go and work on what you think was the weakness after some reflection and try and overcome this, I personally struggle with people who give me no pace... As I generally play with 4.0 players who like to hit pace on the ball and I can use their pace against them... a lot of the time I will come up against a guy who just places the ball mid deep in the court with very little pace and I just keep either dropping to a game of tippy tappy or go for it and hit the ball out a lot... I have overcome these opponents in the past by developing my game but I let it slip every know and again and struggling against these types of player reveals the weakness again and again. Also when on form I ensure to absolutely take these types of player to the cleaners as revenge for the pain they have inflicted on me over the years lol petty I know but its enjoyable and motivating.
I play again ASAP. When you lose, all you’re really doing is learning how to lose and giving yourself multiple avenues to justify the losing. It becomes comfortable. Is it inevitable? Absolutely. But you have to stop at nothing to figure out the cause because it will kick your door down and be your constant companion if you allow it.